Just friendsandMaybe morestood out boldly at the bottom.
Itwastoo soon to think about something like this. My husband had only been gone a few months now, and I was pregnant with his child. I shook my head at the letter. Why would he do this to me? Make me choose something like this?
But I knew. In my heart, I knew there was a connection between us, and Seth had been a widow for a while now. He was still young and would want a family of his own. Hisfamily was probably pressuring him to go out and date, and it was sweet that he didn’t want to do that if there was any chance I’d be with him. But it was a lot of pressure right now. The fact that Seth had been so bold as to say that he wanted me, a pregnant widow, made me like him all the more.
At that moment, I peered at the ring on my finger, and my mind went to a conversation James and I’d had right before we moved here. We were on hour seven of our drive and getting deliriously bored. James looked over at me and randomly said, “If I died, how quickly would you move on?”
I gasped at the weird turn of conversation. “You’re not dying! Why are we talking about this?”
James smiled his bright, toothy grin that always made him look ten times as handsome. “I love you to death, Ella, but you are loyal to a fault. If something ever happened to me, don’t become a nun, okay? I think a year is enough time to mourn me and move on. I’d want you to be happy.”
“Do you have cancer or something?” I asked jokingly, completely thrown by the conversation.
James chuckled. “No, I just love you so much, and I want you to be happy. Always.” He then reached over and squeezed my thigh.
“So if I die, you’re just moving on after twelve months?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest in hurt.
James shook his head. “Ella Collins. You are irreplaceable. If you die, I will die with you.”
I grinned, completely blown away by this man’s romantic nature. “I love you,” I told him.
“But I might get lonely after two years,” he’d added,and I’d reached over and punched him in the arm. We’d chuckled, and that was that.
Now, the conversation haunted me. I’d forgotten about it until this moment. Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I walked upstairs and slid back into bed, leaving Seth’s note lying open on the coffee table next to the fireplace.
Normally, in these desperate moments, I would turn to God and pray for guidance or His plan for my life. Instead, my heart grew colder, and I was ashamed of it, but I couldn’t get out of this feeling that God had abandoned me when He allowed James to die. I wasn’t sure if I would ever find my way back to Him, and that thought depressed me even more.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Seth
I woke up regretting putting that note there last night and snuck over later in the morning to retrieve it, but Ella had already grabbed it.
Dang it.
What had I been thinking? Asking a newly pregnant widow if she’d consider a relationship with me in the future? I’d screwed that up for sure.
“You’re pacing like a bull in mating season. What’s the matter with you?” Maggie asked behind me, and I jumped. I’d forgotten she was back this morning. Ruthie had picked her up from the airport and dropped her off.
“Maggie!” I pulled her in for a hug, and she looked up at me.
“Lyme disease, honey? That’s scary. You taking the pills?”
I nodded. “Ella has been nursing me while you were gone.”
Maggie seemed pleased with that and started tinkering in the kitchen. I decided that pacing the house wasn’t going to do any good, so I went out to meet Russel and get to work. I hoped Ella wouldn’t come into work on Monday because I wasn’t sure I could look her in the eye after sending that note. Stupid.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ella
The next day, I decided to forget that Seth’s letter existed. I was going to run some errands in town and deal with it on Monday. It was about eight a.m. and I needed animal feed, so I threw my hair into a messy bun, tossed on some leggings and an oversized T-shirt, and headed into town.
It was Sunday, and my mind drifted to Seth and the sermon he was going to preach because the pastor was out of town. Was he on his way to church right now? Would he speak about being a good God-fearing Christian and how to lean on God in times of trouble?
I sighed. It was hard not to feel like my life was a mess right now.
I was about halfway between my house and town when the carbingedat me and I noticed the gas light was on.
