Chapter 40
Bobby did think about Ernie’s proposition, or she tried to. But her mind was so clouded with thoughts of Charlie, she couldn’t make any sense of what he was asking from her.
It was bewildering. Ernie King! And he was really in love with her. This man, who could take his choice when it came to women. Handsome, exciting, and wealthy too apparently, with a life to offer that would exceed the wildest dreams of any other WAAF on the camp. Yet he had chosen her – the one woman of his acquaintance who couldn’t return his affections. It was certainly flattering, but that didn’t help her decide what answer she ought to give. She wasn’t going to let a massaged ego make her choice for her.
Could she have feelings for him, once she got over her love for Charlie? Would she ever get over it? It didn’t feel possible, but she couldn’t go on feeling this way the rest of her life, surely. The pain would be unbearable.
Yet whenever Bobby thought about Ernie, and tried to picture him taking Charlie’s place in her heart, Dilys’s words forced their way into her brain.If I had a love like that, I wouldn’t ever give up on it…
But what choice did she have? She couldn’t make Charlie love her, if his affections had been engaged elsewhere. She refused to be one of those pathetic creatures who cried their life away for the love of a man who was indifferent to them. And here was another man, kind and brave, offering her his heart. When she thought of Ernie standing before her, his large frame shaking while he confessed his feelings, she felt such overwhelming pity.
She was fond of him. He made her laugh, and she enjoyed his company. She even enjoyed their occasional battles. That wasn’tlove, but perhaps Ernie was right. Love might grow as they found out more about one another.
So why did her heart whisper that she was doing something wrong, whenever she had almost made up her mind to say yes?
Bobby felt like an automaton over the days that followed, going through the motions of her life in camp while her brain wrestled perpetually with thoughts of Ernie and of Charlie.
She didn’t feel like she could talk to her friends about what had happened. Carol had still only half forgiven her for monopolising Ernie the night of the NAAFI dance. Strangely, when she did eventually confide in someone it wasn’t any of her peers. It was Mulligan.
She was typing in the commandant’s office on Thursday afternoon, the day Ernie was expected to return from leave, when Mulligan slapped a letter Bobby had typed down on her desk.
‘Bancroft, you’ll type this again,’ she ordered. ‘It’s riddled with errors.’
‘Literals,’ Bobby murmured.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Hmm?’ Bobby roused herself. ‘Oh. Sorry, ma’am. When I worked in newspapers, typing errors were called literals.’
‘Well whatever you want to call them, you’ve been making far too many the last few days.’
‘I’m sorry. I’ll do it again.’
‘See that you do.’ Mulligan’s glance drifted to Bobby’s wedding finger, and her voice softened. ‘Look, I can’t pretend not to know there’s something going on. It’s up to you if you choose to talk to me about it, but as your senior officer, part of my responsibility is for your welfare. If you need anything, my door will always be open.’
Bobby couldn’t help it. She burst into tears.
‘Th-thank you,’ she whispered through the sobs. ‘You’ve been… so kind.’
Mulligan sighed. ‘Come and sit at my desk, Bancroft.’
Bobby did so, mopping her eyes with her handkerchief.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I know my mind hasn’t been on my work. I will get better.’
‘Your wedding’s off, I suppose.’
‘Yes. My fiancé… ex-fiancé. He stopped writing to me. You might as well cancel that leave I booked for early May.’
‘Do you know why he stopped writing?’
‘I suppose there must be another woman.’ Bobby laughed through the tears. ‘And as if my love life wasn’t complicated enough, three days ago Ernie King asked for permission to court me. He’ll be in the NAAFI this evening, expecting an answer.’
Mulligan blinked. ‘Ernie King wants to court you?’
‘He wants me to marry him and move to Canada. He says he’ll wait for as long as it takes to make me fall in love with him.’ Bobby blew her nose. ‘Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. There’s no one I can talk to. My friends here wouldn’t understand.’
‘He’ll wait as long as it takes, will he?’ Mulligan said with a dry smile. ‘How like a man. They always seem to think that if they want something badly enough, they’ll get their way in the end. Even something as elusive and delicate as a woman’s heart.’
