‘Yes. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. Imagining it.’
‘Ah. So now you have refused the man, you no longer imagine it.’
‘Well, I… I mean, yes, I still think about it,’ Bobby said. ‘I still care for him. Very much.’
‘You disagree with his decision to join the air force, perhaps?’
‘No, I don’t disagree. I wish he could have stayed at home, but you’re right: the fight for a free world is paramount. I admire him for it.’
Jolka glanced at her. ‘Does he respect you, this young man?’
‘I believe he does. A lot of men won’t take a woman reporter seriously, but Charlie understands why my work matters to me.’
‘I see. But because he might die, you would rather not be with this man who respects you. You would be with someone who is not quite so good for you, perhaps, but who will not be likely to die.’
‘I don’t believe I’ll be with anyone,’ Bobby said quietly. ‘I couldn’t feel for someone else what I feel for Charlie.’
‘Then you would be alone, and you would worry about the death of this Charlie just the same not being with him as being with him,’ Jolka stated in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘This choice, I feel, is rather foolish.’
Bobby was silent. Of course, what Jolka was saying was true. She had told Charlie she couldn’t consent to an engagement because she would be tortured by visions of him being injured or killed, as the men on the mountain had been. But saying goodbye to Charlie had failed to banish those images, just as it had failed to banish her feelings for him. Two months after she had given him her final answer, Bobby was just as haunted by terrible visions as she had been before. And she was just as in love with Charlie as she had been before – more, it felt like, for having gone so long without him.
She thought of the kingfisher she’d seen earlier. That magical flash of blue flame as it soared and dived…
Jolka didn’t speak again until they reached the garden gate, leaving Bobby to wrestle with her thoughts alone. When they arrived at the gate, Jolka turned to her.
‘Men are not all good creatures, Bobby,’ she said. ‘It is not always easy to find and fall in love with one who is worth the falling in love with. Too often they think women are there only to serve their needs and bear their children. They forget we are people with wants and needs of our own. If this Charlie you speak of is truly able to be a partner and an equal to you, he is perhaps one of a rare few. I will not give you advice because your mind can supply you with enough logic of its own. I only state what I have found to be true and hope it might help you to find the right path.’ She glanced over at the rest of the party and tutted. ‘That monkey Tommy has another cake in his hands. He will be sick before his dinner, I am sure. Let us go to them.’
Bobby, feeling rather dazed, followed her to the group around the table and took a seat next to Topsy. Her friend leaned over to speak confidentially to her.
‘Are you all right, Birdy?’ she whispered. ‘You’re very white.’
‘I’m… not sure.’ She shook her head. ‘Topsy, I… I think I might’ve made the most dreadful mistake.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Charlie. I should never have… my God, what a fool I’ve been!’ She pressed a hand to her forehead. ‘Perhaps it isn’t too late. If I write to him, as soon as I get home…’
She trailed off when she noticed Topsy’s eyes were now wide.
‘Oh, darling, don’t you know? I was sure he must have told Mary, and of course I expected she would pass it on to you.’
‘Told Mary what?’ Bobby felt a grim foreboding. ‘Have you had a letter from him?’
‘I had one this morning, begging me for a favour when he comes home on leave.’
‘What favour?’
‘He asked if I could put Ruth up in the cottage for a week. He’s keen to introduce her to Mary and Reg before they announce anything officially.’
‘Ruth?’ Bobby felt dizzy. ‘You mean the WAAF he’s been out with a couple of times?’
‘A little more than that,’ Topsy said. ‘I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Birdy, but… Ruth’s his fiancée.’
Chapter 37
Bobby was silent throughout the journey to Bradford the next day. There was no longer the excitement of anticipation as she prepared to see her family and join the Bowling Tide celebrations. All was tarnished now – not only the holiday but everything.
She had said goodbye to Charlie but she’d never really thought of him as lost… until now. He’d said that if she changed her mind, she knew where to find him, but now he no longer loved her. He had found someone else to fill the space in his heart, just as she’d told him she wanted him to. It was all her own fault.
