“Mother mourned your departure,” Matthew said with a nod.“As did I.But nineteen was not an unheard-of age to be seeking your own future, much less in the army.It was an honorable enlistment.”
“Not so honorable if you consider that I was running away from home to avoid killing my own father,” Peter muttered.“I could not endure him any longer.”
A sad sort of smile crossed Matthew’s face.
“We could only protect Mother for so long, you and I.And what pained her more than the mottled bruises and scrapes that braceleted her arms was seeing you and me in harm’s way—inhisway.So even though your departure was unexpected and difficult, to be sure, I think in some unexpected way, it was a great relief for her.She knew that if you were on the other side of the sea, he could not get to you.”
Peter blinked hard at the tears that formed at the image of his mother, willing to send her son into enemy territory to get him away from her husband.“She is the bravest of mothers,” he managed.
“Indeed, she is,” Matthew said.“And you must know that neither she nor I harbor any ill will against you for leaving.We only wish that you had written more.But now having you back fills that hole that we both have felt for years now.”
“And back for good,” Peter said.“I have sold my commission.”
“Truly?”Matthew’s eyes were wide, his jaw slack in surprise.
Peter nodded in response, then rose from his chair to receive the bear hug brought on by Matthew’s relief and excitement.Once they managed to rein in their emotions somewhat, Peter turned his focus back to his brother.
“Now your happy life at home can begin in earnest,” Matthew said.But what had caused that line of concern to appear in his forehead after all these years?
“I trust that your life at home remains equally happy?”Peter asked.
“Yes, but it is not without sorrow.Isabelle is concerned for her mother, who has fallen ill again.I’m doing all I can to comfort her and her siblings,” Matthew said.
The last memory of regret softened as Peter saw how Matthew’s concern for his new family encompassed him completely.He was trying to care for them and protect them, much as he had always tried to do for Peter, even when Peter had wished that he could be the protector himself.
“You are a good husband and brother.You will be an even better father, I believe.”
“I aspire to be one as caring and attentive as you are.”
After sharing so much raw emotion, the brothers inevitably dropped into a more casual, lighthearted conversation about hunting, horse racing, and Sir David’s prospects, but not before Matthew could bestow upon Peter the official stewardship of Abbeygate.The property was still the Ashmore country seat, but Matthew found himself quite wrapped up in his duties in London and his responsibilities to his new family and had no intention to use it in the future.He desired for Peter exactly what Peter had longed for himself for so many years: a place that was truly home.And now that he would never return to war, Peter had his entire life ahead of him to ensure that Abbeygate became such, even more than it already had.
* * *
The age of three months was perfect, Peter had decided.But he could not deny that every new ability Essie discovered about herself proved to be more exciting than the last.First, the slow, uncontrolled squirming of her arms and legs had adorably fascinated her.And then she had discovered her voice, a voice that was just as musical and enrapturing in its nature as her mother’s.Even her squalls of protest were beautiful.She had started to lift her head about and even offered him soft, pink smiles that were surprisingly wet.Every bit of her was enchanting, down to her round fingers and the adorable roll of fat about her ankles and wrists.Best of all, she had her mother’s eyes.Peter would never be able to deny her anything if she knew the power of their depths.
Perhaps every age of hers would be his favorite.Peter had never imagined himself so enamored by such a tiny person, particularly one who likely didn’t even recognize him yet.
“Amor?”
“Sí?”
“I believe Esperanza has hunger.”
Peter looked down, surprised to see the babe sucking hungrily at his thumb.So lost in reflection he had been, he hadn’t even felt it.Or perhaps he was already so accustomed to her new habit.
“Right you are, my dear.”Peter crossed the nursery and carefully handed the babe to Ana, who unbuttoned a clever flap on her dress.Within a moment, Essie was attached to her mother and sucking surprisingly violently.
Peter chuckled.“If only we could all dine so quickly and conveniently.”
“Convenient for her, perhaps,” Ana said with a chuckle.But there was no bitterness or even exhaustion in her voice—only adoration as she brushed the jiggling cheek of their daughter with a gentle finger.
Peter had experienced many transformations in recent days, but he had also seen a great transformation in his wife.Letting go of the fear of abandonment she had carried for so many years had healed her in a way that was strangely visible.Her beautiful face was trusting and open now, her posture relaxed, and her smile genuine and full.Having confidence in her future, even in their love, had made Ana even more beautiful and compassionate than she had ever been before.And Peter found he could hardly resist her.They spent every available moment together walking the grounds, visiting the village, learning Spanish, attending church services, and marveling over the beauty of their growing daughter.And Peter had made a habit of kissing his wife with nearly every breath.The passion of their marriage had returned as all-encompassing and refreshing as a summer rainstorm.He had never dreamed that such a relationship could bring him the wholeness he had always longed for.It was a holy thing to love his wife.It was worship.
Ana still endured moments of fear when panic seized her by the shoulders and froze her mind momentarily, but Peter had been learning how to help her in such moments.Pulling her into a gentle, enduring embrace and reminding her of her present reality often seemed to do the trick, although he was trying to become better at listening to her concerns before offering up a solution, as well-thought-out as it might be.
One of the most important lessons he had begun to understand was that small failures and mistakes were not permanent.Not in his studies, nor in his efforts to care for Abbeygate.And most importantly, not in his relationships with his wife and daughter.He was not perfect by any means and was often less patient or compassionate than he should be.But that did not deem him a failure or dictate that he needed to run away again.Instead, it was merely a reminder that while his love for his wife and daughter was deep, true, and enduring, it still required effort.And when needed, they helped each other make adjustments for the benefit of their family.
“Amor, I do believe you are forgetting something,” Ana called from her chair in the corner.“Por quétodayes tan importante?”
