A release. That was all this would be.
But the way he was looking at me—goddess spare me. I wanted more than his body. I wanted things I shouldn’t. Things I couldn’t keep. And if we kept going, losing them would hurt even more.
This was more than justa release—it could ruin me.
“Wait,” I said, my voice cracking.
He’d just reached my calves when he froze. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his hooded eyes shadowing with concern.
“We can’t do this.” I swallowed. “Not tonight.”Not ever.
“Of course,” he said. He slid my underwear back up then returned to my side. He released a long breath, as if to snuff out a spark before it caught flame.
The fire inside me had already been choked out by regrets and a future that could never be. “Are you okay?” I asked in a tentative voice that was foreign to my ears. Was he upset that I’d turned him down? Would he try to change my mind? I really hoped not. My willpower was as fragile as a dried petal and would crumble just as easily under his touch.
He smiled at me like I was a pearl he’d found while searching for pebbles. “I’m with you, so I assure you I’m more than okay,” he said. “Do you still want me to stay?”
Did I?
The wise thing would be to send him away. For so many reasons. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not when my bed would mourn the loss of his warmth and the sheets would ache with loneliness.
“Yes.” The word was a whisper and a plea.
“Good,” he said, pulling me onto his chest. “I’ll sleep better knowing you’re safe in my arms.”
Resting my cheek against his chest, I closed my eyes and listened to the beat of the heart that I was bound to break.
Chapter 39
The next morning, I woke to find Tarben gone. He must have wanted to avoid being spotted by a gossiping servant.
My pulse leaped as I remembered that it was two days until the full moon. I was certain I would see him again tonight which meant the time for pretending was over. It was time to end this ruse, which, after last night, felt less like a task and more like a betrayal.
From the way he was talking, the way he’d held me all night, I knew he loved me, he just needed to say it out loud. And once he spoke those three little words, I would have to look him in the eyes and tell him I didn’t feel the same way. I’d have to be convincing—cruel, even. I’d have to lie and make him believe he was nothing to me.
Only I would know the truth, and I would carry that secret with me for the endless years still to come. How I truly felt about my mortal prince.
A jolt shot through my body. I knew the answer to the riddle.
Sitting up at the breakfast table with my quill and ink, I opened the notebook. Blowing out a breath, I wrote the words that might finally reveal its mysteries.
A secret.
My heart stopped as the words vanished from the page. As quickly as they disappeared, they filled with new words. Pages and pages of words, illustrations and arcane symbols.
I blinked. This was no ordinary notebook; it was a grimoire.
Flicking through the pages, I found it was filled with spells, potions and rituals. All but the last page, which contained numbers. No explanation, just rows upon rows of numbers.
I was puzzling over what in confinement they could possibly mean when there was a knock at the door. Slamming the grimoire shut, I looked up to see Britta with my breakfast tray.
“Sorry to disturb you, Miss,” she said, entering the space hesitantly. I hadn’t exactly been the most welcoming towards her. It wasn’t anything personal, but her presence was a grim reminder of Runa’s absence. “I was instructed to get you ready after breakfast.”
“Ready for what?” I asked.
“Prince Tarben has returned, and all the nobles have been instructed to gather in the great hall in preparation for a celebration.”
A celebration? Strange. Tarben hadn’t mentioned it the night before. It must have slipped his mind.
