Sitting up, I hoped my pursed lips sent my message.
“What are you talking about, Logan? Without you, I…well, I can’t even think about what might have happened.”
He remained with his head on my pillow, those blue eyes of his darkening as if taken over by storm clouds.
“Am I right in assuming you went to Lanie asking her to press charges against you?”
He could only answer me with a small nod.
“And I’m also going to go out on a limb and assume she said no.”
At that, all he did was cover his face with his hand.
“Logan, can’t you see that it’s me who’s destroying you?” He started to sit up, but I pushed him back, keeping him on my pillow. “Last night didn’t need to happen…”
“Ava, you are not responsible for what he did to you.” The anger in his voice took me by surprise.
“I know.” Those words came out harsher than I wanted them to. I needed to tread carefully with him. “I’m not some meek female who would think what he did is OK. I know he was wrong, nothing I did provoked him. But that’s not what I mean. If I hadn’t rushed away from you in my stupid rage, right into that asshole’s arms, it wouldn’t have happened. And if I hadn’t put the parameters of keeping us a secret, none of this would have happened.”
I flung my entire body against the wall behind me. The amount of anger I had for myself was mounting, and I was struggling to keep it in.
“Logan,” I started. But my words got caught in my throat. “I don’t want to be the one who derails you or your life. You’re doing so well, you were anyway. Until I showed up, until we started whatever it is we have. I just don’t know if we should keep doing this, I don’t know if it’s good for your recovery.”
The tiny shake of his shoulders crushed me. The quiet sobs that followed had me lying next to him, holding him in my arms.
We cried together.
We cried for what we had and what we were about to lose.
We cried each other to sleep.
In the morning,I wasn’t surprised to find myself alone in my bed. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say it didn’t suck.
Yes, it was my idea.
Yes, I felt it was the right thing to do, especially for him.
Did I have a tiny pang of disappointment, maybe even grief, that he walked away from us so easily? Without a fight? Yes.
Yet, if he had fought me on it, what good would it have done? He knew me. He knew I’d stand my ground.
I fear he knew me too well and thatTinkwould show up to that fight.
But it didn’t hurt any less.
Here we were, Monday morning, and we had Marketing together.
My body moved at a snail’s pace as I got ready. The sun streamed through those damn blinds again. On any other day I’d have been happy to see it, but today it didn’t lift my mood. At least the forecast was for warmer weather, so no bundling up was necessary, which was a nice change.
I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Would we drive to campus together like we’d been doing? No one knew we “broke up” so it would make sense to me to keep things looking normal.
But I wasn’t Logan.
Sure enough, by the time I got downstairs, he had already left.
“Mace, you heading to campus anytime soon?”
She was still in her jammies, so I think I had my answer.
