I hadn’t thought that far ahead. There were so many other things to deal with in the meantime, but that would be something to look forward to.
“Yeah, that’ll be great. Will there be an email?”
“Ashton sends them out the day before, look out for it.”
Carter slapped me on the back before he closed the door behind me.
Once back in my truck, something Carter said didn’t sit well with me. It had my heart pounding fast.
“There were some rumors about him, and now they were confirmed.”
Fuck. There were easily rumors about me around this campus as well. The team could do the same to me one day if they heard about my situation with Lanie last year.
I pounded my hand against my steering wheel repeatedly, the anger at myself bubbling over.
Why the fuck did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t I control myself last year? It only added to the self-loathing I was already feeling.
It was going to come back and haunt me forever, I knew it.
CHAPTER 26
Ava
As I stood alone at my window, watching and waiting, my anxiety rose the longer he took to get home. When he came to me earlier in the day, I refused to open up to him. I didn’t want him to share in the pain I endured. He had so much to deal with in his own life. But knowing he took off, either out of anger or concern, destroyed me.
He’d been gone for hours, and I knew Becca was concerned and looking for him as well. I was about to lower the blind when I saw his truck come around the bend of the lot. He pulled into his favorite spot; it was as if everyone knew he needed to park in front of that damn frog. He turned off his truck but remained in it. He sat there for a few minutes, but eventually the driver’s door opened, and his familiar large frame slowly got out. After he closed the door, he stood motionless for a minute, staring up at the sky.
As if he sensed me, his head spun and found me. His eyes connected with mine, and even from this distance, I saw the puffiness around them. His shoulders slumped as he leaned against his truck, defeat in his stance.
Finally, I heard the front door slam shut.
“Oh my god, where the hell have you been, you asshole,” Becca said sternly as Logan came inside. “I was about to send out the cavalry.”
It was hard to tell how serious she was from up here. Theirs was a curious relationship. As I stood at the top of the stairs, my feet froze and kept me from taking the first step.
“Where are you going?”
Becca’s voice was incredulous, almost angry at him.
“I’m going upstairs, if that’s alright with you?”
There was no response from her, only silence from the first floor. I hurried back to my room and closed the door so he wouldn’t know I’d been eavesdropping on the interaction. His footsteps were slow on the stairs and as he walked past my room to his. I heard the quiet click of his door closing and locking, and then utter silence in the house.
Not a sound.
I could go downstairs and check in with Becca and Macie, but to be honest, I had no interest in talking to them.
The silence was welcome at the moment. Although I knew I should go to him, talk to him, tell him how I felt about our situation, it still wasn’t the right time. He was still reeling from last night, almost as much as me, it seemed.
How did we get to this point?
Things were better when we supposedly hated one another. We never should have given in to our desires that snowy weekend. Our lack of discipline has led to his life crumbling before our eyes.
I climbed back into bed, ready to spend the next week there if I could. My TV was on, the volume low, but I couldn’t focus enough to follow the plot of the movie playing. Turning instead to my ereader, I opened it to my most recent read. A good book was always a great escape. However, as I reread the same sentence over and over, I realized that was not working, either.
Throwing it aside, I curled up and simply decided to try to sleep.
“Ava?” A quiet knock followed the sound of my name.
