He stared at me for a moment longer before setting off, a new kind of silence gathering between us as we headed back.
A couple of hours later, with calls made and no solution in sight – Blake point-blank refusing to help, thanks to Cal’s behaviour – I wandered back out of the house. Jesse, unable to bear the waiting, had headed down to the cabin to help Cole.
As I walked down the drive, I knew I’d decided. What I had to do, what needed to be done. I stopped, knowing that if I didn’t arrange it now, I might back out later. A quick search on my phone confirmed flights out to Denver tomorrow evening, a whole host of connecting flights back to London between that evening and the day after.
My stomach lurched at the thought of leaving – of Jesse.
‘Oh hey, cowpoke,’ Bailey called, tilting her hat against the bright sunlight as she led Dunkin out. ‘You noticed how that wild horse of yours has turned into everyone’s favourite?’
I forced a smile, focusing on Luci – the original reason I’d stayed for longer in the first place – and remembering just how far she’d come in that time.
‘Yeah, she’s a charmer,’ I said, shaking my head as I approached the corral. ‘Starting to feel guilty about the name now.’
Bailey snorted.
‘You know, I’m not sure she’s even been broken yet. She’s pretty young, and those assholes that had her before you didn’t do fucking squat, other than hurt her.’
‘Does that mean she can’t be ridden yet?’ I asked, more aware than ever of how little I really knew about horses, despite all the other stuff I’d done since arriving.
Bailey nodded, running her hand down Dunkin’s previously injured leg, clearly checking for something.
‘Yeah, makes it hard to justify keeping them on here, you know? Everyone’s got to earn their place. Breaking horses is hard work.’
I bit my lip, almost afraid to walk back into the barn, knowing how Luci would greet me; that now, with what I had to do, the trust she’d put in me was worthless.
‘Hey, do you remember the friend you mentioned before – the one at the horse shelter?’
Bailey’s attention snapped back to me, frowning as she stood up.
‘Rosie? Yeah,’ she nodded. ‘She’s Dee’s cousin, actually.’
I nodded. Dee was yet another person I would have to say goodbye to.
‘I was wondering . . . maybe we could give her a call? I think I’m going to have to head home sooner than I thought. I don’t want Luci to be a burden to Lottie and Lil, especially if she can’t be ridden.’
‘You are? Oh, shit,’ she replied, walking Dunkin over to where I leant against the fence. ‘I mean . . . yeah, I can give her a call. That sucks, though. Does Jesse—’
I nodded quickly, looking down at my well-worn boots, scuffed and softened into the most comfortable things I owned.
‘Can you stay for the rodeo at least?’ she asked, her voice lowered. ‘Damn, sugar. We’ll miss the hell out of you.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, remembering the flight times, knowing which one I could book. ‘Unless . . . is me being there just going to distract him more? Maybe it might be better to stay away?’
She shook her head, holding my gaze.
‘He’ll be able to focus better with you there,’ she said quietly, digging the toe of her boot in the dirt. ‘When the only person you can think about is elsewhere, somewhere you can’t go . . . that’s the most difficult thing in the world.’
Her words sounded as though they came from experience, a sadness creeping in that I suspected wasn’t directly related to me and Jesse.
I sighed, adjusting my hat as she gave me a look of understanding.
‘I can’t bear it, Bailey,’ I admitted, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the fencing. Somehow it was easier to admit it to her, as the person I knew the least well, next to Cole. ‘I feel like I’m torn right down the fucking middle. But maybe . . . maybe this is better for Jesse. To happen now, I mean, before we go any further.’
I didn’t mean the words, I knew I didn’t.
‘Sugar, I’m not sure there’s much further to go?’ she questioned, a sad smile growing. ‘I mean, I’ve noticed how much you guys light each other up, but it’s deeper than that, isn’t it? I don’t want to interfere, but you should know that in all the years I’ve known Jesse, since high school, I know for damn sure he’s never looked at anyone the way he does at you.’
Another twist in my gut, the words landing so close to home that I almost flinched.
