If there was ever a selling point, that’s it. Mom and I have a tumultuous relationship these days. It’s rocky at best. She’s made the terrain hard for me to climb over with all of her demands. She’s become needy, whiny, and expects more from me than I’m willing to give. She says I owe her for ruining her life by taking away her husband. Damn bitch is loco. I saved her from the beast who terrorized her and beat her on a daily basis. Then the club covered my crime by spreading out my dad’s remains in the wilderness where any wild animal could feast on him. Hopefully, none of them died or got any sort of illness from all the alcohol that’d been poisoning his body—that would suck.
“When do we leave and what will we do to earn money?” I ask my future president.
He claps his hands and whoops before saying, “I wanted to talk to you about that.”
That talk turned into plotting and planning. I’ve been saving every dime I earned after moving in with Papa after we scattered my dad’s remains so I have a large nest egg saved that’s going to jump start and finance the cemetery/mortuary business that we’ll be partners in—alongside some of our other brothers that’ll be coming with us. We’ll all financially pitch in but I’ll be the primary backer. Since that’s where I’ve worked since I was a teenager, it’s all I know and why not use that knowledge to profit the club and set us up for the future?
“I want you to be my enforcer, Icer. There’s no one I trust more than you to have my back when things get tough,” he states. “What do you say? Will you accept that role?”
“We may not be as close as we used to be, Rip, but I’ll never let anything happen to you,” I pledge.
“I know you won’t,” he says around a smile. “It’s going to be strange with us all splitting up, though.”
“We all have to grow up sometime, Rip. Life is leading us in different directions, but we’ll always be brothers.”
“That we will. Pack your bags, Icer, we’re going on a road trip so we can look at this town Paps wants us to make our home. We have a lot to do.”
“I’ll meet you in thirty,” I state, standing up and walking through the field and toward the house I’ve called home for the last three years. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to it since it’s the first place I’ve ever lived that felt safe, but according to Papa, safety isn’t a place, it’s in those you surround yourself with and the patch you wear on your back.
CHAPTER
TWO
Icer
As time treks on,so does my internal struggle with anger. The guys want me to get help to deal with all of my childhood trauma, but that’s not happening. I don’t need anyone inside of my head rummaging around and dissecting me like I’m some sort of moldy science experiment. No fucking thank you. Instead, they’ve come up with an alternative source that’ll supposedly calm my raging moods.
“Drugs. You want me to do what? Take a few pills and pretend that it fixes everything that’s fucked up in my head? That’s probably the most asinine thing you’ve ever said to me, Rip.”
“He’s fucking serious, Rip,” LoneStar teases. “Wanna know how I know? Go ahead, ask.” When Riptide shakes his head in the negative, LoneStar sighs when the bait isn’t taken. “No? You’re no fun, Rip. He’s strung more than two sentences together and is using big words such as asinine, so youknowhe means business.”
I huff, rubbing the bridge of my nose to hold off the impending headache that appears anytime Indiana talks. It seemsallof my brothers have opinions and jokes when it comes to me and my mental health. Well, screw them. I am who I am due to my cruel and inhumane upbringing—they can deal with it or fuck all the way off. I don’t care either way, their thoughts and verbal slights don’t mean a damn thing to me. Learned a long time ago that I don’t need anyone’s glowing review of me because their opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one and at the end of the day, all they do is dispose of shit. Instead of responding to Indiana’s teasing, I grunt.
“And now he’s back to being nonverbal with his words,” LoneStar remarks around a puff of air. “Didn’t mean to pull your chain, Ice man. But Rip’s right, we have to find something to help mellow you out. You’ve become a danger to society.”
I can’t deny or refute his accusation because it’s true. I’m not a people person, they irritate me. Even my brothers aren’t safe from my wrath. It’s only gotten worse over time since Papa passed when his heart gave out and stopped beating. He was my true north, and now that I’ve lost that guidance, my compass has gone haywire and systematically points in every direction under the sun. If that’s not a mindfuck, I don’t know what is.
“I need you to make a run with Indiana,” Rip informs me. “To the mall.”
“To the what?” I ask, a full body shiver encompassing me, jarring my frame as I grind my teeth. That’s a lot of people for me to navigate around. “Why would you choose me for that? You know large crowds like that fuck me up. Especially seeing as it’s tax free weekend. That alone gives me murderous vibes.”
“Since when do I have to explain why I send one of my men out for an errand?” Riptide mutters out the question.
I roll my eyes because with me, you’d think that answer was glaringly obvious. “I’d think after all of the years you’ve spent with me, you’d know why.”
“Just take the goddamn drugs, Icer, and do as I said. I’m not in the mood to coddle you,” Rip snorts, sounding exasperated with me.
Fuck it, what’s it going to hurt? I’ll take the damn drugs and if I do something while on them, then I’ll let him reap the rewards from it.
As we ride through the streets, I notice Indiana is having a hard time averting his eyes from me. Every time I shift my vision his way, his peepers are staring at me. As we pull into the parking lot, I hear Indiana groan, but my sweet tooth has taken over my common sense and all I can think about is hitting the cookie shop.
“These little fuckers better not put a scratch on my ride,” Indiana hisses.
“It’s just paint, Indiana,” I remind him. His head snaps my direction as his eyes widen in disbelief.
After staring at me longer than I’m comfortable with, he scans the lot, asking, “You alright, brother?”
Feeling liberated and more alive than I ever have, I tell him, “I’m good. I feel so fucking free.” I toss my arms out wide and spinin circles, taking in all the colorful hues surrounding me. “The colors are fucking beautiful, aren’t they?” I squint my eyes at him as he yanks out his phone with his fingers flying across the keys. I ignore him, it’s not my fault he’s being a little bitch about how I’m reacting to my surroundings—I’m seeing things in a whole new light. Bored with his attitude, I start skipping through the lot, letting the auras of things encompass me and enjoying every second of it.
