I stare at him, my heart racing, sweat collecting on my brow.
Fuck, I feel like I’m about to go into heat like an omega… but that’s not it. He just pulls this reaction from my body. Anytime he is around, I have to tighten my defenses because he knows his way through every wall. He always has.
“I won’t be able to keep the desire you provoke within me ina box anymore, my beautiful reckoning. And I shouldn’t have to.” A flash of light comes from down the road, a silver Toyota pulling up in front of us. I suddenly feel sick, like there wasn’t enough time. Axl looks at me, flashing a small smile that doesn’t completely reach his eyes. “If you decide to… pick up where we left off, I’ll be waiting. If not… don’t expect me to be there anymore. For both of our sakes.”
I watch him get out of the car, his strides casual as he walks toward his dad’s car. I feel myself crumble, desperate to reach into the past and pluck the memory back into the present. I want to take everything we said to each other back and return to the way things were.
But on the other hand, everything feels heightened. The stress breeds with excitement in my chest, and I realize that I’ve been lying dormant for a long time.
It might be time to finally wake up.
SEVEN
Playing: “About a Girl” by Nirvana
MAY, 2000 – 18 YEARS OLD
“Watch it,freak.” Someone’s shoulder rams into me as they walk by, slamming me into the locker with a loud thud. They laugh, like what they did was the funniest thing ever, and then keep walking, leaving me to nurse my newly bruised shoulder.
Gosh, you’d think after years of being here, they’d come up with something better thanfreak. Like, how am I supposed to be offended if they don’t show a little bit of creativity? There are plenty of things they could call me that could hit way worse.
I’m not in the mood for these cradle cunts today, anyway. I venture out into the parking lot, prepared to get into my car and cut last period, when I see a flash of blonde hair from the corner of my eye as someone darts into the old gym. It happens so quickly that I’m left confused. Was that who I thought it was? Or was it another blonde girl who goes to this school?
I stand there for a moment trying to decide what to do, but then my feet start moving of their own accord. I’m just hoping Idon’t walk in on anything explicit,especiallyif Stacey Hawthorne is involved.
I’m not sure what my obsession with her is. On the outside, she seems like the average Greenwood citizen with her preppy outfits and the way she carries herself, but there’s something else there too. I’ve glimpsed it hiding beneath the surface, forced down by expectation and worry. No matter how hard she tries to make her face, there’s a softness poking out of the mask. The truth is always in the eyes, and hers sparkle with something sinister, something much less proper than she leads people to believe.
When I enter the gym, it’s quiet except for a small sizzling sound. No voices or laughter, so my guess is that she’s in here alone, if she’s even here at all. I turn my head and look to the end of the small, uncomfortable bleachers to see Stacey standing there, her leg crossed over the other, while she puffs on something circular.
Is she…smoking?
The closer I get, the easier it is to make out the joint in her hand. It’s neatly rolled, way better than I’ve ever seen, and she’s puffing on it like she wants to get high as soon as possible.
Well, this could be fun.
Despite the fact that I’m not even trying to be discreet, she doesn’t turn or acknowledge me at all. When I get closer, the smell of the joint mixes with her beautiful white gardenia scent, and I can’t help but breathe it in deeper. I’d gladly get a contact high if it meant I got an opportunity to bask in her floral aroma. It doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, so any chance I get is one that I’ll take.
“Well, what do we have here?”
Stacey nearly jumps out of her skin, inhaling the smoke despite her shock. It must go down the wrong pipe because shehas a coughing fit, one that looks painful as her eyes water and her hand clutches her chest.
“Shit, my bad,” I say sincerely as I rush to her side.
“Axl, fuck—” She coughs some more, her voice deep from the smoke. “Shouldn’t you know better than to sneak up on someone?!”
Her chastising me is almost adorable as I take a seat near her, but not close enough for us to touch. “I didn’t know you’d choke.”
She hums and takes another hit, and the irritation melts off her face as she exhales. “Well, it’s fine, I guess. Occupational hazard.”
A chuckle escapes me. “Stacey Hawthorne, being reasonable. Maybe you should get high more often.”
She wrinkles her brow and then lets out a giggle. “Hey, I can be reasonable. Just not withjerkslike you.”
Her insult holds a lot less venom than usual, like she’s genuinely trying to joke around with me. I lean back on the metal bleachers. “Why are you skipping class, Miss Toker?”
She shrugs, still smiling wide. She looks so beautiful. “I wanted to try it before graduation. Classes and exams are over, so I figured today was the best day to start.”
“Damn, is this your first time getting high?” I ask teasingly, but she laughs like it’s the funniest thing ever and nods her head. “It is? How did you get the joint so neat?”
