‘What answer do you think I ought to give him? I’d value your opinion.’
‘What answer do you want to give him?’
‘I don’t know,’ Bobby mumbled. ‘When I think about how he looked when he asked me – how much pain he was in – I feel like I owe it to him to say yes. But my heart keeps whispering that if I do, I’m betraying Charlie. I know that’s foolish, after he threw me over, but I can’t just change my feelings.’
‘I do know how you feel,’ Mulligan said quietly. ‘I had someone I cared deeply for, once. Even now, I think that if someone else were to show any inclination… but never mind me. Just know that you don’t owe Ernie King anything. Think of what you owe yourself, and choose the path most likely to bring you happiness when you reach the end.’
‘I want to. It’s so hard to see clearly through the fog.’
‘I know.’ Mulligan reached out to give her hand an awkward pat. ‘This isn’t the advice you’ll probably get from anyone else, especially not your friends. Young women do tend to have stars in their eyes about romance, no matter how cynical they profess to be. But my advice is to ignore your heart, and follow your head. I know it’s got a good brain inside it. Choose wisely, Bancroft, but most importantly, choose for yourself.’
That evening, Bobby stole out of the recreation hut, where her friends were laughing as they read out their stars and listened to Gert and Daisy on the wireless. She knew if she told them she had a date to meet Ernie in the NAAFI, many awkward questions would be asked. Certainly she would never be allowed to go unaccompanied.
She had made a decision. She wasn’t sure it was the right one, but it was the one her head told her she ought to make, regardless of the guilty prodding of her heart.
Sure enough, Ernie was waiting for her. A cigarette was resting in the ashtray, lit, but he seemed to have forgotten to smoke it. He just sat alone with his chin on his hand, staring into space.
Bobby slid into the chair next to him. He glanced up, and took off his cap.
‘Slacks.’ He summoned a smile. ‘Hey. Missed you, kid.’
‘Are you all right? You look preoccupied.’
‘Just having a row with my conscience. Don’t worry about it. You want a drink?’
‘Um, no, thank you,’ Bobby said, puzzled by his odd behaviour. ‘How are Topsy and Teddy?’
‘Thriving. Funny how they get along so well together, isn’t it? They’re not at all alike.’
‘I know.’
‘A bit like us, huh?’
‘Perhaps.’
‘Listen, Slacks—’
‘Please. Let me go first.’ Bobby took a deep breath. ‘Look, Ernie. I’ve been thinking, and… I can’t promise anything. My feelings for Charlie… you’re right, they aren’t a tap I can just turn off. Believe me, I wish I could. But I’m fond of you, and I do appreciate how you feel. I mean, I’m honoured, really, that someone I respect as much as you should feel anything of that nature for me. I am sorry to have caused you pain. And… well, to cut to the chase, the answer’s yes. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel what you want me to feel, but I think I owe it to myself, and to you, to at least see what’s at the end of the path. So… yes. The answer to your question is yes.’
Ernie made a noise in his throat and closed his eyes tightly.
Bobby frowned. ‘Ernie?’
‘It’s a yes?’ he said quietly. ‘You’ll be my girl?’
‘I will. Or at least, I’ll be your friend to begin with and we can see what the future brings.’
‘Oh… God.’ He laughed bitterly, pushing his fingers into his hair.
‘Is something wrong?’
‘You don’t know how much I’ve dreaded hearing you say that.’
Bobby blinked. ‘This was what you wanted, wasn’t it? I’m sorry I can’t offer more – not yet – but we can see where things go.’
Ernie just sighed, the muscles in his face working feverishly. He looked like a man with a battle raging inside him.
‘Slacks… look, you know how I feel about you,’ he said in a choked voice. ‘I really don’t want to do this. But if I don’t, I’ll despise myself for as long as the Almighty decrees I’m going to live.’
