When Ash finished their story, Jenn leaned forward and put a comforting hand on Ash’s forearm. “I’m not going to tell the Dean.”
A weight fell from Ash’s shoulders at Jenn’s words. “Thank you. I’m sorry to put you in this position.”
“I’m not done,” Jenn said. “I’m not going to tell the Dean, but you need to figure out whether you value your job or your relationship more. You can’t keep doing research with Luke and pursuing a romantic relationship with him. It’s a conflict of interest.”
Ash fell back in their chair. “Jenn, I’ve known you a long time. You know me. I would doanythingto continue my research.”
“Which is why I’m so surprised to see you jeopardizing it.”
Ash nodded. “But I also care about Luke.”
“You can’t have both, Ash.”
“I know.”
Jenn nodded. “As long as you know that. I didn’t want to do this, Ash. I wish I didn’t know. But I will keep your secret. Others won’t be so kind.”
Ash clenched their hands into fists in their lap. They always knew the day would come when they would have to choose between Luke and their job, but they didn’t realize it would happenso soon.
***
“How did it go?” Luke asked as he walked into Ash’s office twenty minutes later.
Ash took a long, deep breath and told Luke about his interaction with Jenn.
“What do we do now?” Ash asked.
“Jenn said she wouldn’t say anything. So…we just be careful.”
Ash sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Luke…”
Luke let out a breathy laugh. “You can’t be serious, Ash. We got off scot-free.”
“Thistime. What happens if another professor sees us? Or, fuck, even the Dean? We’re just supposed to keep our relationship under wraps? How are we supposed to do that when we live in the same fucking city as our colleagues? How will we go on dates? Will we just sit at home and watch TV? That’s not a relationship, Luke.” Ash gestured wildly as they spoke.
Luke shook his head. “So you would rather break things off thantryto make this work? Is going out together all that’s important to you?”
“That’s not what I meant, Luke.”
“Then what the hell did you mean? Because it sounds a lot like you care more about this job than you do me.”
Ash took a step towards Luke and took his hand. “Luke, Ireallylike you. I think this relationship could go somewhere. But is this worth losing our jobs? Losing everything we’ve worked so hard for?”
“So what, Ash? You want us to keep working together but not date? How the hell is that going to work?”
Ash shook their head. “It’s not. I’ll step back from our research. I’ll find someone in the chemistry department who needs a fellow researcher.”
“I’m not happy here; I was considering leaving before the start of this semester, but working with you has made me want to stay. I don’t want this to end,” Luke said, his voice catching.
“I don’t either, Luke.”
Luke shoved his free hand into his pocket. “What if I resigned?”
Ash licked their lips. “Let’s not do anything rash. We should sleep on it, reconvene tomorrow with fresh minds. We’ve had a long day, and it’s only half over. Let’s just take a break and talk tomorrow.” Ash put a hand to their head. “I think I need to lie down.”
“Are you getting a migraine?” Luke asked, taking a step forward to Ash.
Ash backed up. “I’m just feeling very overwhelmed and could use a nap.”
