‘I can’t,’ I whispered, feeling him tense against me. ‘That’s what I’m trying to say. My flight’s at nine thirty.’
‘Tonight?’ His voice suddenly broke, the strength he’d held for us both failing.
I nodded, pulling back as I wiped my face again. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. I’d never hated myself more than in this moment, watching his shock register, pain gathering in every corner of his face. ‘I never meant for this . . .’
‘Please don’t walk away,’ he begged. ‘We’ll find a way. Fuck it, I’ll come with you to London. I just – I can’t be without you.’
I felt it then, the first fracture. I had to go. This could only get worse. Guilt, shame, love . . . all roiling together in a nauseating swirl.
‘I think I should go,’ I said, stepping back. ‘Just promise me you won’t ride tonight, not like this.’
From the corner of my eye, I saw Cole watching us. I knew he’d be there for Jesse, would stop him from riding. I glanced at him, gesturing to Jesse.
‘Oh, fuck . . . Hestia, no, please.’
Almost doubled over, as though punched in the stomach, he reached for me as I shook my head.
I glanced to Cole, his eyes widening at my silent signal and marching over, his stare fixed on Jesse. So, with what little strength I had left, barely able to see through the tears, I turned and walked away.
CHAPTER17
JESSE
I could hear myself gasping, but somehow I couldn’t breathe.
She was walking away. The woman I loved was walking away from me.
‘Hestia,’ I yelled, the sound swallowed by the crowds, the PA system announcing the results of the roping and the upcoming bull riding. My voice was hoarse, breaking as I straightened up, roughly swiping at my face to wipe away the tears.
We had to talk. I had to make her understand, make her see that I wanted her,needed her, any fraction of her she was willing to give. I didn’t care if she didn’t feel whole right now, because I’d help her, support and love and give everything to her, until she realized just how incredible she was.
I half choked, half yelled her name again as I started to walk forward, her red hair still visible in a sea of denim, black and brown. Determined, I’d buy a seat on the plane, fuck the cost, fuck everything else. We’d talk until we could kiss again, until she could feel how right it was that I loved her . . . and maybe, one day, when she was able, maybe she’d feel the same way.
‘Jesse, stop. Let her go.’
Cole’s voice arrived at the same time as his hand on my arm, bracing himself as I turned to him, shaking it off.
‘I can’t, just let me—’ I began, side-stepping him, cursing my chaps and the way they slowed me down, restricting my movement.
‘No,’ he reiterated, striding in front of me, blocking my path with his body, blocking my line of sight to her. ‘Just let her leave.’
‘Get outta the fucking way,’ I growled, knowing full well what this would mean if he didn’t move. ‘I need to talk to her, just let me—’
Some of the people around us had paused, seeing the two of us square up.
‘Jesse? Where’s –’ Clara barrelled into me, eyes wide, frowning at the way we’d positioned ourselves. ‘The fuck is going on?’
‘Hestia left,’ Cole murmured, his eyes still fixed on me, unblinking. ‘But Jesse wants to go after her, even though it’s not gonna end well.’
With every second I knew my chance of stopping her was fading. A huge surge of grief buried low was rising up and up, threatening to drown me.
‘Fuck this,’ I snapped, taking off my hat and throwing it down. ‘So help me, Cole, get the fuck out of my way before I lose my shit and end up doing something I’ll regret.’
I could hear Clara trying to talk me down, other voices in the background behind her, but all I could see were the tears streaming down Hestia’s face, feel the way she’d clung to me. My chest was cracking, rending everything inside. The pain was suffocating.
Oh God, Hestia, I need you.
Cole’s body was still, unyielding even as I stepped up to him and drew my arm back. Just a flash of sadness in his eyes, as though he was willing to take whatever I was about to give because he knew, he understood.Fuck him.Fuck this. Anger surged as I imagined her stepping into a cab even as we stood here, wasting time. I clenched my fingers into a fist, preparing to launch myself into his impassive stance until . . . another arm wrapped around my arm from behind.
