‘Talk to me,’ he said, real concern now spreading across his features. ‘What’s wrong?’
I just shook my head, resolutely staring at my lap when I couldn’t meet his eyes.
‘I’m just tired, that’s all. We all are,’ I replied, chancing a look up.
‘Bullshit,’ he whispered, eyes narrowing. ‘You’ve been off all week, longer. Is it because I haven’t been around as much? Honey, I’m sorry – you’ve got to know it’s not because I don’t want to be. I’ve missed being with you so much—’
Snapping back up to standing, I shook my head so vehemently that he stopped dead. This right here, this was why it couldn’t work between us.
He was too good for me. I’d known it the moment we’d visited his mum – before that, even. At the sale, after it. In his every gesture, his every thought towards me, there was nothing but light and kindness.
And I . . . I was the vacuum that would pull him into darkness. I would ruin him with my issues, my fucked-up past and emotional destruction.
It only confirmed my feelings. Thiswasit; thiswaslove. That I would rather walk away and protect him from my chaos than make him suffer.
Cole’s footsteps back onto the deck broke the tension. Holding what looked like a small box in his hand, he gave me a sheepish smile, turning to a more knowing one as he looked at Jesse.
‘So . . . uh, I wanted your opinion on something,’ he began, stepping down to the grass next to me. ‘Now, I realize it looks a little like I jumped the gun, and I know you’re maybe not as, um . . . traditional as Lottie, maybe, but I know what you think will be important. To her and me.’
I raised my eyebrow, unsure why my heart rate was speeding up.
‘Okay,’ I replied slowly, tilting my head to try to see what was in his hand. ‘Sharing is caring, cowboy – spit it out.’
With a quick glance at Jesse – whose eyes were still trained on me, a tightness to the corners of his mouth – Cole revealed a deep-blue velvet box.
As I suddenly realized what it was, he opened it, revealing . . .
‘Oh shit,’ I murmured, my hand drifting to cover my now open mouth.
The ring that nestled in the box was . . . stunning. A silver band with a raised diamond set in the top, surrounded by a halo of tiny diamonds.
‘I know it’s all so fast,’ he began, anxiety winding into his voice. ‘And I’m not planning to ask her straight away, especially when things are still difficult with her dad.’ He glanced at me, almost pleading. ‘But I know she’sitfor me, and . . . I want her –needher to be my wife.’
Swallowing hard, I felt my eyes fill immediately. Jesse moved to get up, but I shook my head quickly, asking him to wait.
‘It’s beautiful, Cole,’ I replied eventually, keeping my voice steady as I looked up at him, his relief registering instantly. ‘And I know it’s been quick, but you have nothing to worry about, or wait for. Lottie will say yes. She’d marry you tomorrow if you wanted.’
It was his turn to look down, his emotion barely concealed.
‘And you . . . you wouldn’t be against that?’ he asked quietly, glancing back up for a moment, his deep brown eyes fearful.
‘What? Against it?’ I questioned, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. ‘What makes you think that? I – You guys are made for each other. I’ve never seen Lottie so happy.’
He nodded.
‘I just . . . well, Lottie said you’re not really a big fan of marriage, that it’s not something you’d want. So, I don’t know . . . you guys are so close. I just wanted your blessing, I guess.’
Looking skyward for a moment, forcing the tears back, I stepped in towards him and gave him a hug.
He responded after a surprised pause. My thoughts swirled, processing the idea that a huge bear of a man like this, the backbone of the ranch, could be so vulnerable for the sake of my best friend as to wantmyapproval.
I pulled back, still holding his arm.
‘You have my blessing, in fucking spades,’ I urged him, tightening my grip. ‘Don’t let her prick dad or my fucked-up thoughts on marriage derail this. Lottie loves you more than you can know – and if you feel the same way, why wait? Isn’t that the way things are done here?’ I gave him a small smile, relieved that he returned it; Lil’s words were ringing in my ears from before. ‘Listen. Lottie’s always been the better side of our coin,’ I continued, catching Jesse’s pained expression in the corner of my eye. ‘I have some really fucked-up stuff in my past, Cole.’
I hesitated, but realized this was my chance to warn Jesse as much as it was to explain to Cole.
‘My stepfather was . . . abusive, emotionally,’ I began, forcing myself to continue as they looked at each other briefly, open anger registering on Jesse’s face. ‘When he married my mum . . . well, he took the chance to use their wedding to tell me just how he was going to fuck me over, to control my life and hers. It was the beginning of the worst time of my life.’
