Tanner didn’t react. He stared straight ahead as if Lance hadn’t spoken.
“Could you help me? Understand, that is. Please help me understand why it means so much to you to save your leg. I really need to understand why, sweetheart.”
Tanner’s shoulders sagged just a little. Enough to let Lance know he’d gotten through to him.
“I told you—I told you about Ahmed.” His voice quivered.
Lance nodded. It had been a difficult story for Tanner to tell, and for Lance to hear. Tanner’s wartime experiences were so much more horrifying than anything Lance could have ever imagined.
“He’d lost his leg as a kid. He had a prosthetic one that he wore that was covered by his baggy pants, so you didn’t really know it was there, but—” he took a deep breath and shook his head. “They took it away about a month into his time in the cell. Forced him to hop around or drag himself on the floor. And when—when I managed to break us out of that fucking cell—he leaned on me at first, but eventually, when they caught up to us—he tripped, and I couldn’t—” he shook his head and shut his eyes tightly to hold back his tears. “I couldn’t save him, and I left him there.” He looked up at Lance, tears rolling down his cheeks as he relived the terror of running for his life across the desert. Lance grabbed his hand, held it tightly. “Walking on a fucked-up leg hurts,” he whispered brokenly. “But at least it’s still there.”
And there it was. It wasn’t the loss of his leg that Tanner couldn’t deal with, it was the loss of autonomy. Thefearthat came with the loss. There was no running anywhere on a missing leg, and as far as Tanner was concerned, he was still running forhis life, even though he was no longer in the desert. Time and place were irrelevant.
Lance gently wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head. Tanner briefly resisted before surrendering to Lance’s comforting hold. Tanner heaved a sigh of relief. He’d been fighting so hard and so long on his own. He settled against Lance like he’d needed to be released from carrying around this emotional burden and now, finally, was free of it.
“I get it. I understand now.” Lance’s voice soothed his soul. “I’m so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry.”
*****
Tanner felt overwhelmed by the pain, the memories, thewarmththat he felt coming off Lance in waves. He was drowning in sensation. Finally, Lance loosened his hold on Tanner while still holding his hand.
“So, you won’t fight me on this?” Tanner pleaded nervously.
“No. Of course not. We’ll manage, adapt—we’ll figure it out, I promise.”
Tanner would have had to be blind to miss the glow of love and devotion in Lance’s eyes. Although he didn’t think he deserved it, he sure as hell couldn’t deny himself what Lance so freely and generously offered.
Tanner had come to terms with the fact that he loved Lance a few weeks ago. At some point between the laughs and the homecooked meals, he’d found not only a great friend and a hot lover, but also someone he couldn’t live without. Someone he loved. The words were on the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken aloud, but doing it now felt wrong. Lance deserved to hear he was loved in a far better setting than this one. Here he sat, coming apart at the seams, wearing a crappy green hospital gown, stuck waiting to get a cast on his leg. Lance deserved ahome-cooked meal and good wine when he declared his love for him. He vowed to make that happen, if it was the last thing he ever did.
“We’ll figure it out, T. I promise,” Lance said, leaning forward for a quick kiss. He’d wrapped a hand around the back of his head and pulled gently on his hair, as if to say, “I’m here.”
Without any warning, the privacy curtain was yanked back to reveal Tanner’s mother with Cameron right on her heels. Tanner yelped in surprise and Lance quickly released him.
“Oh, baby—” Louise cried sympathetically when she saw him lying there.
“You called them!” Tanner barked accusingly, smacking Lance hard in the chest.
“Ow! No! I didn’t call anyone!” He protested indignantly as he rubbed the sore spot on his chest.
“He didn’t call us. I tracked your phone, you absolute fucker!” Cameron exclaimed as she flipped him off.
“Language,” Louise warned as she approached Tanner. “What happened?” she asked, glancing back and forth between Lance and Tanner.
“Nothing. I stepped wrong and my bad leg didn’t handle it too well.” Tanner gestured casually towards his injured leg. Lance snorted at that grossly inaccurate description and set the record straight.
“He protected me from my dad. Stopped him from punching me. Tanner knocked him on his ass but broke his own leg in the process.” Lance narrowed his eyes at Tanner, daring him to deny any of it. His boyfriend rolled his eyes and gave Lance a look that said“Well, now you’ve stepped in it.”
“He what now?” Louise looked gobsmacked.
“Louise?” A man’s voice called out from down the hall.
“Oh!” Louise rushed to look around the edge of the curtain. “Over here, Dave!”
“Dave?” Tanner whispered to Cameron.
“He drove us,” she answered with a negligent shrug, still pissed off at him for not calling.
Within moments, Tanner’s semi-private room was overrun with visitors. Louise scooted closer to Tanner’s gurney to make room for Dave, Harriette, and Jeff. Jeff looked perfectly at ease, like he was accustomed to crashing family visitations in hospitals, while Harriette nervously clutched her purse and avoided all eye contact.
