“What do you mean you’re not going to be there?” Mary asked.
“I didn’t upset you that much, did I? Oh, Charlotte, I was only teasing. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Lydia had a horrified look on her face.
Even Clara was upset. She overheard the conversation and looked up from her doll. There was a sad look on her face.
“But you can’t leave. There’s still so much fun for us to have together!” she exclaimed.
Charlotte felt her heart being torn in all directions, but this was for the best. She was certain of it.
“Lydia, it’s not anything you’ve done. And Clara, I know that there’s still lots more fun we can have, but there’s time for thatin the future. This isn’t farewell forever. I am only making a temporary visit, perhaps for a few months.”
She spoke in a reassuring, calming tone, but it didn’t help to soothe Clara’s mood. Clara flopped to the ground and shook her doll angrily, turning her back to Charlotte. Mary gave Charlotte a sympathetic look.
“When was this decided?”
“Last night. Before I retired to bed, I spoke with Grandmother. We are going to venture to our estate up north. Grandmother hasn’t been there for many years, and she is nostalgic about the place. Apparently, she has many fond memories. I’m sure I’m going to hear about them all, repeatedly.” She smiled softly.
Lydia did not share the sentiment.
“But surely you could wait a few days? Mary, Alfred, and Clara will visit us. We can picnic and ride, and do so many other things. The wedding is only the beginning of the celebration, not the culmination!” Lydia spoke with wide, imploring eyes.
“And I’m sure that you will enjoy them all, but I find myself tired of attending so many events. I wish to put some distance between myself and society. Lydia, you thrive on the energy of these balls, but I feel drained. There is only so much I can take.”
“If there’s anything you need, we can accommodate it,” Mary offered, placing a hand on Charlotte’s.
Charlotte offered a grateful smile.
“What I need most of all is some space. I have not enjoyed any clarity of mind since we arrived. I wish to sit in a quiet room and stare out into nature as I work on my notes.”
“But—” Lydia began, although she was interrupted by Mary.
“If that’s what you require, then you shall leave with our blessing. When you are ready to return, we shall visit again, and I can tell you all the news,” Mary said. Then, she moved to where Clara was pouting and took the girl’s hand, speaking to her quietly.
Charlotte took the opportunity to speak privately with Lydia.
“This truly has nothing to do with you. I know you were only teasing. I apologize if my replies have been short, but I find the matter entirely vexing. Before I arrived here, I was assured of my place in the world and my ambitions, but certain events have unsettled me. I need to regain a sense of calm. It is only temporary, I promise.”
“Very well,” Lydia sighed. “At least you will be here for the wedding.”
At this point, Clara approached Charlotte. Clara looked at her feet and had her hands clasped behind her back.
“I’m sorry for what I said, Charlotte. I was just sad; that’s all,” Clara apologized in a muted tone.
“I forgive you. We all say things we don’t mean sometimes when our emotions get the better of us. I promise that as soon as I return, we will arrange a time to see each other,” Charlotte assured.
Clara nodded and then fell into her lap, wrapping her arms around Charlotte’s waist. Charlotte’s hand fell onto Clara’s back. She stroked it softly and then moved up to play with Clara’s long hair. Sometimes Clara was so impudent that it was easy to forget how young she truly was. There were so many things about the world that she did not understand.
And to be honest, the same was true of Charlotte. Nathaniel had shaken her completely. The only way she could think of regaining her emotional balance was to take herself as far away from that man as possible. She had lost herself recently. It was time for her to find herself in her work again.
It was time to make Nathaniel and his kisses a distant memory.
Chapter Thirty
“Bad luck about Lady Honoria; I certainly didn’t see that turn coming,” Edmund observed, sipping some port and placing a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder.
Nathaniel grunted in reply and cast a sharp gaze toward the lingering hand, but he did not ask Edmund to remove it.
“I’m sure she felt justified in her decision,” Nathaniel replied.
