Seth glanced over at me before returning his eyes to the road. “Trusting God can be the hardest thing sometimes, but that’s faith. That’s the walk that Jesus asked us to walk. To trust that the Father will protect us, provide for us, and ultimately bring as many lost sheep home as He can.”
His words touched my heart, and I nodded.
“I don’t think God purposely put James into a life-or-death situation to save that young man’s soul, but…He certainly knows how to reach the lost,” I admitted.
Seth nodded as I wiped away a stray tear. It had been an emotional day, and now I was the one who felt lost, so ashamed of my behavior that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go to God and ask for forgiveness. I wanted to shove it all under the rug and pretend that I hadn’t ignored Him, cursed Him, and pushed Him away the last several months. All while growing a beautiful little miracle in my belly.
It was disgraceful. I felt sick over it. I was scared to approach Him and scared He’d reject me.
I nervously rubbed my hands on my jeans as Seth pulled up to my car.
“You need company?” he asked.
I gave him a sweet smile. “I’m okay. I gotta do this alone.”
He knew. He knew what I was going to do. He knew I was going to try to find my way back to God. It felt like an insurmountable task right now. I’d spent so many nights angry at the Creator of the universe. I’d sobbed, I’d screamed, and I’d asked why a thousand times. I’d punched pillows and yelled, “How dare you!” a dozen times while thinking malice at my heavenly Father. Like a teenager having a tantrum, I’d even told Him I hated Him.
As I opened the door to step out of his truck, Seth caught my arm. “Remember the parable of the prodigal son?” he asked.
I did. Of course. It was one of my favorites. In it, a younger son asks his father for his inheritance early, then leaves home and wastes all the money on reckless living. When he ends up broke and starving, he decides to return home and beg to be a servant. But when the father sees him coming from a distance, he runs to him, embraces him, and throws a big celebration, overjoyed that his son has returned.
“That’s how it will be when you turn back to Him. I promise you,” Seth told me.
Seth had no idea the hateful things I’d said to God or thought about God. He had no idea.
I nodded, giving him a small smile, and then thanked him for the ride and waddled outside. I got to my car and unlocked the door. When I peered to look back at the truck, I saw Seth, his head bowed and deep in prayer.
I knew then that he was praying for me. And I’d take all the prayers I could get.
Chapter Thirty
Seth
Hearing the story Ella shared about what the young man Andre had said to her in prison touched my heart. It just proved my belief that the Lord had a greater plan that sometimes our human minds couldn’t comprehend. To be honest, I thought it was a blessing for Ella to see that her husband had not only saved that cashier’s life, but had brought a soul to Jesus in the process. I never got that kind of confirmation. The Lord never told me why Scarlett and our unborn child had to return to him, and sometimes, as believers, we had to be okay not knowing these things.
I knew one day I’d get all my answers, and I had faith in my God, that He wanted all the things for me that the Bible said He did.“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."Jeremiah 29:11
It was one of my favorite verses. It showed the pure heart of God and His love for His creation. God wanted to give me hope. He wanted no harm to come to me. Or Ella. But we lived in a fallen world with humans that were barely human sometimes. Some were more like animals, and they lived by the flesh, ignoring the call of their spirit and giving in to all of the temptations of this world.
Ella had seemed so quiet and repentant on the way home. She said she needed to pray, and I knew she was finally going to go back to God and have it out. She’d slammed the door in His face when her husband died, and all it had brought her was more pain. I’d prayed every night since then that she would return to the Lord, so now, I bowed my head in my truck right by the side of the road and prayed again.
“Lord, I’ve prayed that Ella would return to You, and now I pray that, when she does, You welcome her back. That You flood her heart with the healing and love that she needs and that You would comfort her. In Jesus’ name, I ask this of You. Amen.”
When I raised my head, I peered back at Ella’s car to see that she was already pulling out onto the road.
Something ached in my chest, and I had a hard time placing what it was for a second. Then I realized.
I missed her. Ella. When she was away, I missed her company, her friendship, her laugh, and even her sass. I even missed that silly diaper chicken, Honey.
Driving back to my empty house felt lonely, but I had faith in my God and in His promise to restore what had been taken from me, and I was clinging to that with everything I had.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ella
I put off going to God the way a child avoids confessing to breaking something precious—afraid, ashamed, and not sure how to begin.
After coming home, I busied myself: cleaned the kitchen, sorted through the mail… Anything to avoid the Bible sitting untouched on the table beside the fireplace. Dust covered it like time had buried my faith.
