Wrath put a mug of coffee in my hand and I took a drink. It helped a little but I hada long way to go. The day had started so great but it sure went to fuck in a hurry. He kept bringing me coffee, and after three or four more mugs I went to find Joe. He’d spent a lot of time with Cynda, if he was back at the bus maybe he’d know what she’d been doing.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cynda…
As I tossed my clothes into the suitcase I seethed with anger. I never packed so fast in my life, but I wasn’t going to spend a second longer on the damn bus than I had to. Thank God for smartphones, I had the name of a cab company and requested one to pick me up by the time I’d gotten back to the tour bus. At least I didn’t cry. I was too pissed off. Joe took one look at me and winced as I came in, but I couldn’t talk to him. If I’d tried to explain I’d have cried, no doubt about it. He was too nice and he would have hugged me and it would have been over. Total basket case. Nope, I wanted to hold on to my mad.
I’d never met such a fuckin’ stubborn asshole. Who the hell was he? God, Jr.? He knew everything and was always right? He didn’t need to hear explanations? He was judge, jury, and get the fuck out of here. Well fine, I’d be happy to get the fuck away from him, far, far away and if I was lucky I’d never see him again. I didn’t care it was going to cost me two hundred dollars for the cab backto the city, I needed away from him—from all of them.
Freakin’ Sweets. She must have snooped when we were sightseeing. When else would she have had time to find the notebook?
Grabbing my suitcase and purse I told Joe I’d call him. I was glad we’d exchanged numbers the other day. I dragged my suitcase into the back of the cab, not giving the driver a chance to put it in the trunk. Couldn’t he see I was in a hurry? I wanted to be gone before Mr. Fuckin’ Wonderful showed up.
I confirmed the address with the driver, and saw him looking at me in the rearview mirror. I’m sure I was a wreck. I pulled my brush out of my purse and at least got the snarls out of my hair, but a quick look showed me there was no fixing the rest of it in the back of cab. I needed soap, water, hell, a shower to wash the bitch off me.
Leaning my head against the seat I closed my eyes, it’d be at least three hours before I was home. Should I call Michelle and tell her I’m on my way? Nope, I was definitely not ready to deal with the questions, and didn’t want to broadcast my life to the driver.
Shaking my head, I tried to figure out where it’d all gone wrong. The sound check was great, but I was thirsty from the hotdog I’d had for lunch and went back to the dressing room to get some water. She must have seen me leave and followed me.
Her first push took me by surprise. I knocked over a bunch of the bottles stacked on the table as I tried to hold on to my balance. When I turned to see who it was, she slapped me across the face. My mother didn’t raise me to take shit from anyone, and I grabbed a fistful of her hair and smacked her back.
Her eyes widened in surprise, she definitely hadn't expected me to fight back. It was really the only thing that saved me. She was stronger and we both knew it. She pushed me into the wall and scratched anything she could. I tried to kick her legs out from under her, but she grabbed me and we both fell. She punched me in the mouth, and I pulled some of her hair out, then punched her in the boobs. She was about to punch me in the face again when Chaos walked in. I vaguely remembered hearing his voice, then he was pulling her off me.
I didn’t expect the notebook shit though. If Joe had been in the bus she’d have never gotten away with it, but oh well. I should have told Chaos last night, but work wasn’t on my mind. Now instead of being sore from making love all night, I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. I guess I had, Sweets the fuckin’ redheaded truck from hell. Sore, bruised, a bloody lip, and in a cab traveling back home to New York. Shit. It had been so good last night. How could it have turned to shit so fast?
Fuckin’ bitch, that’s how. As much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t all her fault. He accused me of stealing his songs. How could he? Obviously, I’d fooled myself into believing he was starting to really care about me. Maybe I was the ass.
How could he not realize she was just jealous? Was he just too stupid to see she was in love with him? Everyone else saw it. Well now she could have him, they deserved each other.
The buzz of my phone interrupted my thoughts—it was Chaos. Not only no, but hell no. You could go to hell buddy. I turned the phone off and shoved it into my purse. Iwas so tired all of a sudden and sore. I wished my mom was still alive. I needed one of her hugs. They fixed everything, almost, but she could always make me smile no matter how bad things seemed. And things fuckin’ sucked now. I concentrated hard on not crying, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction even if he couldn’t see me.
Of all my aches the worst was my heart. How could I have fallen for him so quickly or at all? He was everything I’d stayed away from. I hadn’t even dated the band dudes in high school or college. I wanted no part of a man in music for just this reason. Yeah yesterday and last night were amazing. He was so different when we were alone. It must’ve been an act, probably trying to convince me to help him with Symmetry. Well he was shit out of luck now. I’d write their songs the way I wanted and turn them in, then quit the freakin’ job—promise or no promise—then I’d apply for kindergarten positions. By fall next year, I should be teaching a bunch of cute little kids and this would all be a bad memory. Except he wouldn’t be easy to forget, ever.
With my plans made I tried to convince myself this was for the best. Better to beangry than hurt. I tried to hold on to it, but by the time we’d pulled up in front of my building all I wanted to do was climb into bed and cry. How could I fall in love with him? Why? I knew better. Now after showing his true colors it felt like he’d ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped it into a bloody splatter on the floor.
Opening the door to my loft, I was greeted by Sylvester and Michelle. I didn’t say anything when she gasped at how I looked, just bent over and rubbed my kitty.
“What the fuck happened to you? And why didn’t you answer your phone?”
“Because I shut it off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.”
Shaking her head, she followed me into the kitchen. It was my routine, I came home I went to the kitchen to feed Sylvester, except she’d already fed him. He didn’t need me, no one did. That one small thing was all it took and I slid to the floor. I’d gone as far as I could and held back the tears for as long as possible, but it was over.
Tears ran down my cheeks, hot, salty, and stinging where I’d been scratched.Holding my head in my hands I cried my heart out, gasping for air and hiccupping with the force of my sobs. I cried for the love I’d just found and lost, and for being so stupid as to trust.
Michelle sat down on the floor, wrapped her arms around me, and let me cry it out. Eventually she handed me a dishtowel for the tears. Crying was messy, anyone who believed otherwise was stupid. I was already covered in dirt and blood, which was now joined by streaks of mascara running down my cheeks.
I don’t know how long we sat there but eventually the hiccups slowed down and the tears dried up. Tilting my head back against the cabinet, I was totally drained. I didn’t have the energy to stand let alone take a shower. My heart hurt, or at least the hole where it used to be hurt. I didn’t think I had one any more. The tears started again, slowly sliding down my cheeks leaving more trails. I was even sadder if that makes any sense at all.
“Cyn, what happened?” Michelle asked for the third time, as she helped me get up. Picking up my suitcase, she dragged it andme to the bedroom. “Eric called me and said you were probably on your way home.”
“Who’s Eric?”
“Flame?”
Oh yeah. Damn, I didn’t want to think about Raining Chaos—any of them—it made me think ofHIM.
“Did he tell you what happened?”
