‘I… all right, if you really want to know – I sold it,’ Lilian said, flushing.
‘Sold it? To who?’
‘Pete Dixon.’
‘Pete! But why on earth…?’
‘Dad asked me to get rid of it. Told me to pour the lot down the drain. He said he didn’t need it any more and he’d rather be rid of the temptation.’
‘Dad said that?’
‘Yes, a couple of weeks ago. But it seemed such a waste, and I struggle so on the housekeeping Tony gives me…’ She sighed. ‘I’m sorry. It was wrong to do it without telling you. You’ve every right to be cross.’
‘I’m not cross. Just relieved, if that’s all there is to it.’
‘I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to make sure there was no chance of being overheard.’ Lilian rocked Annie, whimpering in her sleep as her second little tooth made its presence felt. ‘It seemed better than letting it go to waste after you’d laid out money for it. Still, I guess it’s against the law tosell illegally distilled alcohol to a black-market trader. I wouldn’t want to get us into trouble.’
‘No,’ Bobby said, rather dazed. ‘That was… good thinking.’
‘I’ll pay you back with interest, I promise. Pete gave me a good price for it – fourteen shillings a bottle, six bob more than you buy it off Don for. I’ve been using it to eke out our rations. Tony’s on so little that even a couple of bob extra a week makes a difference.’
‘You don’t need to pay me back,’ Bobby said, getting to her feet. ‘I wish you’d told me, though, Lil. My heart nearly jumped out of my mouth when I saw it was all gone. I thought Dad must be slipping back into bad habits.’
‘Or that I was,’ Lil said with a smile. ‘I’ll put Annie in her cot and we’ll have that cup of tea, eh?’
Chapter 17
Lilian put the baby to bed while Bobby made the tea. They moved the racks of towelling into the bedroom and sat on the settee in front of the fire. It had dwindled to embers now, but Lil didn’t bank it up.
‘We’re on the last of our coke,’ she explained. ‘I don’t want to waste it on myself when the men are out. On parade nights, I usually go to bed with a hot water bottle and my book.’
‘You ought to take care of yourself, Lil. Never mind spending extra money on Tony. It’s you who needs to be getting stronger. Come to me and Charlie if you’re worried about saving fuel, then we can share heat.’
Not that there was anything wrong in Lil’s looks today. Bobby had wondered if the healthful glow she had observed when they bumped into each other in town had been an illusion brought on by the cold, but she was pleased to see that the sparkle in Lil’s eye and pink glow in her cheeks persisted.
‘Don’t worry about me,’ Lilian said. ‘Honestly, I feel much better. I know you think I always say that, but it’s true.’
‘You do look better.’ Bobby hesitated. ‘Is the doctor still recommending that tonic wine?’
‘Oh, I’m off that stuff,’ Lilian said breezily. ‘I don’t believe it was doing me any good. I felt better after a few glasses, but once that wore off I felt worse than before.’
Bobby smiled. ‘I am glad. I hated the thought you might come to depend on it. What made you decide to stop? Did Dr Minchin tell you to?’
‘No.’ Lilian flushed as she bent over the teapot to top up their cups. ‘Actually it was something that happened a week ago. You mustn’t tell Tony though.’
‘What happened?’
Lilian leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. ‘It was a bad day. A very bad day.’
‘Bad in what way?’
‘I just felt so… I don’t know. Life seemed so empty, suddenly. Annie was colicky and spent the whole day wailing, I’d done nothing but pump water and boil napkins, and I felt guilty that I hadn’t paid a visit to Georgia for days. My head was aching, my back was sore from pumping, and I couldn’t help thinking how different my life was from the one I used to dream of. Whenever I thought about Tony coming home, of being in bed with him, I burst into tears. By three o’clock, I couldn’t cope any more. I just… broke down.’
‘Oh, Lil. Come here.’ Bobby put an arm around her sister and guided her head to her shoulder. ‘So you had a drink?’
‘More than one. Annie was sobbing and I was sobbing, unable to get it under control, half hysterical. I felt like such a fool, but I couldn’t stop. And I…’ Her cheeks coloured. ‘I’m not proud, but I drank half a bottle in no time at all. Just to blunt the misery. Just to make it feel like life was something I could deal with.’
‘Half a bottle! That’s a lot, isn’t it? It’s as strong as sherry.’
