Tears flowed down my face and onto my pregnant belly.
“I was trying to stop the bleeding and told him I was so sorry for shooting him, and he said that doesn’t matter now. What mattered was that God loved me and wanted to use me for great things. He…prophesied over me.” The man looked shy now. “He said I would do great work for the kingdom of God if I just opened my heart and let God in.”
I smiled then, unable to be angry at such beautiful words, especially because they’d come from my husband.
“I called out to Jesus right then and there,” the young man said, “and the moment I felt the peace settle into my spirit…your husband smiled and breathed his last breath.”
Tears streamed down my face as I sat back, and we both just let the silence linger over us as I processed his story. James, healing, prophesying, and saving a soul before his death. It sounded just like him.
Had God purposely put James in such a situation to save this young man’s soul? Maybe not. But we were creatures of flesh in a fallen world ruled by the enemy. As humans, we did dark things, and maybe God used this man’s dark thing as a blessing by making James’s death not be in vain.
I was reminded then of a Bible verse. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”Romans 8:28
It felt like a thousand-pound weight fell away from my shoulders then. All those calls from the county jail, all the time the peace I needed was right here, and I pushed it away. The baby kicked, and I smiled, reaching out to rub my belly.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said to the young man. I didn’t think he’d ever know what his story had brought me.
He nodded. “I’m Andre.” He held out his hand timidly.
I could honestly say, at this moment, I felt no ill will towards him. It was clear he wasn’t the same man today as he’d been when he shot my husband. And Seth’s sermonabout forgiveness had opened my heart. Especially now that I knew those were James’s last words to him.
“I’m Ella, and I forgive you, too,” I told him, taking his hand.
He squeezed my hand, burying his head into the crook of his arm as he fought for composure.
“Tell me, Andre. What are you going to do with your life now that you have a fresh start?” I mean, jail wasn’t exactly the fresh start he probably wanted, but he was drug-free and had God. I believed that whatever James had spoken over him was from the Holy Spirit and that God had big plans for him.
He released my hand, wiped his eyes, and nodded. “I started a Bible study group in here. Some of the guys can’t read well, so I read it out loud, and we all learn together.”
The tears were back, and I smiled. “That’s good. That would make James proud.”
The man reached out timidly for my hand again, and I grasped his fingers. “Please know that a day will not go by that I do not repent for what I did. I’m so sorry for what I took from you and your unborn child.”
I nodded. “It’s okay.”
He looked shocked at my response and shook his head. “It’s not okay, but I appreciate it.”
“James was a strong believer. Being absent from his body means he’s present with Christ. It’s okay. This human life is fleeting. We should all really be more focused on eternity,” I told him, and he again looked shocked at my words. I was shocked at my words because I hadn’t been living those words over the past several months.
“You’re very gracious, ma’am. I wish youthe best.”
I squeezed his hand, feeling a tugging in my chest, like a knock at the door of my heart, and I knew I was ready to speak to God again and forgive Him.
I wished him well and then stood, walking over to Seth as I wiped my eyes. When I reached him, his face was filled with worry.
“Are you okay?”
I sighed. “No, but I will be. I need to go home now and pray.” It was time to get right with the Lord. Assuming He’d even take me back after how I’d treated Him the past several months. My anger had melted to wonder and admiration that God had somehow used James’s final moments to save a soul. And that now that soul was starting a Bible study in prison. It was like a ripple effect that the Lord only knew how far it would go.
Seth appeared surprised at the praying comment. He nodded and held the door open for me as we stepped outside together. Sometimes, this life was a mess, but like the Apostle Paul said, God could turn anything for the good of His people who loved Him. James had loved Him, and now Andre loved Him. And what had been a senseless killing, God had somehow turned into a miracle.
Seth was silent the entire drive back to my car, which still sat on the side of the road, gassed up and ready to be driven home. He never pestered me for the details that I was sure he wanted. But I noticed his nervous side glances, so when we were ten minutes from my car, I told him everything Andre had told me.
Seth listened intently and then nodded. “I wished I would have gotten the pleasure of knowing your husband better. Seems we would have been good friends.”
There was no truer statement. Had James lived, I was sure Seth would have invited us over, and I allowed myself to dream for a second of the friendship they might have had. James asking Seth all the questions about farm life. Seth asking James to go to men’s night at church. It would have been beautiful.
“The Lord had other plans, I guess,” I said. finally submitting to the fact that God knew more than I ever could. He was the master chess player, and I couldn’t see the whole board.
