PRESENT DAY.
“What do we want to do this afternoon?”I can’t help but smile as I observe my class of 12 students, a mix of grades 10-12, in the afternoon after lunch.The special needs class is always one of my favorites.Many of these kids have learning or behavioral disabilities, but they’re the sweetest bunch, and I adore working with them.
“Art!”one calls out.
“Math,” another grumbles.
“Can we finish readingAccidental Magic?”one of the quieter girls asks, holding up the book.
“I’ve never read that one before.Is it good?”I ask.
As a substitute, I’m supposed to follow the lesson plan from their regular teacher; however, with this group, that’s not always possible.I know that Mrs.Clarke also deviates from her own plans at times, depending on the class needs.
Everyone excitedly talks, describing the clumsy heroine and the book’s magical elements.
“I guess we’ll be reading a chapter before hitting the computer lab?”The cheers all around make me laugh because before this, they all wanted different things.
As everyone gets out their books and workbooks to take notes, I lead the reading from where they left off last and allow everyone a chance to read a paragraph or two on their own.The educational assistant or I only step in once they’ve asked for help.Some kids will get it with time, and others will still need help.
After finishing up a chapter and having a quick discussion about it, it’s time for them to move on to computer science, leaving me a class period to take a breather.Which has been rare these days, between caring for my younger siblings over the past year, and now, bringing my own bundle into the world.Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.
After organizing the kids’ completed work today and putting it in the drawer Mrs.Clarke requested, I tidy up the room and make sure everyone’s belongings are where they should be.
Exhaustion weighs down my limbs as I drop into my chair.This pregnancy is really taking it out of me.By the time I get home most days, I’m too tired to cook and do any homework with Joey.My eight-year-old brother has struggled the worst since gaining custody of him and my two younger sisters.Kylie is six and in first grade, and Emma is two and having trouble in daycare.
Taking a refreshing drink of water, I hope to revive some energy now that I’ve cut out caffeine for the baby’s sake.After seeing him or her for the first time on a scan I had last week, any thoughts of giving the baby up vanished.It’ll be a hardship, and I might have to seek child support from the father in an effort to help take care of the four of us, but I’m doing this.I’m going to have a baby and be a single mom of four.
My love for the father and his wishes are the only reasons I haven’t told him.He made it pretty clear five months ago that what we had could only be one night.There was no future waiting for us, and it took me a while afterwards to realize he meant it.I’m still trying to accept it.
The problem with telling Carmine about the baby is that, despite the darkness surrounding him, he’s an honorable man and will want to marry me.But I don’t want a loveless marriage, especially when resentment could fester and grow, ruining us both.
Besides, it’s not just the baby or me to consider.It’s my younger siblings, as well.They’ve had a hard life.My mother was barely fifteen when she had me, and I remember the days of adversity.Living in a car after being evicted from some of the shittiest apartments our meager money could rent.
When she met Matt Bailey, things were better for a while.We moved into his house, and they played the perfect couple.Until she got pregnant with Joey, then the drinking started.He didn’t want screaming babies around, but he didn’t mind me because I knew when to shut up and basically took care of myself.
When Kylie came along, the beatings began, and because of the pregnancy, I would often try to protect my mom.Despite her insistence that I didn’t.We all learned quickly to stay out of Matt’s way.
Emma was a surprise none of us expected.Matt would go on rampages for days, sometimes weeks at a time, so it wasn’t abnormal for Mom and the kids to stay with me once I got my own apartment about three years ago.Until one day, he beat my mother so severely that she went into labor two months early and was barely able to call for help.By the time she arrived at the hospital, she’d died in the ambulance and was kept alive long enough for them to perform emergency surgery to deliver the baby.My infant sister was merely minutes away from dying, and whenever I think about that, it becomes hard to breathe.
Emma is the sweetest little girl in the world.
After the charges against Matt were dropped, I battled for custody of the kids.Luckily, a lawyer took our casepro bonodue to the circumstances.She herself had been in a domestic violence marriage when she was younger, and fighting for us brought her pleasure.
With the proven abuse towards the kids and me, we were also issued protective orders to keep him away from us.Not that he cares.It was abundantly clear to the courts that he wanted nothing to do with my siblings, and we were all just fine with that.
My dream has always been to become a full-time teacher.Taking the substitute/receptionist position at Atalanta Prep was my only option back then because they pay extremely well and their benefits cover everything.I do my best to stay in my lane and not cause a fuss, so there’s never a reason to release me from my contract.However, now that I’m pregnant, I’m not sure how that will go.
I contact the daycare center to check on Emma.She’s in her terrible twos phase, and I’m honestly worried about how she’ll handle a baby in the house.Kylie and Joey are excited but concerned that my focus will shift.I’ve done what I can to reassure them that nothing will change, but they’ll need to see it before believing it, and I understand that.
My search for a larger yet still affordable apartment has begun because I don’t have enough money to purchase a home.It’s all invested in the kids and daycare, plus I don’t want to move out of the school district because Joey finally feels comfortable in his class and has made a couple of good friends.Kylie, thankfully, makes friends anywhere she goes, so I’m not overly worried about her.Unfortunately, everything has been either too small, too much, or a substantial change for the kids.The last thing I want to do is disrupt their lives.
Sighing, my head pitches back in my chair, and I try to focus on breathing while rubbing my belly, and “peanut” displays his restlessness as he flutters around.During my exam last week, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to know the baby’s sex, so they put it in an envelope for me to decide later.Honestly, that doesn’t matter so much as their health, and so far, they’re doing well.
I take my daily vitamins, watch what I’m eating within reason, but I can’t seem to shake my routine salted caramel donut from a bakery around the corner.And I’ve been exercising each day, even when I don’t feel up to it, because it always makes me feel better afterwards.
The kids have been enjoying it as well because we make more meals together during the week and, on weekends, we meal prep breakfasts and lunches for the coming days.Daily walks around the block or to the park are also one of their favorite ways to pass time.
When I’m not overly exhausted on the weekends, we’ve also been able to go to the library for some of the free kids’ activities.Whether it’s gaming for Joey, crafts for Kylie, or story time for Emma, I try to keep them active and social.
