‘You okay?’ she mouthed, frowning as I looked over, nodding briefly.
The two men stared at them before turning away as Jesse soothed the horse, now skittering sideways, the bleeding open wounds on her back visible as she drew closer. As they stalked off, Bailey approached the horse, working with Jesse to walk her slowly to the gate.
I realized my hands were shaking as I held one to my mouth, not able to take my eyes off the horse. Her eyes were white-rimmed and terrified, the pain and fear obvious; her distress radiated, hitting me square on. My own chest ached in response.
Jesse glanced back at me, murmuring something to Bailey before coming over. This time, just as before, my feet took over and I moved towards him, our bodies meeting in a rush as I pressed against him, my hat falling into the dirt.
Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around me as my tears fell for real now, my hands gripping his shirt until my knuckles turned white. Rage, sadness and rejection took turns churning through me, a storm dredging the sand beneath the waves and turning the water dark.
Only Jesse’s steady breathing, the feeling of his hand holding the back of my head, stopped me from drowning.
CHAPTER6
HESTIA
We were half an hour into the drive back to the ranch when it hit me. It wasn’t that I’d just bought a horse despite my utter ignorance about them, or even the fact that I had about forty-eight hours to figure out what the fuck to do about it before I flew home. Bailey had tried to reassure me that there were charities, horse shelters that would likely take her in. Take her off my hands.
But it was exactly that – her being palmed off, discarded as though she was worth nothing – that I couldn’t bear. Those men had beaten and brutalized her, and from what the woman in the coffee queue had said, it was because she wouldn’t fit the mould they wanted to force her into.
It was too close to home. Combined with the overwhelming tiredness and the impending prospect of facing my broken relationship back home, having to keep running the business in spite of it every day . . .
‘Can you pull over? I need some air – just for a few minutes,’ I asked, avoiding Jesse and Bailey’s worried expressions in the rear-view mirror.
‘Sure thing, honey,’ Bailey replied softly. ‘There’s a gas station just up about a mile or two ahead, okay?’
I nodded, gripping the door handle as I stared out towards the mountains, seeing nothing. I felt Jesse’s eyes on me the whole way, as heavy on my shoulders as if his hands held me upright, forcing me to keep it together.
Finally we pulled in, the gas station no more than a large hut with a few pumps outside, backing onto the shaded fields of the valley floor. The sun was still climbing behind the jagged mountains to our right. I jumped out as we came to a stop, half walking, half stumbling to the grass at the side of the building, suddenly aware of the nausea roiling in my gut. I leant against the wood as I reached it, eventually sinking down into a crouch as my legs gave way.
‘Hey, whoa there, what’s going on?’
Jesse approached, his boots crunching on the gravelled dirt as I closed my eyes to the beginnings of a tightness in my chest, my heart starting to pound. A feeling I hadn’t experienced for years, another thing I’d worked to keep under the surface.
‘Don’t – just leave me be,’ I mumbled, trying to move away as I heard him behind me, my eyes still clamped shut. Wasn’t it enough that he’d already seen me cry? I didn’t want to have an anxiety attack right in front of him too.
‘Nope, not gonna happen,’ he replied, his tone firm. I felt his hand on my arm, cool plastic against my hand. ‘You’re gonna drink a little water, then tell me what’s going on.’
I grasped the bottle, opening my eyes to realize he’d already undone the cap for me and so I took a sip at first, then a longer drink. Heart still pounding, I leant my head against the hut and tried to focus my breathing.
‘Jesse, you don’t have to do this, just go – leave me to it. It’s just an anxiety attack, I’ve had them before . . . I’ll be okay in a few minutes,’ I began, stopping as he leant over me to screw the cap back on the water, his face right next to mine.
‘I don’t think you get it, Jessica,’ he murmured, leaning into a crouch himself, his body now bracing mine. ‘I’m not leaving you anywhere, least of all like this. Now, I know you’re used to being the boss and that’s all good with me,’ he paused, brushing stray hairs out of my face. ‘But right now, you’re on my orders. And we’re gonna go back to the truck, ’cause those horses need to get home, and your new girl needs to see a vet. I’m sitting up back with you and you’re gonna tell me all about those tattoos of yours, take me on a whole tour. Starting with this one, right here.’
His fingers brushed below my collarbone, circling the moon above the scene of Sleepy Hollow.
I knew he was trying to distract me, to take the lead in a moment where I couldn’t. I thought of the horse – whose name I didn’t even know – standing in the trailer, likely in pain and scared, needing to get back to the ranch.
‘Okay, but I feel a bit shaky,’ I said, knowing how pathetic I sounded, hating that I knew I needed help, but glad that he was stepping in and taking charge.
‘I’ve got you,’ Jesse replied, one arm circling my back and pulling me up slowly, the other reaching over, his hand grasping mine. ‘You good?’ My head spun as I tried to nod, the edges of my vision darkening. ‘Okay, okay – I’m gonna lift you, sweetheart. No troublemaking now. Just pretend you’ve been on the fireballs again, all right?’
As I mumbled a protest I felt my feet leave the ground, my head rolling against him. Bailey called out in concern, Jesse cheerfully reassuring her that I was just being dramatic and he was humouring me.
‘Asshole,’ I mumbled, listening to his responding chuckle, the way it reverberated in his broad chest.
‘And she’s back,’ he whispered as we approached the truck. He lifted me gently onto the back seat as Bailey held the door open.
‘Sorry,’ I said to her, holding my forehead as I tried to get a grip on my breathing.
