She grasped a sixth, tears streaming down her face, the pill in front of her blurry. One more for what an utterdisgraceshe was—
“What the hell happened here?” Elyssa shouted behind her, startling her. Amira turned her head, the pouch and pill still in her shaking hand. Elyssa’s eyes widened as she took in Amira’s state. “Fuck.” In two long steps, Elyssa was next to her and snatched the pouch and pill away from her.
Kneeling next to her, she took Amira’s trembling hands. Her touch felt strange, like she wasn’t really holding her hand. Amira was floating as if her body no longer belonged to her. It was unsettling, not as she was used to. Her breathing became shallow.
What was the point of breathing? Would it be better if she just floated away?
“Amira, are you okay?” Elyssa’s voice sounded far away. Amira could hardly hear her, her eyes too heavy to stay open. Why fight it? Whytrywhen all she did was fail?
“One more, I just…I just need one more.” Amira didn’t even recognise her own voice as she tried to reach for the pouch.
“It’s okay,” Elyssa gently said, a desperate edge to her voice. She pulled Amira up, and Amira’s bones felt as if they were all broken. Hissing in pain, she let Elyssa lead her to her now unmade bed.
“Goddamn, fortae is a nasty addiction,” Elyssa said, her words meshing together in Amira’s mind.
“I’m not an…addict,” Amira replied, but her blurry eyes finally took in the state of the room: clothes lying everywhere, drawers turned over, dark stains on the carpet. That was the work of an addict desperate for her next fix, wasn’t it?
Amira put her head on Elyssa’s shoulder. “Maybe I am.” Her voice was almost a whisper as she choked on a fresh wave of tears. Her whole body was floating in nothingness. Her mind seemed to escape her. Elyssa put a comforting arm around Amira’s shoulder. Skin burning up, her breaths came in fast, but she felt as if she wasn’t breathing at all.
A strange noise pulled Amira back to herself. She turned her head, so heavy, to the door as she tried to cling to the present even as fortae tore her apart from the inside.
Tarnan was standing in the doorway. He took in the scene, unmoving. His gaze was fixed on the red substance staining the floor. “My fears were right, it’s thiscurseddrug.”
Amira distantly knew she should make up an excuse, but her mind was like water, running away from her in waves.
Tarnan’s eyes focused on Elyssa, who defiantly held his gaze. “You know I disapprove of such depraved habits.” His voice was nothing more than a faint whisper in Amira’s mind. Was he even real? Was she dreaming? He walked up to Elyssa and looked into her eyes. Elyssa didn’t flinch back.
That was it. This was reality. Elyssa had no way of hiding her true nature. Amira opened her mouth, ready to defend the human she had grown to like, but her voice wouldn’t follow her command. Everything around her was out of focus—shefelt out of focus. Amira squeezed her eyes shut so tight she saw stars, throwing her even more out of balance before she forced them open again.
“I’m helping her quit,” Elyssa argued. Tarnan was towering over Elyssa, yet she stayed perfectly calm. Slowly, she reached into her pocket while keeping Amira from falling off the bed as her body failed to keep upright.
“Why on Liraen were you making a drug that uses the blood of your kind?” Tarnan asked.
Amira gasped, the movement causing her great pain. What did he mean by blood? Was that what was covering the floor? She thought fortae was made with a mix of herbs. Was she hallucinating?
“I gotta earn some silver somehow,” Elyssa bit out as if that explained everything. “At least this way, I’m in control.” She seemed so self-assured, so unbothered by the fact that she was using her own blood to make this damned pill.
Tarnan put an appeasing hand on Elyssa’s shoulder, and she tensed. “I’ll make sure you’ll get enough silver if you keep your promise to help Amira get clean.” He turned to Amira. “Addiction is a serious issue. Fortae and alcohol are not the same. I wish you’d told me the truth. I could have helped you sooner.”
Amira could barely hear him. She couldn’t shake the horror of Tarnan’s words.
She had used Elyssa’s blood, taking her life force away. That was something a monster would do. She was no better than Karwyn. Now she understood Elyssa’s rage towards Rahmur. He must have been making fortae by capturing humans.
Bile rose in her throat as her head spun, pain radiating through her temple. Amira put a hand to her forehead, hitting herself, but the pain was not enough.Never enough.
She pulled at her disheveled hair. Amira could feel hands trying to stop her, but she needed this, needed to focus her pain. It was all too much. Her head was pounding, her heart breaking,shattering.
How could she have ever thought that she was a good person? Why did she keep hurting others when the only person she should hurt was herself?Was it really her powers that made her evil, or was itherself?
“I’m sorry,” Amira pleaded with Elyssa, tears staining her cheeks. She let go of her hair; she couldn’t feel her own body anymore. Staring at her, a sympathetic light flickered in Elyssa’s gaze. She didn’t deserve Elyssa’s help. She didn’t deserve anything.
The whole room turned around her. Her body seemed to drift off, waves of pain carrying her away. Elyssa’s golden eyes with a touch of hazel were imprinted in Amira’s mind as she collapsed, and then she felt nothing at all.
Chapter33
Elyssa
It was late when Amira finally stirred. Elyssa had been watching her all night, afraid the princess might stop breathing any second. She had overdosed. Elyssa was unsure how many damn pills Amira had taken before she had found her. The look on Amira’s face still haunted her. Such deep anguish in her teary gaze, a pill in her trembling hand. Tarnan’s healer had looked her over and said she would be all right, but it could have ended differently.
