“He didn’t know. Said there’d been some kind of fight and Chaos was drunk and Wrath was pissed. Sweets, Candy, and you all took off but not together.”
Chaos was drunk? Why would he get drunk? Why did I care? Stupid question. Why was I crying was a better question. He didn’t deserve my tears. “Yeah there was a fight alright. The bitch, Sweets, came after me in the dressing room after the sound check. I got her pretty good too. I bet she has a black eye tomorrow.”
Michelle looked shocked, she’d never seen this side of me either, but I’d only known her since college when I stopped having to fight kids in the playground for picking on me because I didn’t have a dad.
“Shit, girl. You’re full of surprises aren’t you?”
“No not really.” I didn’t want to think about the rest of it, the tears were starting again and I just wanted to be left alone. “Can we not talk about this now? I really want to take a shower and just go to bed.”
“No problem. I’m going to stay here in case you need something, okay?”
I tried to smile but I couldn’t do it, I was so overwhelmingly sad, it was like losing my mother all over again. The sadness was everywhere. “Thank you. I’ll be fine but you can stay if you want.”
Nodding, she hugged me, picked up my suitcase and moved it off the bed, and left the room.
I wanted to shower, I really did, but I couldn’t bring myself to stand up. If my mirror hadn’t been across from the bed I probably would have climbed under the covers and tried to forget about everything. But the mirror taunted me, I saw my face, and I scared myself. Blood, dirt, mascara, eye shadow, and bruises. Forcing myself to get up I took the hottest shower I couldstand, and pulled out my favorite nightshirt. That's when I realized it was my oversized Raining Chaos t-shirt.
One look at the shirt in my hands and the tears started falling again. I threw it across the room and grabbed a plain white t-shirt before climbing between the covers, grabbing my stuffed Eeyore, I hugged him close. Sylvester jumped up on the bed and purred as he did his happy feet thing against my tummy before curling up with me. Thank God for unconditional love. Sniffling back tears, I closed my eyes and tried to make the world go away for a while.
I must have slept, because when I opened my eyes it was dark. I could hear Michelle’s voice in the other room. My stomach grumbled but I wasn’t hungry, and I was tempted to stay in bed, but my body demanded I get up and pee. Since I was already up, I brushed my teeth and hair and went to find Michelle.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chaos…
Somehow we managed to get through the freaking show. I don’t know how. Sweets and Candy were gone and we had no idea where they were. Cynda was gone, I knew why she left and I should be fuckin’ happy but I wasn’t. I had the horrible feeling I’d made a fuckin’ huge mistake.
I went back to the bus as soon as the show was over, leaving the guys to party with everyone. We were leaving for Virginia—the next tour stop—as soon as everyone was back on the bus.
Joe and Terrance went looking for the girls, luckily with all of their tweets it wasn’t hard to track to them down. Candy should have been a news reporter. She couldn’t sneeze without fucking tweeting about it. Once I knew they were on the way back I felt a little better. I’d tried to call Cynda but I kept getting her frigging voicemail.
It was late but I needed to make sure she was safe, so I tried again, and once again Igot her voicemail. Listening to her soft voice, I waited for the beep.
“Cynda, I want to make sure you’re okay. You didn’t have to leave like that. I’d appreciate it if you would give me a call.” I tried to be pleasant, I should have apologized but I couldn’t, not yet. I needed fucking answers, from her or somewhere, I couldn’t just fuckin’ forget what happened.
Hopefully she’d call me in the morning, if not, I’d have Flame call Michelle again to see if she’d turned up there. I shouldn’t care, right? She’d betrayed me? Or had she? Sally said I jump to conclusions, had I this time? So many times in my life shit happened and it was exactly like it looked, I’d learned to freaking expect it. Was I wrong? I didn’t know what to do, and my head felt like someone was banging on it with a fuckin’ hammer.
Going through the first aid kit, I finally found the aspirin when Joe and Terrence came in with the girls. As soon as Sweets saw me she tried to turn around and get off the bus.
“Wait, Sweets, Tammy…” She stopped when I said Tammy. We didn’t use our birthnames much since we’d started the band, except when we were really serious about something.
‘What?” Her blue eyes were filled with tears and anger, and I felt like shit for hurting her. How did things get so fucked up?
“Please sit down, we need to talk, you too Candy.”
Candy nodded and pulled out a chair at the small table. Sweets hesitated but then sat down. I popped a couple of aspirin and took a swig of water, then sat with them.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. You’re like sisters to me, both of you. It’s always been that way, and it will always be that way, nothing more nothing fucking less.”
Sweets watched me, and she looked so sad. Candy grabbed her sister’s hand and gave it a squeeze. It was easy to forget they were sisters since they looked nothing alike. Sweets was outgoing, with lots of curves she liked to show off, and long red hair, Candy was small with brown hair and pale blue eyes.
“We’re a family. I don’t want to break us up, but I am not in love with you, I do love you—both of you, you’re family. Can’t that be enough?”
“I don’t know. Why won’t you give us a chance?”
“I know you think you’re in love with me, but I think when you meet the man you’re really meant to be with you’ll forget all about me.”
Candy nodded. “That’s what I was telling her.”
