Carmine scoffs. “I fucking knew it. I knew this wasn’t about protection. I knew you were lying to me.” He grabs me by the front of my shirt, and I do the same with him, trying to shove him off, but he’s clinging to me good.
We’re face to face, nose to nose. I can feel his hot breath against my mouth.
“You’d do the same thing if you were in my shoes,” I insist. “Loyalty to our families is all we have, ain’t it?”
“You told me that you were giving me those guards to protect me. Protect my family. Does Eivor even care about access to the club? Or was that just to try and butter me up. Give something to trade so it would seem like it was serious?”
“We did give you the guards. They have been working for you. That wasn’t a lie,” I try to tell him, but I know it’s not totally true. “They’ve been collecting information on your family, but it hasn’t been used yet.”
His eyes go wide and he shakes me with all of his strength, which I can tell he isn’t at full.
“You motherfucker,” he growls. “You tried to get me killed.”
I grab his hands and try to pry them off me. I’m fairly certain if he doesn’t get off me in the next second, I’m going to do something I’ll regret. I start to see red, and the guilt that’seating me up inside only grows more intense. The frustration and confliction rising.
“I saved you!” I shout at him as I force his hands off my shirt and hold him by the wrists. My large hands curled around his smaller ones. “Not once, not twice, three times!”
“And how many of those times were planned by you? Did you—? Oh God,” Carmine chokes out. “D-Did you plan what happened with Jackson?”
This time it’s my eyes that go wide.
“No! Fuck no! I would never do that, Carm,” I tell him. My eyes burn with tears that I can’t stand. They make me feel weak and stupid. I’ve already failed my family, when my uncle finds out, I have to be strong. I can’t let this weakness get to me.
“How can I trust that?” he asks me. “How can I trust anything you say?” He tries to pull away from my grasp.
I blink at him as my heart aches in my chest, rubbing itself raw against my ribcage in all its staggering emotion. I can’t deny what I’m feeling.
“Because what I feel isn’t a lie.” I’m the one choking out the words this time.
His breath hitches as he stops fighting me. “What?”
“I keep trying to do what Eivor tells me. Fight against you, while also trying to keep you safe. With every step forward, I take a step backward and end up in the same fucking spot. Because I can’t do what they want me to do and protect you at the same time,” I tell him, my voice low and thick. “I might’ve been lying about why I’m here. Why we gave you those guards. I might’ve led you into a trap but…what’s happening between us isn’t a lie.”
“There’s nothing between us,” Carmine spits at me and pulls away from me in a moment that catches me off guard. I let him go. My hands tremble, and he’s trembling too. He looks pale and sickly from blood loss. Like he’s just a second away from passing out.
“You know that’s not true.” I step closer to him, just in case he does fall. I want to be able to catch him.
“I need you, Carmine. More than I’ve ever needed anyone, and…fuck, I don’t understand it, but it’s true,” I insist and reach out for him, placing a hand on his arm. “What I need from you, that’s…that’s not a lie.”
He pulls away from me and takes a breath. “Just stop,” he says roughly. “Stop. I can’t do this.”
He takes a step to the side, and then looks over to the stairs. “I’m leaving, and if you try to stop me…”
I shake my head. “I won’t, but you need blood, Carm.”
“Don’t call me that,” he hisses.
“Fine. It stands. Let me take you to the hospital. The guards headed there anyway, and we can get you some blood and shit before you knock out,” I insist.
“I’m driving,” he tells me and holds out a hand for the keys.
I snort. “Absolutely not, you look like you can barely walk.”
He glares at me.
“If you don’t get your ass moving toward the stairs, I’ll pick you up,” I tell him and glare back at him.
He looks at me for a moment, up and down, and I watch his eyes as he seems to be trying to figure out if I’m serious. He must decide that I am, because he starts walking toward the stairs.
