If I were a complete stranger, I’d think he was their dad.My heart and belly cramp at the same time, as sadness whisps through my chest like an avalanche.
CHAPTER9
Carmine
My entire life, I’ve never had to wait for anything.Whatever I’ve wanted, I’ve always gotten.Some would say I’m spoiled or entitled in that respect.Patience is not my strong suit; something I’m learning will serve me well if I just embrace it.
After driving Noa and the kids home last night, she refused to let me come up to her apartment, insisting she just wanted to get everyone settled, then sleep.Witnessing her level of fatigue, I let it go.She didn’t need me to be one more thing putting pressure on her.
Now, I’m sitting in the waiting room of her ob-gyn because I want to be here for her.I’ve missed enough of this pregnancy already, and I don’t intend to let that continue.Her appointment is in a few minutes, and I keep an eye on the entrance until she walks in, looking more tired than when I’d left her the evening before.
She’s makeup-free, her hair in a messy braid, wearing a baggy sweater and black leggings.It appears as if she just crawled out of bed, but she’s never been more beautiful to me.The woman is sex on legs, having no idea the appeal she holds for me.
I stand, walk to her side, and take her bag while she checks in with reception.
“Carmine, I didn’t expect you,” she says, despite my telling her I was interested in coming with her.I have questions about this exhaustion she feels and the pain she was in last night.
“I told you I wanted to be involved, mama.”Escorting her to a chair, I don’t miss the wince as she sits.“I want a hell of a lot more, but I don’t think you’ll agree to any of it, so can you humor me today?”
Her name is called before she can respond.
Helping Noa to her feet, we follow the nurse back.I’d half expected her to tell me to wait until she was done, but the fact that she’s holding me so tightly indicates that she needs the support but refuses to ask for it.
“Dr.Green will be a few minutes,” the nurse says after taking Noa’s vitals and making a few notes in her chart.
Staring at Noa, I can see her mind working.The questions turn over in her eyes before she finally speaks.“What more do you want?”Her gaze drops with uncertainty.
“Everything,” I respond.Laying it all out for her would take more time than we have right now.The one word should just about cover it all.
“That’s a lot.”
“It could be.I want us to work, Noa.”
“You already had the great love of your life.”
Ah, haunted by my own words.
“Who says I can’t have two?”
Do I love Noa?
Sitting back, I allow my feelings for her to flow through me and realize that it’s more than love.Being nothing if not honest with myself, my feelings for Noa were immediate and strong.It’s why I pushed her away—fear of losing her the way I did Juliette.The loss of my first wife was devastating; losing Noa would be catastrophic.
“I suppose that can be true.”She chews her lip, looking everywhere but at me.I won’t push her right now, but soon, she’ll need to make some decisions about us.“But I have the kids to worry about, too.I can’t just go jumping into things.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.I’d much rather you be cautious and make sure they’re as happy as you are, but Noa, mama…” I lean forward in my chair, placing my hands on her thighs and holding her stare.“I want them too.”
She sucks in a sharp breath just as there’s a knock on the door.
“Oh, hello!Noa, it’s good to see you.Is everything alright?”The doctor’s gaze moves between us, questioning.
“Dr.Green, this is Carmine, the baby’s father.”
Shaking the woman’s hand, I can see she’s skeptical of my appearance.
“Nice to meet you,” I say, and she gets right into the appointment.
We talk about the pain she’s been in, her exhaustion, the results of her last blood work and ultrasound, and fortunately, everything appears great.She’s given orders to rest more and look into a softer mattress to help with the joint pain.The best part is listening to the baby’s heartbeat—strong, steady, a damn miracle.I’d forgotten how amazing it was to hear that magical sound.
