“Aww, thanks, Mama. How you feeling?”
She had some color in her cheeks, and she was wearing her favorite sunflower headscarf. Seeing my mother without any hair, including eyebrows and lashes, had been a shock, but not as shocking as the weight loss. Seeing a healthy, athletic woman shrink to skin and bones within three months scared the life out of me. Even now, she looked…frail.
“I’m excited to get this thing cut out of me.” She made a snipping motion at her abdomen. She couldn’t eat past ten tonight, which was probably when we’d get home from the concert.
“Me too, Mom. Next step, cancer-free,” I said.
She nodded. “God willing.”
I frowned. “He is willingandable. So next step, cancer-free.”
She chuckled a little, and for the first time, I wondered if my mother’s cancer battle had shaken her faith. Bad things happened to good people in this world. Which was to be expected in a realm that was ruled by Satan. I think people skipped over or forgot that part of the Bible. The part that said Lucifer was the ruler of earth. The Bible tells us that as Christians we will be persecuted and have hard lives, but we mustn’t lose faith and we should draw nearer to God during hard times, not farther away.
“Mom, you know God will heal you from this, right?” I asked her.
Her eyes filled with tears then, and she chewed her bottom lip. I knew my mother. She was always trying to say strong for me, but I could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t sure God meant for her to heal from this.
“Mom?” My heart pinched, and I stepped forward.
A tear slipped free from her eyes and she batted it away. “If I’m being honest, I feel a little abandoned by God, honey. So you might have to have enough faith for the both of us today.”
My heart fell, and now my eyes were tearing up. I appreciated her being vulnerable with me, but now I was scared. I didn’t want my sweet mama feeling abandoned by God.
“I will, then. I’ll have enough faith for the both of us.” I pulled her into a hug and we held on to each other longer than we normally would.
One of my favorite bible verses came to mind then, and I muttered it into her ear.
“‘For I know the plansI have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosperyou and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’” I whispered, and she broke into a little sob. “You got this, Mom. We are almost at the finish line. Just hold on,” I begged.
She nodded against my shoulder, and when we broke apart, she smiled at me while wiping away tears.
“Any time I question if I was a good enough parent or not, I just sit back and watch you be such an amazing person and I think…I did a dang good job,” she said.
I grinned. “You most certainly did. Best mom in the world, according to the mug I got you in third grade.”
She laughed, and the sound filled up the entire room. I’d missed that sound lately.
She took a deep breath. “I’m feeling better and ready to worship.”
That was good because I knew how powerful these worship nights could be, and I wanted her to get something from it. Healing, a strengthening of faith, whatever it might be.
I looked into the mirror one last time, running my hands over my long, blonde hair, which I’d curled into loose ringlets. I eyed the red dress that hugged my figure but was still church appropriate and smiled. This dress was special. I’d bought it from Willow Harbor Boutique with my first big paycheck from Hannah’s. A splurge I wouldn’t have normally been able to afford. It had a bohemian flare but was still form fitting and feminine.
At that moment, one thought popped into my mind.
I wish Jack could see me in this dress.
When I arrived at church, I gave hugs to everyone on the worship team. One of my best friends, Jules, held me extra tightly.
“I never see you anymore,” Jules said. She was the worship team leader and had such an anointed voice that I often cried when I heard her sing.
The entire town would be at this concert tonight, Christian or not, because Jules was singing. Three years ago, she’d gotten an offer from a big record label, but they’d wanted her to move out to Los Angeles and sing pop music, not gospel, so she declined and stayed in Willow Harbor. I respected her so much for that.
“I know. I’m sorry. Come by the restaurant. I’m always working,” I told her as we pulled back.
She nodded. “I know. I see your car every time I drive by.”
Jules was the same age as me, with long brown hair and wide green eyes. We normally hung out every single weekend, but since my mom’s diagnosis, I’d just stayed home.
