“It’s okay,” I cut in. My lips trembled as I searched for words. “I… I’m just done, Zer. I’m trying to be done. Okay?” The weight in my chest pressed harder as I forced the words out. “We’ve hurt each other for so long, and it’s enough now.”
Zeraiah’s eyes shook; he lowered his gaze and looked at his fidgeting fingers. “And how’s Bibu?” he asked as his voice grew lighter, even teasing. “I’ve seen him a few times, but he looks the same, doesn’t he?”
A small laugh escaped me. “Mas Bibu will always be Mas Bibu,” I said, and we both fell silent again.
I shifted, foot tapping against the floor, and the scrape of the ice skate felt sharp in my ears. There was something I’d wanted to say for years, something I’d never had the chance to voice. If I didn’t speak now, I might never get another chance.
Biting my inner lip, I lowered my head and twisted my fingers until they hurt. “I… I’m so sorry.” My throat felt thick. My eyes burned, threatening tears to fall. “I-I’m so sorry about what happened to Mama—” I faltered, shaking my head. “I mean… to Aunt Nadine.”
Voicing it after years of being caged in the deepest part of me made me let out a long breath. It felt like standing on the edge, bracing myself for how the man next to me would respond.
Just as I feared, Zeraiah’s body stiffened, and he turned his gaze away. Silence stretched before he finally nodded, curt, restrained. When he looked back at me, his emerald eyes were softer, weighted with sorrow. “I’ve always felt more comfortable and more open with you, Bib,” he admitted, his voice trembling. “Even more than with Zioh or Bibu.” He shrugged. “I feel like Tsabinu and Zioh have always been closer. Even closer to Zioh than I ever was. Did you ever notice that?”
I nodded. Of course. The bond between them had always been visible. Tsabinu understood Zioh in a way no one else could. His pride, his silence, his cold, steady nature. Tsabinu grasped all of it.
Zeraiah sighed, shaking his head with a faint huff. “Sometimes I felt like there were things Zioh could only tell Bibu, and watching how Bibu handled it all made me feel asif he wasn’t even human.” He smiled. “A freakishly noble robot, our highness.” He gave me a dry laugh. “Tsabinu, tough on the outside and tough on the inside. Like he’s got no feelings at all.”
Highness…
I let out a small laugh.
Hearing him use the old pet name he gave for Tsabinu warmed me, proof that not everything had been lost, that he hadn’t erased us completely.
I knew Tsabinu was the most accepting among us, but I also knew he bore the heaviest weight of pain.
Zeraiah’s voice softened again. “For ten years… sometimes I wanted to reply to your messages.” A genuine smile crossed his face. “Especially those five years when you kept flooding my inbox with emails.” He looked at me again. “Thanks for all the snacks.” His eyes glistened, and I noticed the way his words wavered. “For everything you sent.”
I nodded, my own eyes wet. There were so many things I wanted to ask, but I stayed quiet, giving him space.
“But… I…” He faltered, his hands gripping his pants as his legs bounced. His eyes were red now, and his voice shaking. “It’s not easy, Bib. Especially after M-Mum…”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” He whispered, and his gaze lifted as tears brimmed.
He took a deep breath. Exhaled. His voice cracked. “Everyone I loved… betrayed me.”
“Zer, I—”
“I tried to come home,” he cut in, his voice lowered. “I did. But...”
He looked away, keeping his eyes fixed on the ice-skating rink. My heart clenched at the sight of him like this, and I couldn’t stop myself when I reached for his hands and clutched them.
His hands trembled, just as his voice did. “That house. This city. This place. They’re full, Bib.” He turned to look at me, his eyes shining with tears. “Full of Mum, full of us.” He shook his head. “I… I can’t. And I can’t leave Zioh either.” His breathing quickened. “He’s a…”
My eyes searched his, trembling. What happened between them in the UK? What was it? But Mas Zaeem always said they were fine.
“I can’t, Bib,” he sobbed. “I tried to run away. But at the same time, I needed you guys.”
“Zer—”
“I trusted him, Bib.” He stopped for a second, his jaw tightened. “Dad.” His words were sharp, poisoned with pain.
His body shook harder, and I squeezed his hands tighter. “I always said I’d be like him. But…shit,Bib—” Zeraiah shook his head, his voice tumbling out in a rush, torn apart. “Is he even my dad? I don’t know him. How could he do that—?”
“Zeraiah?”
The voice in front of us made us both jolt. Quickly, Zeraiah released my hands and pushed up his glasses, scrubbing at his face.
Andi had returned, standing before us, confusion written all over his face. His brow shot up as he pointed at the two of us. “What the hell is going on here?”
