“You used his first name!” she gasped with glee, as though this confirmed all of her suspicions. Charlotte felt heat rising to her cheeks, wishing that she could take back her words.
“It was just a slip of the tongue,” Charlotte stammered, trying to recover, but the error had been made, and it revealed much about the intimacy shared between her and Nathaniel.
“It must be love,” Lydia sighed. She made a swooning motion, swaying back and forth in the window, looking angelic as she was bathed in golden light.
“It most certainly is not,” Charlotte replied sharply, her words cutting through the air. The smile was quickly swept away from Lydia’s face as she bore the brunt of her sister’s ire. “I have no desire to fall in love. I have no room in my life for love. And if my life shall ever be blessed with love, I cannot imagine it would be anything like this. It’s just all been muddled, that’s all. Now please, I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making these insinuations.”
The words flowed out of her in a heavy breath. Lydia looked downcast, and while Charlotte felt a little guilty for causing her to feel this way, she could not allow herself to indulge Lydia’s speculation. But there was someone else in the room who was affected by these harsh words, and the tender reaction pricked Charlotte’s heart.
“Charlotte… what’s wrong with being in love?” Clara asked, tugging at Charlotte’s dress and looking up at her with eyes so wide they might well have contained the entire world.
Before she responded, Charlotte cast an enquiring look at Mary, who merely challenged Charlotte to come up with an answer.
Charlotte brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. She put her arms around Clara and picked her up, setting her on her lap.
“Well, Clara, there is nothing wrong with love at all. Your mother and Lord Blackwood show that every time they are together. However, what is right for one is not necessarily right for another. Some people like jam, for example, and some prefer marmalade. Neither is wrong; it’s just that they have different preferences. Do you understand?”
Clara furrowed her brow.
“I think so… so is His Grace jam or marmalade?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
“No, that’s not what I meant…” Charlotte tried to think of a different way to explain things. “It’s just that not everyone wants the same things out of life. You’ll understand more when you’re older. Some people want to get married, but others want to travel, and still others want to devote their time to research, like me.”
“Why can’t you do all of them?”
“I’m afraid the world doesn’t work like that. Sometimes, you have to choose.”
Clara pouted, clearly unhappy with this revelation.
“Well, I don’t see why I should have to choose. I will have everything,” she said and wriggled off Charlotte’s lap. She sank to the floor and started playing with her doll again, giving it words of encouragement. Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a little chastised.
“So, you would not even entertain marriage to Lord Winstanley?” Lydia asked, sounding disappointed.
“I don’t know, Lydia. I really don’t know. I was not anticipating being courted by anyone. I was not looking for it. I’m struggling to make sense of it all in my mind. What I really want is to find somewhere quiet and focus on my research. I need to regain my equilibrium.”
“But what if this is all part of your fate? What if your life is supposed to be like this?” Lydia asked, desperation creeping into her voice.
Charlotte rose from her seat and joined her sister.
“It’s not, Lydia. My life is how I wish it to be. Please stop forcing these ideas of love and marriage because I do not welcome them. Why are you so adamant about it all?”
Lydia sniffed and directed her gaze to her lap. The smile and glee had vanished.
“Because if you don’t fall in love, then perhaps I won’t either.”
“The difference between us is that you are looking for it. Your heart is open. You have enough love to make up for both of us. I have always been different, and there is no shame in that. We may be sisters, but we have different lives, Lydia. I’m sure that in time we will be celebrating your marriage, just as we are celebrating Mary’s now.”
Mary came over to join them.
“And the celebrations shall be ones that have never been seen before. Long may they stretch, beyond the wedding, for weeks and months on end!” Mary cried happily, stretching her hand into the air. Mary placed a hand on each of their shoulders.
“And the two of you shall be with me every moment. And even if you won’t ever get married, Charlotte, you will still know the joy of a wedding because the happiness will be infectious.”
At this, Charlotte paled and turned away, slipping away from Mary’s arm.
“Actually, there’s something I need to mention. I’m not going to remain at Stonewood after the wedding.”
Lydia and Mary both gaped at Charlotte.
