And then it got awkward. We were in this party-type setting with all of us together, everyone eventually laughing and being jovial. But it didn’t sit right with me.
Lanie and Becca started making plans for us to all get together again when things settled down. Ty, Xander, and Logan were talking about going to the gym. I could tell Logan was still stressed, but for fuck’s sake, what the hell was going on? They were acting like life was normal, like this was normal.
What the fuck was normal about any of this?
It wouldn’t do anyone any good for me to make a scene with my typical attitude, so instead I sat in a quiet corner and was…quiet. I couldn’t bring myself to be a part of the bullshit conversations they were all having.
Even though I could guess why he’d come to see Lanie, there was no discussion as to what they talked about. Though Logan seemed much better than when he left the house.
Logan caught my eye from across the room as he spoke to Ty, his look lingering. There was so much that he and I needed to talk about, to say to one another.
Logan broke away from the guys and made his way to my side of the room. Sitting next to me, he nudged my knee with his.
“Are you OK?” he asked.
There was no good way to answer that at the moment, so I decided to remain silent and simply shrugged.
“I didn’t mean to make all of this about me, ya know?” he said.
My head snapped toward him at his words.
“What do you mean?” I asked. But as soon as I did, the crowd around us erupted in laughter, interrupting our conversation. “I should be asking if you’re OK.”
Logan stood and reached his hand out for me.
“Hey guys,” he said, turning to the group. “I’m gonna get Ava home. The past twenty-four hours have been a lot for her.”
Immediately, all three girls came to my side saying their goodbyes and giving me well wishes. They thanked Logan for taking such good care of me. Both Ty and Xander gave me a hug.
They were all such good people.
Logan was surrounded by good people.
If Logan and I had remained friends, I could have been one of those people for him. But instead, we fucked.
Well, it was a little more than that.
We let our feelings get in the way.
And I knew that either on this ride home, or when we got there, I was probably going to shatter his heart.
I didn’t shatterhis heart on the drive home. It didn’t happen because I didn’t talk on the way home. I remained quiet, but Logan didn’t push me. It was one of those comfortable quiets we often have. But as we pulled up to the townhouse, he broke the silence.
“So, I don’t think it would raise any flags if I were in your room with you when they get back. I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”
How in the hell was I going to do this? I didn’t want to. He was turning out to be exactly what my heart and head wanted and needed.
ButIwasn’t whatheneeded.
And I had to think about him.
“Yeah, sure, I think that’s good,” I told him.
We entered the house, the dark rooms as bleak as I was feeling. Logan didn’t bother with any lights on the first floor as we made our way directly upstairs. My sluggish advance on the steps mirrored his, our mood indeed different from those we just left.
I stripped myself of my coat and shoes while I walked toward my bed, the clothing abandoned on the floor along the way. As I curled myself into a tight ball against the wall, Logan joined me and covered us with a blanket.
“I know this has been a terrible time, and I’m sure I haven’t made it much easier for you,” he said.
