In reality, Peter didn’t know if it—or anything—would ever feel enough to redeem him from the weight of it all.Yes, he was eternally grateful to God that he had stumbled upon her and managed to get her out of Spain.Every day, he woke in a panic after seeing her bloodied face and hearing her pained cry in her dreams.If it had been one of his men to touch her, he would have killed the man himself.And if Peter felt so strongly, how must the fathers and husbands feel who had seen their wives and daughters suffer in the most horrifying of ways?Thatwas the weight that threatened to crush him each day.They had left behind so many shattered souls and broken families, and the British army had no intentions of taking any sort of responsibility for it.Fury burned through him at the injustice.The beautiful woman at his side was a constant reminder of the undeserving cruelty so many had suffered at the hands of British soldiers.It was not right.And Peter felt an insatiable urge to fight back against the injustice, just as he had desired to fight back against his father.
But how could he do so without putting their future at risk?
“I try very much to discover how to live a life of faith, not a life of fear,” Ana said.“I havemuchas problemasstill and much to change.But I want to believe God will bless us to have a life of faith, as it say inla Biblia...‘Porque no nos ha dado Dios espíritu de cobardía, sino de poder, de amor, y de dominio propio.’”
“Ah, yes, Second Timothy, is it not?”Peter repeated in English, “‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.’”
Peter did not have a large Spanish vocabulary, but he had memorized some Bible verses during his time in Spain, as there had only been a Spanish pastor in camp.And this was one that he knew by heart.How often the words had flowed through his mind as his body was tensing against enemy fire, or as his mind was fighting an onslaught of dangerous memories.It had brought him peace, even if he hadn’t understood it completely.
“Precisamente.We need to have the faith in God to find this spirit.The spirit of power and love.And that will bring us the peace of a mind...how you say?”
“A sound mind.”
“Yes, a sound mind.I know God promises this to us.”
Slowly, the tension that pinned Peter’s shoulders upward started to melt away.
“If I might speak candidly, I do not understand many things of God.But I have a great desire to understand.I want to be healed by this faith and power, as you say.”
“I want this too.”Tears glazed Ana’s eyes, and Peter glimpsed the pain that was still very real there.She needed healing as much as he did, and he could not forget it.God would have to mend her heart and protect her in ways that Peter would never be able to.They would seek Him together.
“I am grateful to have such a wise and faithful wife at my side.Gracias, Ana.”
Ana’s hand slid down his arm until her fingers laced through his.He squeezed her hand and pulled her closer to his side.He was truly most fortunate to be married to such a woman.
Chapter 8
November 14, 1813, Abbeygate, Surrey Hills, England
November 8, 1813—The House of Lords
Notations from Matthew Ashmore, Earl of Heathridge Hall
A politician named Bathurst came to the House of Lords today to present on recent issues that occurred in a certain city in Spain named San Sebastián.Apparently, the British army was accused of robbing churches in the area, which was certainly true of the French, according to their reports.But Bathurst claims that the only charge that the British should be guilty of is saving French lives—nearly 600 of them—even after the danger of the siege and some burnings that occurred in the city.He reiterated his trust in British leaders, including Wellington and a General Sir Thomas Graham, and finished with a speech of optimism about the successful crossing at a place called Bidassoa.Wellington was lauded, and Graham was given thanks for his efforts.
I admittedly do not understand a great deal of what occurred here.Peter would, of course.But it does seem as though they have not presented us with the whole and entire truth today.Perhaps Peter and David would like to know.
Matthew
Peter placed Matthew’s notes down on his desk, sighed, and rubbed a hand across his forehead.It was infuriating, to say the least, to discover how the disgusting tragedy of San Sebastián was being completely and entirely swept under the rug.Once again, anger and guilt married in Peter’s heart as he wished for some ally in testifying about the truth of what occurred there.An ally that was not his wife, who would be placed in danger, at very least of the social sort, if the truth of her attack and subsequent condition were ever revealed.Surely he was not the only soldier who had seen the horrors of that night and wished he could have saved even one more soul from suffering.
Yearning for a break from the weightiness of Matthew’s notes and the thoughts that accompanied them, he reached for the larger piece of feminine stationery that he had already read through numerous times.
Dear Peter,
On November 8, Matthew attended a session in the House of Lords and heard some reports on the battles in Spain that he thought might prove interesting to you.I’ve enclosed his notes, written to you, on the matter.
My dear boy, I am sorry I do not bear more uplifting news, but I knew that you would want to know of it.But I must tell you that it brought me so much joy to see you again.I hoped for that day for many years, and never dreamed that not only would I see you but would also be witness to your wedding to such a beautiful and kind woman.I pray that you are well and that Ana is enjoying our beautiful Abbeygate.Do write and tell me how you are faring.I hope to see you again soon.
I love you, dear.
Mother
Peter’s heart constricted and he rubbed at the spot as he reread those last five words over and over.Is this how his correspondence with Mother might have been if he had chosen to maintain any sort of consistency in his letter-writing with her throughout his years of service?How often had she waited for his letters with an anxious, aching heart only to receive silence?
Peter reached for a length of paper and a fresh quill.He had best start making up for lost time—and letters—now.
“Mr.Ashmore?”
