“Hey, Rowe,” Xavi said, not even standing yet.
“Don’t mention it,” I said, shaking my head and hurrying off. I couldn’t stand there and listen to him thank me again. Firstly because I was late, and secondly because he didn’t really deserve it anyway.
Once again I told myself I wasn’t going to help him anymore. No matter how many times I helped him out, he was going to mess up again the next day. That was just what Xavier Mendez did. Add to that a mean tongue that often turned my way – as well as everyone else’s – and I was ready to be done with him.
Except I knew I had too much heart for that, and next time he was in trouble I was going to bail him out one more time, if I could. The kid had the foundation of what could have been a good soul. He just needed a bit of direction.
I snorted to myself as my cane tapped down on the concrete of the sidewalk, a different thud from the one made by the carpet. ‘The kid’. What was I saying? He was only two years younger than me. I’d seen his ID once when we were both at the bar during a company dinner.
Maybe I’d just had to grow up too fast, and that was why comparing the two of us wasn’t even fair.
But anyway, he was cute enough, and as far as I knew, we were in a very small minority of two at the whole company. He was a short guy, which was definitely my type, although I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Even if I wasn’t interested in dating him – and he definitely wasn’t interested in dating me, given the sheer number of guys he bragged about seeing on the weekend every Monday morning – we had something in common.
So, yes. I was going to bail him out again. And maybe one day when he said thank you, he was going to mean it.
“Rowe!”
Xavi’s voice behind me made my steps falter, and I sighed. What was I going to say? I couldn’t admit there was a reason I needed to rush away. I gritted my teeth and turned, looking over my shoulder at him. He was holding out a hand as he rushed towards me, and it was obvious he wanted me to stop.
I stopped with a sigh, planting my cane in front of myself and leaning on it, waiting to get this false apology or show of gratitude or whatever it was over with.
“You walk fast for a guy with only one good leg,” he panted.
I frowned at him.
“Alright, whatever,” he said, rolling his eyes breathlessly. “I guess I’m not supposed to point it out. Anyway, I wanted to say thank you for saving my ass again.”
“You thanked me earlier,” I said, waving a hand and making to turn away again. I had to get to my car. There was only going to be a two-minute margin of error as it was, and I couldn’t count on traffic to keep moving just because I needed it to.
“Seriously, Rowe,” Xavi said, stopping me again. I looked at him. There was something a bit more hesitant about him than usual. Like he was nervous. I’d watched Xavi nearly get fired eight times, and he had never been nervous before. He ran his hand back over his short dark hair, a gesture that all but confirmed the nerves I’d detected. “I just… why do you do it? Really? It can’t just be that you feel you owe me.”
I hesitated. Why did I do it? I tried to look inside myself to find an answer. I couldn’t be sure. I would have done the same for a lot of colleagues. For any cute gay guy who happened to work behind me, even one with an acid tongue. Just maybe not this many times.
Maybe there was something about Xavi. Something that allowed him to wrap people around his little finger. He was always getting away with murder at work. Whatever it was, I didn’t have time to analyze it now. “I don’t know,” I told him honestly. I shrugged. “Maybe I’m too good a person. I should probably stop.”
Xavi’s shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped to the tarmac. “Yeah,” he said. “You probably should.”
I didn’t have time for this. I needed to go. But… he looked so lost in that moment. I’d never seen him look that way before.
“Is something going on with you?” I asked in spite of myself. That was exactly the kind of question that could get me trapped here for more than the two – no, now one – minute I had to spare.
Xavi hesitated, every moment of it making me itch. I needed to go. I couldn’t see much chance of politely getting myself out of here. “Um,” he said. He looked up at me. “Just some stuff with my friends, that’s all.”
I nodded understanding. “Look, why don’t we talk about it at lunch tomorrow?” I suggested. An excellent plan. Even though I didn’t really want to sit down with him and talk about his friends – I had the feeling his problems were a lot more superficial than mine – at least it would give me the chance to run now. And it would be one more good deed to add to my tally, at least. “I’ve got to head off now, but I’d like to hear all about it.”
“Where are you going?” Xavi asked. There was a naked need in his face, something that told me he was just going to ask if he could come with me if I gave him anything less than an excuse that would block him. I couldn’t have him follow me to my other job. It was humiliating that I had to work another shift tonight. I didn’t want anyone to know. Taking someone there was a no-go in the first place, but Xavi? I had a feeling he could get me fired five minutes after walking through the door.
“To visit my sister,” I said. The lie came easily. It wasn’t even really a lie. I would go see her in the morning before coming back to the office, so in a way, that was where I was going. There were just a few extra stops first. “She’s in the hospital.” A hospital that continued to charge me the ironic fee of both an arm and a leg to save her life.
I could barely pay my own medical bills with one salary, so hers were a whole extra drain. Not that I resented shouldering the burden for her – I just wished we didn’t have to pay so much in the first place. It wasn’t Daisy who was the drain on my finances, it was the medical system, and the way it worked for people like us who had nothing to begin with.
It was the fact our parents had carried too much debt to help either of us out, the fact that I couldn’t finish college in order to get a better job because I had to drop out to pay for her, the fact that I wasn’t able-bodied enough to take on even more work or do something that might pay more. I never really resented or felt bad about my body – it was what it was – except for that. If I could have jointed the military, for example, I could have gotten better care for both of us.
But I couldn’t, and we were here, and this was what we needed to do to survive. For now. I had a plan – it was just going to take a long while to pull it off.
“I remember,” Xavi nodded. I was surprised. I didn’t think he’d ever really listened to me. But from the vagueness in that nod, I was willing to bet he didn’t remember why Daisy was in the hospital or how serious it was.
“Right,” I nodded at him smartly. My minute was up. I needed to be in my car, driving away. I couldn’t listen to him anymore, I couldn’t keep saving his rude ass, I couldn’t keep helping at work and risking my own job not being up to scratch –
