I take her lips again before helping her into her nightie and tucking her into bed next to me.Holding her close, feeling our baby move for the first time as she falls asleep in my arms.
I don’t know how the hell I lucked out so fucking well, but I’ll never let her go.Never let those kids go.Which means I need to deal with their father.Make sure he understands that Noa and the kids are off limits and the consequences should he seek them out once he’s out of prison.
CHAPTER12
Noa
It’s been nearly two weeks since we moved into Carmine’s home.Everything has been perfect.Blissful, even.The kids are thriving, I’m sleeping better—when Carmine lets us sleep.The man is insatiable, always lavishing me with more pleasure than my body can handle.
Spring break is just around the corner, and Carmine has mentioned taking the kids to the Hamptons.Close enough to drive, since the doctor recommends I don’t fly right now.It’s not worth the risk.He already spent a fortune on us last weekend with a visit to the Jersey Shore, so the kids’ rooms could be painted without us breathing in the fumes.
Carmine is so caring.Incredibly attentive.The kids love him fiercely and have even started calling his friend Uncle Jer.I can tell Emma and Kylie want to call him Dad, but I believe they’re waiting on that cue from Joey and me.My brother hasn’t given him a hundred percent of his trust yet, but they’re getting there.
“Mommy.”Emma comes running into the room and hops on the bed; her sleepy voice never fails to make me smile.She’s the sweetest little thing and greets everyone like they’re her best friend.“Rara, come today.”She can’t quite say Aura’s name, but the young woman doesn’t seem to mind.Their bond has truly blossomed now that Aura has been visiting more.
“Auraiscoming over.Are you having a tea party or doing your nails?”They manage to do all the girly things, lightening the load on my shoulders because that’s something I would normally do with the girls.
Kneeling on the bed, she grabs her hair and lifts it.“Hair!”Spotting Carmine sneaking up behind her, I try to hide my amusement when he tickles her sides.“Daddy, noooo!”she cries out, giggling.His eyes shoot to mine in surprise but fill with pleasure, silently asking for permission for her to call him that.
It’s challenging to hide my tears as they play on the bed without jostling me too much.
“Shall we make Mommy breakfast?”he finally asks her, and she nods before dashing out and calling for her siblings.“You okay with that?”He plops down next to me, brushing a lock of hair away from my face.
“I think the better question is, are you?”We haven’t spoken much about future commitments, so I’m not sure how to work with this.
“Yeah, I am.I know they’re not mine, but damn would I like them to be.”Dropping a kiss on my forehead, he leaves without another word.
Left to contemplate how our lives are changing, I’m slow to get out of bed.Despite the comfortable mattress, my back has been spasming for a few days, and my energy is quickly depleting again.I have to remember to make another doctor’s appointment because there’s a scream in my head that something is wrong.The baby still moves plenty, so I don’t think it’s him or her.I think it’s me.
On the walk towards the attached bathroom, I take my time because I’m a bit dizzy.Probably just need to eat.Holding onto furniture as I go, I slide onto the vanity chair and lean over the counter to help.
“Mom?”Joey’s voice startles me as I see him across the room.Obviously, he came in and noticed my unsteadiness.“Are you okay?”Slowly, he draws closer.Almost like he’s afraid that if he moves any faster, something will happen.
“Yeah, I think I need to eat.”He doesn’t believe me.It’s written all over his face.
“I can get Carmine…”
Shaking my head makes me feel like I’m spinning.I lunge for the toilet, barely reaching it before I throw up and hear Joey’s terrified scream for help.That is not a sound I’ll forget anytime soon.
Slumping against the cool tile wall, my eyes drift shut, and my words slur as I try to comfort Joey.His hands are on my shoulders…fighting to keep me upright?I’m not sure.My head whirls, my stomach is in knots.My ears ring, and I’m sluggish.Lifting a hand, it barely moves.That’s when fear kicks in.
I knew things were too good to be true.Life was too kind to us, and now I’m paying the price.My baby is paying the price.
“Nooo, no, no, please.”Hot tears track down my cheeks when Carmine’s strong arms pick me up and hold me tight to his chest.He’s talking, the kids are crying, my eyes refuse to open, and all I can think is that I should have kept pushing him away.“Who’s going to take care of them now?”I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud.
“Come on, mama, open your eyes.Look at me.”He lays me down on something firmer than our bed.A sofa?“Noa, you need to open your eyes.”His stern tone is one I’m only used to in the bedroom, but it works.“There she is.”His eyes are etched with fear, a stark terror you only feel when you’ve already lost your partner.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, glancing around, still feeling like I’ve been on a bender with more drugs than sense.
“An ambulance is on the way.”His voice is cold, and he pulls away when I reach for him, sitting on the coffee table, creating distance between us.
Joey gives him a funny look but kneels on the floor in front of me.The expression on his face tells me he’s thinking the same as I am.Carmine is building up his walls again, and we’ll be the casualties.
I should have ignored my heart to begin with.It’s never steered me in the right direction.
* * *
Groggy and sore, I blink a few times before recognizing where I am.The hospital.I must have blacked out because I don’t even remember the paramedics showing up, let alone arriving here.
