My eyes widen, but my focus is momentarily drawn to the glass of water that’s threatening to shatter in Luke’s white-knuckle grip.
“Wh-what do you mean? Why does anyone get married? I mean, well, besides you guys.” I fake chuckle as I pull the neck of my sweater down an inch. “Because I love him, of course.”
Luke stands abruptly.
“Where are you going?” Mateo asks.
“Quick walk.”
“But you left your coat on your chair,” Isa yells after him.
“Don’t need it,” he says as he steps into the frigid December air.
“What was that about?” I ask.
“Oh boy,” Isabella mumbles under her breath.
Nick simply shakes his head. “Daisy, I’m your brother and I love you, but level with me, please. Is Dad pressuring you in any way to get married to Damien?”
“No,” I say before he’s done asking the question. The look on his face tells me not to bullshit him, and I raise my arms slightly. “He’s, kind of… Well, you know Dad. He’s been stressed the last couple of years with his business. And having contracts stateside, with the government, would help immensely. The fact that Damien and I were already dating seemed to please him. And he seemed so damn thrilled when Damien proposed, even if it was a bit sooner than I expected, and—”
“Daisy, do you hear yourself? Our sorry excuse for a father is absolutely manipulating you.”
Luisa tries to intervene. “Daisy—”
“No, stop. I know what you think of me. What you all must think of me. That I’m some kind of idiot. Some weakling who can’t make choices for herself. But you’re wrong.” My eyes latch on to Nick’s with a force I’ve never set on him before. “And I’m sorry, brother, but you can’t possibly understand where I’m coming from. You had a decade with our mother. Our sweet, caring, and beautiful Mami. I never got that. I got a rotation of nannies and a father I would see twice a year at most. I onlyhave one parent left, and while I know he will never win any best dad awards, he’s all I’ve got.”
My heart threatens to crack down the middle, feeling so exposed.
“Oh, Daisy,” Luisa says softly, but I shake my head.
“Please don’t. The last thing I need is your pity. I’m a poor little rich girl who has daddy issues. There is nothing original or extraordinary about me. My job was a handout from my brother. I live in my fiancé’s apartment, which doubles as a storage unit for his accolades and is the place where he rests his head a handful of nights each month. My college degree, the one I’m not even using, was paid for by my absentee father.
“All I have that is truly mine are my choices. And as dumb as they may seem to all of you, they are still mine. And if I’m making a huge mistake, well, I guess that’s my mistake to own.”
“Daisy—”
“We don’t—”
“You shouldn’t—”
The chill at my back signals that Luke has returned and likely heard every word I said. I feel him at my side before he even speaks.
“You don’t love him, Daisy.” Luke’s words silence us all.
I cross my arms in defiance, but the harsh tone in my voice has all but disappeared. “How would you know? You won’t even RSVP for my wedding.”
He leans closer, hands resting on the top of his vacant chair. “You really want me there, D?”
I jut my chin out and nod after a few beats.
The chair creaks under his hands. “Then I’ll be there.” He grabs his coat and tears out of the restaurant.
The secret pathway of the thoughts I harbored in my heart, kept far from my brain, clears as I finally answer Luke honestly. “I—I think I loved the idea of what our lives could have beentogether. The bits and pieces he promised me along with the gaps I knew I’d have to fill. The same way I learned to do with my relationship with my father.” I release a deep breath. “I wanted a family. A husband and kids. To create the home I never had growing up. Knowing that even though he wasn’t the perfect man, I’d be able to experience motherhood and get to be the mom I wasn’t able to have. Offer children the warmth I wasn’t freely given, the safety in secure arms. The support I needed while I was alone at boarding school.” I shake my head. “But honestly, Luke. No. I don’t think I really loved him. And before you go off and judge me, it’s probably because I was struggling to love myself too, okay?”
I think back to that night a few months ago, when Luke flat-out told me in front of our friends that I didn’t love Damien. I was furious at him for the very first time in our friendship.
Because he was right. And I hated that of all people, he was the only person bold enough to say it to my face.
