‘It was enough to knock me out anyway,’ Lilian murmured. ‘I fell into such a deep sleep that I never fetched Jess and Florrie from school. The poor things must’ve waited for ages before they made their own way home in the dark. The next thing I knew there was their father, banging on the door worried I was dead in here or something. Annie was screaming and screaming, but even that hadn’t woken me. It’s lucky I woke up to his knocks or I’m sure he would’ve broken the door down.’ She smiled. ‘George quieted the baby right away. She always behaves for him.’
‘Wasn’t he angry you’d put the girls in danger?’
‘You’d have thought so, wouldn’t you? I felt so ashamed when I answered the door. I was sure he’d be able to tell the conditionI was in, and he’d…’ Lilian swallowed a small sob. ‘…he’d ban me from having anything to do with him or his daughters ever again.’
‘Oh, Lil.’ Bobby stroked her hair. ‘What did he say?’
‘Well, I was right. He knew I’d been drinking.’
‘He was shocked, I suppose.’
‘That’s just it. He wasn’t at all. I was certain he’d think I was in that state all the time, around his girls as well, and despise me as a lush. But he didn’t.’ Lilian gave a damp laugh. ‘He was just… kind. I don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve that man’s kindness. He sat me down and made me tea as if I was a poorly child, looked around at those foul napkins I’d boiled and boiled until I wanted to hurl every damn square of towelling into the fire, and told me he understood.’
‘Did he really?’
‘He did,’ Lilian said quietly. ‘And it wasn’t just words, Bob. He really did understand. He told me he’d almost fallen into the same trap after his wife died, but having two little girls who needed him had pulled him back from the brink.’
‘Gosh,’ Bobby said, blinking. ‘I’d never have imagined that. He’s always so calm and stoical.’
‘Of course then it all came pouring out. How empty and pointless my days felt. How different my life looked to the one I’d dreamt of, and how it was my own stupid fault for letting Tony persuade me to go to bed with him. And I told him…’ She hid her face in her hands. ‘Oh God, I wish I hadn’t. I never would have if I hadn’t drunk that dreadful tonic wine. I told him how hard I found it to feel the way a wife ought to about her husband. How lonely I was. And how guilty I felt knowing Tony had feelings for me I was unable to return.’ She rubbed her tear-stained face and looked up. ‘That was wrong, wasn’t it?’
‘I… don’t know,’ Bobby said, rather stunned. ‘I understand why you needed someone to talk to, but I wish you’d come to me,or to Mary. These aren’t the sort of confidences it’s wise to share with a man. It could sound like… well, like an invitation.’
‘I don’t suppose I’d have talked to anyone, if George hadn’t turned up at that moment. I needed someone so badly, and he just happened to be here. And thank God he was, or I can’t honestly say there might not have been another binge the next time I was at the end of my tether.’ She gave a bleak laugh. ‘I must be more like Dad than I thought.’
‘You mustn’t let it, Lil,’ Bobby said earnestly. ‘Come to me if you feel that way. Let me help you.’
‘Oh, it won’t happen again. By the time George left I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself, although he’d never said a word that wasn’t kind and understanding. But he showed me the error of my ways in his gentle fashion.’
‘Was he shocked when you told him why you married Tony?’
‘No.’ Lilian sighed. ‘No, I don’t think so, although he had every reason by then to want to run away from this fast dipsomaniac he’d made the mistake of trusting with his daughters. He never said a word about it after I’d sobbed the whole miserable tale out on his shoulder. But he did talk earnestly about the dangers of drowning my sorrows. He asked how I’d feel if Annie needed me, and I’d incapacitated myself to such an extent that I couldn’t care for her. That was what brought home how foolish and selfish I’d been. As soon as he’d gone, I locked the remainder of the wine away, gave Annie a big cuddle and vowed I wouldn’t touch the stuff except in sickness.’
‘That doesn’t change the feeling that caused it though,’ Bobby said gently.
‘No.’ Lilian was quiet for a moment. ‘No. But I need to find another way to cope. If I put Annie in danger, I’d never forgive myself.’ She smiled. ‘She’s one of the few things in my life that brings me moments of true joy. I married Tony for her, andwhen I look into her face, I feel that in spite of everything, it was worth it.’
‘Did the captain say anything else?’
‘Only that he’d always be there to listen if I needed someone, even after his marriage. He really is a very kind man.’
‘His marriage!’ Bobby said, blinking. ‘Is it definitely happening then?’
‘I don’t think he’s asked the question yet, but he doesn’t seem in any doubt that the answer will be yes when he does.’ Lilian sighed. ‘The girls will be upset, I suppose. They haven’t taken to her much.’
Bobby looked into her sister’s eyes. ‘And how will you feel about it?’
Lilian shrugged. ‘I’ll miss picking them up from school. We have some fun times here in the afternoons. But I suppose Veronica will give up work once they’re married, and their care will fall to her.’
‘I didn’t mean on the girls’ account.’
‘Then what did you mean?’
Bobby hesitated, sipping her tea. Lilian looked genuinely puzzled.
‘Lil, who is Georgia named after?’ Bobby asked eventually.
‘After him, of course. George Parry. I told you that, didn’t I?’
