“No,” Tanner snapped.
Lance turned to him with a pleading look. Tanner hated to see Lance so distressed, but there was no way in hell he’d agree with their recommendations.
“We think we could keep it to below the knee. The damage to his femur isn’t nearly as bad as—”
“No!” Tanner roared at Dr. Pilsner, and everyone jumped.
Dr. Pilsner sighed, as if tired of repeating himself. “Mr. Casey, it’s a dead leg,” he said with clinical detachment. “It’ll be like dragging around a—a corpse!” He cracked a small smile at his own morbid sense of humor. And this was the final goddamned straw for Tanner.
*****
It was so easy to forget when talking to Tanner that he’d once been a prisoner of war. Tied up, confined to a cell, abused, sitting alone in a dark place, with little or no hope of being rescued. No one could come back from that as a whole person. Despite that, Tanner often made it appear as if he had escaped that hellhole relatively unscathed. That was not the case today.
His head snapped up, staring down Dr. Pilsner. His gaze was darker and colder than any Lance had ever seen. “It won’t be the first corpse I’ve had to drag around,” he declared grimly. “You’re not cutting it.”
The hard finality of his declaration prevented any of the doctors from challenging him further.
Dr. Kramer nodded with a bleak smile, her expression sorrowful and empathetic. “You’ll need a cast to keep the leg steady. I’ll put in the request now, and it might take a few minutes, but they’ll come and fix you up right away so that you may be discharged.”
Tanner gave her a curt nod and brief smile of appreciation. “Thank you for your help, Dr. Kramer.”
Dr. Pilsner stared at Dr. Kramer in consternation as if she’d betrayed him, but she didn’t acknowledge his look.
“I’ll update your chart for your next visit with your specialist. Injections might help reduce swelling over time,” Dr. Klein said. Although she disagreed with Tanner’s decision not to amputate, she respected his wishes.
“Thank you, Dr. Klein,” Tanner said with a grateful smile.
As the doctors turned to leave, Tanner called out to Dr. Pilsner. The doctor turned with a frown, expecting another confrontation. But as he took in Tanner’s defeated gaze, his expression relaxed. “Thank you,” Tanner said. The orthopedist nodded, and with a polite smile said, “I sincerely wish you well,” before walking out with the two other doctors trailing behind him.
Tanner and Lance were alone once again.
It’ll be like dragging around a corpse,according to Dr. Pilsner. Lance thought that was probably the best description of Tanner’s leg, albeit a harsh one.
It sat between them, thiscorpsethat Tanner was living with. Lance didn’t understand what was behind Tanner’s unshakeable belief that amputation wasn’t the answer, regardless of what his doctors had recommended. There must be some hidden truth that Tanner had refused to share. Lance couldn’t reconcile what the doctors kept saying and what Tanner insisted wouldn’t happen. There was loss, certainly, Lance understood that, but there had to be more to this story.Hadto be. There was some special reason he was so determined not to lose his leg. But what was it?
The silence stretched on, and Lance wasn’t sure how to break it. He knew he would have to be the first to speak, since Tanner didn’t seem inclined to say anything. And if Tannerdidstart talking, it would probably be some nonsense about Lancebeing angry with him for keeping his bum leg. But the thing was, Lance wasn’t mad about Tanner’s decision. Rather, he was scared—terrified—even. He was riddled with guilt and filled with anguish at the unfairness of it all, but he wasn’t mad. It wasn’t in him tobemad.
“I didn’t see any crutches when we moved you out of your condo. Do you still own some? Could they be at your sister’s house? I could go and get them while they set you up with a cast.” Lance concentrated on making it a casual, friendly offer, and not let his tumultuous feelings show on his face or in his voice.
“Somewhere, yeah,” Tanner said, with a nod.
“At your sister’s? Good, I’ll go and call her on the way,” Lance said, checking his pockets for his keys.
“No!” Tanner exclaimed urgently.
“Oh—” Lance said, taken aback by Tanner’s refusal. If they weren’t at Cameron’s place, then where the hell else could he look? “Okay, then where would they be? Do you have a storage unit somewhere? If you tell me where, I won’t look at anything else, I’ll just—”
“Fuck that. I meant don’t call my sister. I don’t want her to know,” Tanner said, shaking his head.
“What? Why not?”
“Because she’ll tell me I’m being stupid.”
“Well—youarebeing stupid,” Lance said, before he could help himself.
Whatever understanding they had reached since the doctors left the room vanished. Tanner turned away and stared fixedly at the wall. Swearing softly out of self-disgust, Lance sat down next to Tanner on the small gurney. Tanner’s posture was stiff with no trace of the affectionate man he’d held in his arms just an hour before.
“I’m sorry,” Lance said with genuine regret. “It isn’t my place to judge—or—” he shook his head. “I don’t understand, is all.”
