FUCKED.
GREY
What the fuck am I doing?
My hands shake as I open the door to my truck and climb in. For a second, I sit there in the quiet, in the dark, with my brain on fire and my cock painfully hard, no relief in sight. When I close my eyes, all I can see is her. Flashes of her spread thighs, the sounds she made ringing in my ears. The way she looked at me when she was scared. The trust in her eyes.
How she came undone in my hands.
The way she kissed me after.
With a groan, I start my truck and back out of the drive, trying to think about anything else. Hank Aaron never hit a baseball that I can recall. Math is too advanced for my tiny little brain. I can't hang onto anything else long enough to matter, my thoughts just slide back over to her. I can smell her on my clothes. The hand that touched her grips the steering wheel, and I stare at it for a second.
That wasn't a lesson. That was--
Fuck, what was that?
Selfish and stupid.
Rules? Please. Fucking bullshit if I ever heard it.
Because all this was an excuse to get close to her.
No, I really did want to help. I wanted to take care of her. There were rules--
Those rules weren't for her--they were foryou,asshole,because ofthis. And you've already fucked them. You're selfish to want her and too weak to stop.
That one, I can't argue.
She's twenty-four. Everyone is going to talk--hell they're already whispering. It was up tometo say no, to put boundaries in place, and now I'm…now I want…
Things I cannot have.
What would Grandma think? Would she be disappointed? Proud that I found somebody after all this time? Maybe that I'm taking advantage.
Am I?
It's too muddled up and murky to know anymore. Did she start this whole thing or did I? Do either of us have control? She doesn't. I should.
All I know is that it's going to end badly. Somebody's going to get hurt--probably her, definitely me. And if the town finds out the truth? They'll crucify us. Her parents will hate me. She'll figure out she can do better than me.
But how in the ever lovingfuckam I supposed to stop?
I want more.
I want to turn around and go back. Skip practice and crawl into her bed. Hear her say my name like that again, like I'm the only man in the world. Like I'm hers. I want to make her come over and over.
I want all the things I have no right to want.
There's no turning around. I have to be at practice, and I need time to think. Maybe some distance would help, if I can manage it. I don't fucking know.
But I've gotta figure something out before it's too late.
It's already too late, the voice in my head says as I pull into the lot and park.
I glance at myself in the rearview. Take a breath.
I can keep my distance. I can be professional. I can do this. Maybe I need more rules. I definitely need to obey the ones already in place. I just have to be stronger. Better.
