“I am if you’re disappointed. Are you disappointed?”
It was late in the evening, and Nathaniel had endured many tiring conversations. He couldn’t bring himself to lie. He simply didn’t have the energy.
“In truth, I think I owe her a debt of gratitude for being brave enough to leave. It can’t have been easy for her. There was a… distance between us. The way she acted, it’s as though she was trying to be the woman I wanted, rather than herself. I’m not sure I met the real Lady Honoria during her brief visit.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted—someone to be the perfect duchess.”
“I thought that’s what I wanted as well. I may have been wrong.”
Alfred smirked.
“That is progress, brother. You’re finally willing to admit when you’ve made a mistake.”
Nathaniel’s mouth twisted, but he chose not to rise to the bait.
“I noticed you dancing with Charlotte. You seemed more animated than when you were dancing with Lady Honoria. How was the conversation?”
Infuriating. Challenging. Testing.
“It was fine.”
“Did you discover anything about her intentions with Lord Winstanley?”
“She told me again that she is focused on completing her research and bringing it to publication. She reiterated her lack of interest in marriage. She may marry Lord Winstanley eventually, or she may not. As she was adamant in saying, it is none of my business.”
“I see. And is that going to stop you?”
“I would never go against a lady’s wishes.”
“Nathaniel, make use of this opportunity while you have it. Otherwise, Mother will bring another perfect duchess to our door, and the next one might not walk away. You might think you have all the time in the world, but you don’t.”
Alfred walked away, leaving Nathaniel standing alone on an island in this sea of people. He looked out the window and saw Agatha consoling his mother. Across the room, Charlotte and Lydia were deep in conversation. Elsewhere, Edmund and Lord Winstanley were laughing like old friends.
Nathaniel felt as though he was on the cusp of something, but it was just out of his grasp. What he really wanted was to march across to Charlotte, take her in his arms again, and kiss her.
But he couldn’t even tell Charlotte that herself. Every time they spoke, he got caught up in a twisting argument. And how was he even supposed to be honest about his feelings after all this time?
Duty, duty, duty. It shackled him. It strangled him. It diminished him. He was trapped by his title, perhaps forever, and Charlotte was just a taste of something he could not have.
There were some who were not as unfortunate as he. He noticed Alfred and Mary moving as one, how their faces lit up, and how it seemed so natural for them to be together.
He collected a glass of champagne and then strode to where the musicians were playing. He gave them a sign to slow the music down before stopping completely. The arrival of silence caught everyone’s attention, and they all turned to him.
“I apologize for interrupting the music. I can assure you that it will resume once I have made my announcement. First of all, I would like to thank you all for attending tonight. It brings me great joy to see all of you enjoying our hospitality. But there is something I must say regarding my brother.”
He took a moment to absorb the surroundings of the room. Word filtered outside, and so those people were returning inside, including Agatha and Beatrice. He turned to Alfred and Mary, enjoying the hopeful look on their faces.
“He has been a fine companion and a good friend. I would like to officially declare that he and Lady Sterling have my blessing to get married. I can’t think of two people who are better suited to each other. If the rest of us only get to enjoy half the happiness you two share, then we shall be lucky indeed. Raise your glasses to Lord Blackwood and Lady Sterling, for soon, they shall be as one.”
He raised his glass first, and everyone else followed suit. There was a great cheer that rose up as people turned to congratulate the couple. Mary blushed, unused to being the center of attention, while Alfred accepted the handshakes and congratulations with an amiable smile. But he reserved one meaningful glance for Nathaniel.
Nathaniel stood before everyone else, feeling isolated. He would always be an observer of the world, but the least he could do was to give Alfred the happiness that he would never obtain. In another life, he would be the younger brother, and it would be Alfred declaring his blessing. And his bride?
He was looking at Charlotte.
The yearning in his heart was more powerful than anything he had felt before, and yet for all his power, he felt impotent.
He loved her, but he was resigned never to have her.
