"Thank you for bringing me here,” Ash said. “Although I feel like I should be saying ‘fuck you’, because I’m going to want this every day now.”
Luke shook his head and laughed, that rumble from deep in his chest that made Ash want to reach out for him.
“I’m glad you like it so much. We’ll have to come back.”
Ash liked the thought of that. They enjoyed spending time with Luke, both in and out of the lab. In truth, they liked these moments the best, when they could learn who Luke was and what he wanted out of life.
“What do you hope to get out of your career?” Ash asked.
“I love research. I want to do research full-time, but that’s hard to find. Most universities want you to teach. Teaching isn’t my passion; it’s just something I have to do for my research.”
While Ash didn’t understand that, on a personal level, they could appreciate the sentiment of Luke’s words. “Why did you pick thyroid cancer?”
Luke cleared his throat and shifted his gaze from Ash’s face to just over their shoulder. “My dad passed from thyroid cancer when I was in high school. I was already drawn to science, but that was when I picked biology.”
Ash nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Ash reached across the table and grabbed Luke’s hand. “My cousin passed too. She was my best friend.”
“I’m sorry for you too.”
The silence of grief fell over the table. It was one of those awkward silences where no one quite knows what to say. Death wasn’t a pretty topic. It was gritty; Ash learned the most about themself when dealing with grief. They learned a nice walk will do wonders for clearing their mind, that a nap was the best way to reset when they couldn’t stopcrying. They realized death was their best motivator; if they could take oncology one step closer to diagnosing or treating thyroid cancer, they could help prevent so many deaths.
“Do you ever feel like you’re failing?” Luke asked, suddenly breaking the silence. He didn’t meet Ash’s gaze, instead looking down at his plate as he pushed potato salad around with his fork. “I’ve been working on this research for the last seven years, and I feel like I’m no closer to finding a novel detection method than I was all those years ago. I feel like I’m letting my dad down.”
Ash nodded in understanding. “Why do you think I stormed out of the lab the other day?” Ash’s voice was barely a whisper as they fought back the lump in their throat.
“Fuck.” Luke put his fork down and tilted his head, looking up at the ceiling of the pergola above them. After a few seconds, he met Ash’s eyes again, where Ash noted a hint of sadness in Luke’s green eyes. “I hope we can do this.”
“Me too,” Ash said as they stroked their thumb along the back of Luke’s hand.
Luke shifted his gaze to where his hand was entwined with Ash’s. Suddenly, Ash realized what they were doing and looked again to make sure no one was around. Without any hesitation, Luke tightened his grip on Ash’s hand, sending a shock through Ash’s body at the pressure.
“I’m glad we met,” Luke said, shifting his gaze to meet Ash’s. A slow smirk spread across Luke’s lips. “And then met again.”
Ash let out a breathy laugh. They, too, were glad they had met Luke. And despite the difficulties of keeping their relationship under lock and key, they wanted to see where this could go. It was their first official date, and Ash felt like they knew Luke better than most partners they’d had. Never had they spoken of their cousin on a date. It wasn’t apretty topic to bring up. But, when grief settled close to their heart, sometimes all Ash wanted to do was talk about it.
“Can you be persuaded into some ice cream?” Ash asked.
Luke looked over at the ice cream stand. “I canalwaysbe persuaded into some ice cream.”
“What’s your favorite flavor?” Ash asked as they made their way to stand in line.
“Moosetracks,” Luke answered after a few minutes of consideration.
Ash smiled. “I knew you weren’t boring.”
Luke laughed. “What?”
“You can always tell someone’s personality by their favorite ice cream flavor. People who like boring flavors are boring people,” Ash said with a smile, glad their theory still held up.
“Well then, what’s yours?” Luke asked.
“Birthday Cake.” Ash laughed as Luke rolled his eyes.
Once they had their dessert and parked themselves on a bench, Ash licked their ice cream cone. Sometimes, they felt silly eating an ice cream cone as a grown adult, but there was nothing silly about the way Luke’s gaze landed on them. Like he wanted to devour them. Like watching Ash eat ice cream was simply the sexiest fucking thing.
“If you keep looking at me like that, we're going to have a problem,” Ash said with a smirk.
Luke ate a spoonful of his ice cream. “What would be the problem with that?”
