“Okay.” I felt genuinely giddy at the thought of having Seth in Paris for a week. We could go to my favorite café,and I could show him the park and, of course, my favorite willow tree. It was going to be amazing.
When we hung up, I was absolutely buzzing. From the day I’d given birth, the Lord had pressed upon me that Seth was going to be a special part of my children’s lives. Now, I felt ready for that. And looking down at my frumpy jeans and T-shirt, I realized I needed a few new dresses.
I clutched my journal in my hands. Countless letters were inside, over a hundred. Each and every one was to James. And I was ready to set them free.
I walked over to the trash can, kissed the cover of the notebook, and tossed it inside. “Goodbye, my love.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Seth
When Ella called and asked me to come to Paris for the twins’ first birthday, I was shocked. Then, when I blurted out that I missed her and she said it back, I was completely floored. This was a totally different Ella than the one I’d met a year ago. She sounded carefree, happy, healed, and even a little flirty. I wasn’t sure what to envision for this trip, and I didn’t want to set any pressure or have any expectations.
It was a long flight, and I was a tall guy. After stretching my sore legs once the plane had landed, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get my bags. Ella said she would pick me up from the airport because she had a nanny who could watch the twins. I was excited to see her, and I played out in my head a hundred times how I would greet her. Would a hug be too much? I didn’t want to pushanything. We’d hugged goodbye, but a lot of time had passed. I decided I would let her lead.
Lord, may Your will be done between Ella and me.I sent up a quick prayer, handing everything over to God. I wasn’t going to worry anymore. I just wanted to see my friend and have fun. I’d never been to Europe.
I wheeled my bag out into the area where I was supposed to meet Ella and scanned the crowd. When my gaze fell on a stunning brunette in a fitted black-and-white-striped dress and red lipstick, it took me a second to realize it was Ella. She looked…amazing. She grinned when she saw me, and I couldn’t remember ever seeing her smile like that before. It was like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted off her, and she rushed forward to greet me.
“Hey, cowboy,” she winked and wrapped her arms around me.
Her sweet perfume enveloped me before she did, and I wrapped my arms around her, relishing the close contact. It felt like I had been born to hug this woman.
She held on for a little longer than would be considered normal and pulled back, still smiling. “I can’t wait to show you everything.”
“I can’t wait to see everything,” I told her.
She was so different. The heaviness that had surrounded her when had been was grieving was gone.
She seemed to have a zest for life that pulled me into her like a magnet. I hung on to every word as we got into a taxi and she pointed out famous buildings. The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, and the Louvre. We passed them all in a sort of mini-tour as we made our way to her mother’s house, but I could barely focus on what she was saying inthe end. I was enraptured by her beauty, her joy. I was totally and completely in love with her.
And that terrified me.
“How’s Maggie?” she asked as we left the main city and went to the outskirts.
“Baking up a storm, leading Monday night women’s Bible studies at church, and relentlessly asking me when you’re coming home so she can see the twins.”
Ella smiled. “I love her.”
“She loves you too,” I told her honestly.
And so did I. I wanted to pull back, to protect my heart, but I couldn’t. It was impossible. Ella was so lovable, from the broken woman screaming at the sky with an axe to this. I just loved every part of her, and watching her transformation had been incredible. Now, I prayed I could continue to be part of it in any way possible.
Chapter Forty-Six
Ella
The moment I laid eyes on Seth, butterflies took flight in my stomach. That man got more handsome every time I saw him. I caught him sneaking glimpses at me in the cab when he should have been looking at the Eiffel Tower. The man was in Paris and he didn’t seem to care about the sights and famous landmarks. It made a small desire bloom in my chest.
Could I love again? Could I love like I’d loved James again? It was hard to think of, and I didn’t want to compare, but if anyone could hold a candle to my James, it was Seth.
My mom had asked a few mildly probing questions last night about whether or not I would be going on a date with Seth while he was here. I’d just nervously laughed and changed the subject, but now, I wondered if that wouldhappen.
Did I want it to happen? Was I ready to date?
I thought I was—if it were with him.
Seth pulled out two small cow stuffed animals out of his bag. “Can’t wait to see the twins.”
