As I was driving home from practice, I was torn between going straight to his place or not. So when I saw his car, it was perfect. Because I decided I was going to talk to him about Ava. But when faced with doing it, I froze.
I needed to talk about this to someone. And he was my someone.
“Yeah, well, there is something I wanted to talk about.”
Another interruption.
“You guys order nachos?” some kid asked.
“Yeah,” we both said and cleared a space. We dug into them, each of us piling our chips high with meat, cheese, beans, guacamole, and sour cream.
“These are as good as I remember,” Ty mumbled, his mouth full of the hot cheesy goodness.
After sating my appetite momentarily, I sat back, ready to talk. Ty realized and put a hold on taking his next bite, instead cleaning his hands with his napkin.
“Everything going OK with your recovery, Logan?”
This wasn’t directly related to my alcoholism, but my recovery was in jeopardy if I didn’t get my emotions in check, I knew that. That was why starting on the journey of a relationship wasn’t recommended.
“Not exactly, but I haven’t had a drink if that’s what you mean,” I told him.
I saw the tension release in him as he slumped against the back of the booth. It hadn’t occurred to me he and Becca may have thought that with everything going on I could have relapsed.
“I, well, so…” I was at a loss for words. “Ava and I were kind of in a relationship, a secret one, up until last night.”
Ty blinked several times as he tried processing what I said.
“Wait, what?” He sat motionless at first, but then his head shook back and forth repeatedly. “No, no, that can’t be, dude. You guys, like, hate each other. Don’t you?”
My barking laugh startled both of us.
“Yep, we did. And then we didn’t, and I think she does again,” I told him. “It’s confusing and messed up. Bottom line, it’s messing with me because what we had while we had it was good. And to be honest, it seemed to be helping me with all my shit going on. My head was quiet when I was with her, all the chaos was calm when I spent time with her for some reason.”
He sat back, staring and thinking.
“So why is it over?” he asked.
“Good question. She thinks she wasn’t good for my ‘recovery journey.’ Mainly because of what happened this weekend at the party, and me getting into the fight because of her. She blames herself, I guess.” I flung myself against the cracked leather of the bench, getting angrier as I explained it all to Ty. “Personally, I think she doesn’t want to be with me because of what I did last year.”
Ty’s head snapped up at my words.
“Think about it, she ends what we had, which was going great, the weekend this asshole almost fucking rapes her.”
Saying that out loud has my fists clenching at my sides. I shove my plate away from me as the anger surges through my body. The people at nearby tables glance our way, and I realize I need to calm the hell down.
“OK, man, maybe you just need to talk to her, talk it through,” Ty suggested.
In any normal situation, that would be good advice.
But Ava and I weren’t in a normal situation for several reasons.
“I think that ship has sailed, man.” I went back to our nachos, and Ty seemed happy to do the same.
“I think Becca would be the better person to talk to than me, she would know the right thing to say,” Ty offered. I knew he wasn’t looking forward to being an advice guru.
And he was right.
“Yeah, but Ava has this thing about them not knowing, that as roommates we can’t be together, so me talking to Becca is out of the question. So do me a favor and keep your mouth shut.”
