“I almost did it,” I paused, then turned back to him. He was still watching me. “I almost hated you, too.” A faint smile pulled at my lips. “I even made a mission with Andi.”
His brow lifted, though he said nothing.
“Twenty-five ways to forget you, Zi.” I shrugged, amused at the memory of our ridiculous plan. “Just a few hours ago, I was reading the third one right before you called me.” I caught his gaze, steady. “But see? Who would’ve thought I’d end up here again?” And doing what we just did…”
Zioh let out a slight laugh, exhaling through his nose. I frowned, slightly annoyed. Oh, come on. My words had come from the deepest part of me.
When his laughter died, he looked at me again, but this time his gaze deepened. “As you should.” His voice lowered. “Maybe it’s for your own good, Tshabina…” He released a painful breath. “I’m not him anymore.”
His voice faltered, and he shook his head. “It’s all for your sake, baby.”
The words landed heavy, steeped in sorrow. No hatred, no anger. Just… pain.
It tore straight through me.
“You can say that after everything we just did?”
All of these pushes and pulls left me feeling empty, as if my mind had burned through all its fuel. I wanted to get off this roller coaster, never knew when it would rise or when itwould plummet—never knew when he’d turn white, when he’d turn black.
“Tshabina—”
“Zioh,” I cut, locking my eyes on his. “I just hope when you’re ready, you’ll talk to me.” My voice dropped deeper. “I’ll wait, Zi.”
I held his gaze, willing him tohearme. “It’s not about me being desperate or anything.” I shook my head. “Not for you but for me, Zioh. Formyself.”
My voice grew stronger, even as my heart thudded with ache in my chest. “Because I deserve an explanation.” I clenched the mug in my hand. “For the girl I was then, and for the woman I am now.” I placed the mug on the coffee table and tilted myself toward him. “After hearing your reasons and truth, I deserve to decide what comes next for me.”
My breath shivered out. “So, I’ll wait. But I’m also human, Zi.” I paused. “I have feelings. There’ll come a time when I’m tired and’ve had enough.” I locked my eyes with him. “So don’t waste it before that happens.”
Finally, I exhaled long and slow. At last, I’d said it.
His gaze softened; it felt as if I were staring at my Zioh from the past. Warmth bloomed in my chest, spreading through my body, stinging behind my eyes. “But it feels as if it’s either you or me… we’re tied to each other.”
A small laugh escaped me. “We both try to run, to avoid, to let go.” I took a moment. “We’ve tried to erase each other.”
He reached for my hand, his thumb stroking my skin in a calming motion, yet somehow it made my eyes grow hotter. “But here we are again.” He brushed his fingers over my eyes with his free hand. “It’s as if a hidden string binds you and me.”
His voice cracked. “I hurt you—”
I nodded, agreeing. You did. A bad one.“Judging by the way you hated me, I can tell I hurt you too,” I whispered, my shoulders lifting faintly. “There’s no way you wouldhave changed in one night without a reason.” I let out a shaky breath. “Maybe I hurt you too, in ways I didn’t realize.”
I swallowed the tight knot in my throat, and the words that came next carried the pain I’d buried for so long, leaving my voice shaking and rough. “I always believed you’d never leave me, especially after that night, remember?”
Zioh shook his head. A slow redness crept into his eyes. “No, not t-that, baby, I-I…” His throat strained as though something heavy was stuck there, choking him silent.
That night. On my seventeenth birthday. Before Zioh and Zeraiah left that day, Zioh and I had made memories that refused to fade, no matter how badly I wanted them gone.
The night wind made me shiver, my hair whipping around my face. I swayed back and forth, laughter and tears echoing in the air. “Only for you,” Zioh said. “Only you.”The memory came rushing back, vivid as something before my eyes. A beauty he created, just before leaving for the UK to see his ailing mother.
A silence stretched between us.
I watched him, and he shook his head. His hand curled into fists, clutching the blanket tight, and his breath was coming faster.
I finally broke the silence, not wanting our warmth to disappear again. My eyes shifted to the television ahead. “I’m not sleepy yet. Shall we watch something?”
Zioh blinked, then turned back to me. He gave me a slow nod.
He stood, reached for the remote on the coffee table, and handed it to me with a small gesture, inviting me to choose. I flicked through the channels, aware of his gaze on me, until a title finally flickered on the screen. My heart thumped.
