“I know,” Travis answers. “I’ve been in therapy. I can look back and realize it happened for a reason. I got to move here, meet his sister, and fall in love. I have no regrets.”
“And you, Leo?” Josh asks, turning his gaze to me. “Do you have any regrets?”
I think for a moment. Does he mean regrets about my militarycareer, how I handled that last mission, or how I was as a non-commissioned officer? Or is he talking about life in general? Ella’s face flashes in my mind, causing me to rasp, “Too many to count.”
“It’s normal to have regrets. Are yours about your military career, or about your life at home?” he asks.
“Both,” I say, hoarsely. The day of the mission, I’d pushed my guys to be faster as we packed up. Speed up. Let’s go. What if I’d let them go at a slower pace? What if I’d taken the first truck, and had the others back a hundred yards? Would there have been less death? Fewer uniformed soldiers arriving at homes across the country to report on the death of their loved one? On behalf of the president of the United States, the Army, and a grateful nation … honorable and faithful service … deep sympathy … here, take this flag in his memory as we promise to honor his memory. It’s all a bunch of bullshit.
In Germany, I had dreams of what it must have been like for my family to find out I was wounded. They never knew how bad it was. I’d waited to have anyone call them, forcing my first sergeant to promise he would only call if I didn’t survive one of the surgeries. Weeks after the explosion, I finally called my parents. Even thinking it was only a busted calf and my mother was hysterical. My dad was especially quiet, which is when I knew he was struggling. He’d always cleared his throat a lot, but his complete silence was the sign that he couldn’t handle what he heard.
Almost six years later, and I still wonder how Ella would have handled the news of my injury.
“Leo,” Josh says quietly, and I find him kneeling next to me. I’d lost focus again, lost in memories. “I’d like to have you come into my office sometime this week. I think it’s great you’re here with RMRRMC, as they’ll be a wonderful support for you. But you’ve been through an incredibly traumatic event that no one here truly empathizes with.”
“Oh? And you do?” I retort.
He gives me a bitter smile and nod. “Unfortunately, I do.”
Completely taken aback, I nod. Josh stands, heading back to where Sebastian sits, then turns to address the group. “It’s simple to say that every veteran experiences the same things on deployment, or when they acclimate to civilian life again, but it’s not the case. It doesn’t matter the kind of support each of you have, how long you were active duty, or what job you have now. We all process things differently, and we can’t predict how things might trigger us. Every day is a step, gentlemen. Slow and steady.”
I watch as each man in attendance looks at me, most with varying expressions of sadness or pity. I don’t know any of these guys. Until now, I’d have assumed I was doing okay. I have an amazing family who supports me wholeheartedly. I’ve been medically discharged for over four years. While doing odd jobs around the hotel isn’t exactly what I had in mind for a lifetime career, at least it isn’t behind a desk. I thought things were going fairly well.
And now, I’m so acutely aware of how wrong I was.
ELLA
“Auntie! That man is at the door again!” Oliver shouts.
God dammit.
Jeremy will not leave me alone, and I’m two seconds away from screeching at him to read the room. I stomp to the door, throwing it open, and I find Jeremy with a smarmy grin. “Jeremy, what the hell do you want now?”
His eyes widen with surprise. “Oh, uh. Wanted to see if you could grab dinner, just the two of us.”
I sigh in exasperation. “How many times have I told you that I’m not interested in dating you?”
He shifts awkwardly, and I grimace as I notice his too-tight tee shirt referencing some band I’ve never heard of, and a hole in his sneakers. I’d told Leo that Jeremy was mostly harmless, and I stand by that statement, but he aggravates the crap out of me. He’s probably only thirty, never looks like he’s showered recently, and plays loud music at all hours of the night. I’m very lucky that Oliver and Violet are deep sleepers, because the ruckus Jeremy makes certainly wakes me up.
“I mean, can’t you get a sitter for the brats? It’s not that big of a deal,” Jeremy stammers, and my eyes narrow to slits. What the fuck did he just call them?
“You’ve got a lot of nerve —” I begin, but I’m stopped when a blurcomes in front of me.
“Is he bothering you?” Leo snarls, his voice deep and menacing.
“Who the fuck are you?” Jeremy blurts out.
“None of your fucking business, that’s who. El, is he bothering you?” Leo asks, turning his head to look down at me. I’m in shock, unable to form a coherent sentence. Why is Leo here? How did he get into the building? I catch a whiff of the same body wash he’s used for as long as I’ve known him, and it brings back so many memories. My tongue feels sluggish as I try to respond, but all I can do is nod.
“I’m not bothering her, man. Calm down. You her brother or something?” Jeremy snaps, rolling his eyes, and I hear Leo growl in response. Tension emanates off Leo’s body in waves, and I see his hands roll into fists. From what I remember Ember telling me, Jeremy moved into town about a year ago. He attempted to hit on her as well, but she put a stop to it very quickly. For some reason, nothing I say seems to hit its mark with him. Clearly he knows nothing about the Santo family, or my history with Leo, and I’m unsure how I should move forward.
Leo takes a menacing step toward Jeremy. “I am not her brother. It’s apparent you don’t know who I am, so let me enlighten you. I can be your worst nightmare. I have no problem making you disappear. You upset this woman, or you fuck with those kids, I will absolutely make it my mission to destroy you. Do you understand?”
“Jesus, all I did was ask her for dinner!” Jeremy exclaims, throwing his hands up in frustration.
“It seems you’ve asked more than once, and she’s shut you down every time. This is your last hint, kid. Walk away.” Leo continues to stand in front of me, watching as Jeremy slinks away, his head hung low as he mutters to himself.
“Did he just call you grandpa?” I finally ask, finding the ability to speak.
