She had realised too late what it was she really wanted. The Parry girls had shown her how much it would mean to her to have children of her own. Jolka and Piotr had shown her how a woman could be a wife and mother without losing her own soul, if she could bring up a family with a partner who loved and respected her. She had been a blind fool, and now Charlie was lost to her forever.
‘You sickening for something, lass?’ her dad said as their train arrived at Forster Square. ‘You’re looking none too well, and you’ve barely spoken a word since we set off.’
She forced a smile. ‘Just a bad night’s sleep. I’ll have a rest when we get to Clara’s, then I’ll be fine.’
As always during the festival week, the town was thronged with people. The local pubs were doing a thriving trade, of course, as the usually industrious millhands took advantage of their time off. Charabancs passed them on their way to Shipley Glen or other local beauty spots. Bobby could hear the sound of the fairground organ even from here, a mile away.
They waited for a tram to Southampton Street but that too was full of merrymakers on their way to the fair, so they walked. Her father dawdled, saying hello to old friends he bumped into and savouring the sights and smells of his old home. However, Bobby strode along the pavements with purpose. She wasn’t in the mood for being sociable. All she wanted was to find Lilian and pour out her heart to someone she knew would understand.
One thing she saw as she walked did catch her attention, however. Nessie Tate, who until recently had been her brother Jake’s steady girlfriend, nodded a greeting to her as she passed by. She was with a young man who had his arm around her waist, but it wasn’t Jake. On taking a closer look, Bobby realised it was her brother’s best friend, Eddie.
It didn’t surprise her, therefore, to find her brother in low spirits when she reached Clara’s place. He and Lilian were sitting in the communal living room with some other residents, listening to the wireless.
‘Oh.’ He cast her a listless look. ‘Heyup, Bob.’
‘That’s it? That’s all the greeting I’m getting when I haven’t seen you since Christmas? Get up and give me a hug, you mardy sod.’
Jake managed a smile as he got up to hug her.
‘It’s good to see you, little brother,’ she said. ‘I’ve missed you.’
‘All right, don’t start talking soft at me. I’m not Lil. Where’s Dad?’
‘He was taking ages, saying hello to everyone he met, so I came on ahead.’
She glanced at Lilian, who had stood up too and was waiting to greet her. Her twin looked tired, and a little anxious too. Bobby wondered if her important naval work had started to take its toll.
‘Lil, can you show me which is our room?’ Bobby asked. ‘I’d like to unpack and rest for a while.’
‘Of course. Come on upstairs.’
‘Is our Jake all right?’ Bobby whispered as they climbed the stairs. ‘I saw Nessie out with Eddie when I was walking over.’
Lilian laughed. ‘Oh, he’s not upset about that. He’s already got another girl lined up for his favours, he says. It’s his motorcycle – he’s had to take it off the road. Eddie was supposed to be looking after it for him while he was away but he’s been neglecting it since he started walking out with Nessie. Jake says it’s going to take him ages to get it fixed up again.’
‘I should have known,’ Bobby said with a smile. ‘He’ll cheer up when he starts working on it.’
Lilian opened the door to the room they were to share for the week. Bobby chucked her suitcase down on the bed, closely followed by herself.
‘Are you all right, Bobby?’ Lilian asked. ‘You look washed out.’
Bobby couldn’t hold back her emotions any more. She burst into tears.
‘Lil, I’ve been such a fool,’ she sobbed.
Lilian sighed. ‘More boy trouble, I suppose. All right, I’m here.’
She sat down beside Bobby on the bed and put an arm around her.
‘Well, what happened?’ she asked. ‘Is there a new man on the scene?’
Bobby let her head sink on to Lilian’s shoulder. ‘No new man. Just the old one, and a big mistake I realised too late that I’d made.’
‘You were mistaken about Charlie, you mean?’
‘Yes. I thought it would be too painful for me, after what I saw up on the mountain, to know the man I loved could end up like those airmen who were killed. But whether Charlie and I are together or not, I’ll be tortured by visions of it just the same. As long as I’m in love with him I always will be, and I’m in no danger of falling out of love with him any time soon. The only difference is that I’m alone and miserable thinking about him with someone else.’
‘Then if you feel that way, why don’t you tell him? Didn’t he say when he left that you should write if you changed your mind?’
