Zeraiah’s face smoothed back to calm, his voice steady again. “I saw you two skating,” he said, his voice hoarse. “And I wanted to talk to Tshabina. Alone.”
Andi frowned, clearly unconvinced. He kept flicking glances at me, silently demanding an explanation.
Zeraiah exhaled, then turned to me. “I’ve gotta go,” he said, starting to rise.
My heartbeat sped up at the sight of it, so I grabbed his hand. “Zer, wait!” My mind spiraled into countless scenarios and assumptions, stealing the air from my lungs. What if thiswas the last time, and he disappeared? Would he leave me, abandon me again?
I even had to make sure he wasn’t mad at me. “Zer, I—”
“I’ll call you,” he interrupted, his gaze piercing mine. “I promise.”
I stiffened, then gave him a slight nod, loosening my grip. He gave me the faintest smile and walked away, leaving Andi and me behind. I watched his back retreat into the crowd, and I could feel my chest hollow.
Please, Zer…
“Okay…? What the hell was that?” Andi’s voice snapped me back, suspicious and sharp.
I exhaled, lowering my head.
Quickly unlacing my skates, I stood and walked away without answering.
“Hey!” Andi’s voice chased after me. “Tell me! How many times do I have to say, stop with that fucking silent treatment!” But I kept walking. “Tshabina Putri Sophia!”
27
Zioh
Dark.
Noises rising and falling like waves in a storm around me.
Every breath was a struggle against an invisible tide, a fight to keep from drowning.
It’d been a week.
A week trapped in this endless circle of pitch black.
I was stuck in a coffin that was buried meters down. The air grew thin, but instead of screaming and clawing my nails to get out, I found myself just lying there. Death had already taken root, leaving no room to fight for life.
I started to forget what it felt like to have a steady heartbeat, and I couldn’t stop my head from shaking; it happened every second.
I had locked myself away in here for over a week. I hadn’t gone into the office because I couldn’t bear to open my eyes in the morning. A massive rock pinned me to the floor, making even the slightest movement an agony.
Even to hold a pencil or draw, the one thing that usually helps me drown out the blackness, I couldn’t.
Zaeem saw through me. He’d been handling the things I couldn’t, coaxing me with things I hated. Zeraiah also came in often to sit beside me. Sometimes he didn’t speak at all, just lay down on the bed, or on the carpet next to me, when I fell asleep on the floor of my study.
What happened at the restaurant a week ago took over my mind like a parasite, and I kept slamming my head, trying to tear away the memories of what I’d done.
As always, it happened when I was with Tshabina.
Always so easy when it was her.
Do you know I’m never afraid when you’re with me? I hope I can give you the same feeling, Zioh.Purple. 21.
Too heavy to keep my eyes open, but every time I closed my eyes, her face haunted me. Her face twisted with pain. I could feel it tearing through me.But it was because of her.
Heat tracked down my cheeks again, damp and stinging.
