“Sí,” she answered.“And I love you,con todo mi ser.”
Peter blinked, his brow scrunching as he worked to translate.“With all my being...or perhaps, with all that I am?”
Ana laughed.“How yourEspañolis improving, my love!”Then she secured his face with her hands and pressed a long, lingering kiss against his forehead.A promise in the form of abeso.“Te amo para siempre, mi vida.”
Chapter 40
August 31, 1814, Abbeygate, Surrey Hills, England
The past month had brought about more transformations and miracles than Peter had ever imagined possible, and it was largely in thanks to his wife.Firstly, the closeness that they now enjoyed was nothing short of heavenly.Ana had finally convinced him that she was ready to share herself completely with him, after reassuring him that she was completely recovered from childbirth.Their trust was healed, and their marriage was true and whole in every sense of the word.Peter doubted he would ever be able to sleep apart from his wife again.The one-year anniversary of their marriage was fast approaching, and they were finally free to show each other how completely and deeply besotted they were with one another.
After recovering from her rather exuberant relief that he had sold his commission, Ana had quickly occupied herself with the business of ensuring the happiness of their future.She had started by busying herself with Peter’s career prospects.Together they had dug through his old schoolbooks from his time at Cambridge, and his interest in law had been reignited.There were too many injustices dealt to low-ranking soldiers, particularly after their time of service was concluded, and perhaps as a barrister, Peter could do something about it.With Mother’s connections and Matthew’s influence, Peter found himself somewhat nervously anticipating the approaching commencement of his education on justice and law in the Inns of Court.He would be interacting with solicitors and barristers, true, but also with his fellow students, and he would likely be at least four years their senior.When Peter had left university to enlist in the army, he had never imagined that he would ever be returning to the studious life, much less with a wife and child in tow.
Ana had also urged him to repair his relationship with Matthew.The circumstances of their marriage and Esperanza’s birth had helped him grow closer to his mother than he had ever felt before.It had healed the strain that his years in the service of the Crown had placed upon their relationship.But still, there was a distinct distance—a feeling of cautious formality—between him and Matthew.And there was something he ought to do about it.So he had sent a missive to his brother, and upon receiving a reply, he went to visit him at Heathridge.
Matthew had always carried the weight of his many responsibilities as if they were a natural part of his frame.There was no curving of his shoulders under the burden of his role as earl, no permanent wrinkle at his brow and mouth due to his obvious concern for his mother.Somehow he had handled the difficulties of their lives much more easily and gracefully than Peter had ever been able to manage himself.But when Peter stepped into his brother’s study that afternoon, he saw a different man entirely.
The room itself was much changed since Father’s time there.The many crystal-housed liquors that had once crowded the desk’s corner were cleared away entirely.The constant, suffocating smell of cigar smoke was cleared too—a practice that was frowned upon by Mother, not that Father had given any mind to her.Even the clutter of disorganized estate papers was replaced with several orderly books, stacked neatly, although their pages were visibly well-worn.
But Matthew had seemed to change even more than his surroundings.Instead of having perfect posture, every tall line bleeding confidence, which was the view of Matthew that Peter was accustomed to seeing, he was relaxed.He had one leg crossed over the other, and he was reclined in his seat, his head resting low on the seat’s back.And while he was visibly relaxed, there was a rare line of true, deep concern across his forehead.
“Brother, come in,” Matthew said, waving his hand as a small smile graced his face.
A moment later, he seemed to find the strength—or motivation—to rise from his chair and gave Peter a hearty, lingering embrace.That sort of touch from a man who looked and sounded so much like Father very nearly caused Peter’s legs to tremble.But he clenched his jaw and snapped his feet together into a military pose to prevent the release of emotion.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” Peter said, fighting through the waver in his voice.
“Indeed.I am a husband now as well.Mother has successfully seen both of her boys happily married,” Matthew chuckled.
“Although she had little to do with my particular arrangement.”
“That is not the way I understand it,” Matthew said with a knowing glance.“I believe she has done a great deal to support your marriage to Ana throughout this past year.Perhaps in more ways than you know.She has done the same for Isabelle and me.Our own path to marriage has not been as simple as it might appear.But Mother would not rest until we were happily settled.”
“I daresay you are correct.”Peter nodded.“She is the best of mothers.”His heart swelled with gratitude for Mother’s attentive compassion.How fortunate they all were to be recipients of her care.
After seeing that Peter was seated comfortably with a glass of cold lemonade in his hand, Matthew leaned forward, wasting no time.“Now, there was something you wished to discuss?”
Peter tilted his head back and forth in an effort to release the tension trapped in his neck.
“Yes.Ana has urged me to see...that is, I wished for quite some time to...”He shook his head, breathing out an exasperated sigh.“I am not made for these sorts of conversations, it would seem.”
“Our wives do a great deal to help us, do they not?”Matthew replied, chuckling.“But I’m afraid you’ll need to have out with it yourself, my good man.”
Peter rubbed a hand across his neck and squeezed his eyes shut, the words “I am sorry” finally exploding from his mouth in a raw, pain-filled whisper.
The silence that flooded the room after those three words was something Peter had not expected.Truthfully, he had not known what to expect.Would Matthew laugh like when they were young boys and attest that their misunderstandings had been but a small folly?Or did he have some small part of Father in him, and would he rage at Peter, telling him the truth of how wrong he had been to depart when and how he had?
Instead, the silence endured.Finally, Peter cracked an eye open and saw tears rolling down Matthew’s face, his expression entirely unabashed.
“Not as sorry as I am,” Matthew answered.“No child ought to endure what you and I did.I understand that now more than ever as a husband and a brother by marriage to two young children.”
“And I do as well, as a father.”
“Yes, of course.”
Peter wanted to linger in that moment of understanding and companionship, but there was another issue pulling at his mind and heart.
“I also wish to apologize for the years of my absence,” Peter blurted.“It was inexcusable to leave as I did.I had hardly returned from the distraction that was my university studies and, almost immediately, was off again.”
