And then I let it go.
‘So, what are you going to do about Lydia?’ Liam said softly.‘Have you tried calling her?’
My heart swooped at the mention of her name.
‘She won’t pick up the phone.’
‘Have you thought about speaking to her in real life?’
‘I—’ I hesitated.
Sure I had.I’d thought about going over to her apartment the minute I got back.I would ask her what was wrong.I would make it right.I’d convince her I was happy just to be her friend.I wouldn’t push like I had that night in the rain.I wouldn’t flirt and tease her, just to get a blush on her cheeks and proof she felt this too.
Because she’s won.
I needed her in my life.Full stop.So somehow I’d shrink that part of my soul that wanted more from her, if it meant she would answer her fucking phone.But going over to her house and saying all that meant accepting defeat.And I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.
‘We know Lydia,’ Liam said evenly.‘She doesn’t do things randomly.If she pulled away, something set it off.She’s probably spiralling right now, same as you.’ Liam pulled out his phone.‘She added me to this app thing.She can see where I am and I can see her.I don’t really understand how it works.’
I rolled my eyes.He was so bad with technology, he was worse than Dad.
‘God, you’re thirty-three—’
‘Thirty-two,’ he grumbled.
‘Give it here,’ I said, taking the phone from his hand and finding Find My Friends.My heart pounded when I saw Lydia’s smiling face on the phone.
Liam hummed, leaning over the screen.‘Ah yes.She’s at the social club.They have a singles night.’
My eye snapped up to Liam.‘A singles night?’
‘Kat,’ Liam shouted.‘Did you say there was a singles night at the club?’
‘Yes.’ Kat poked her head around the door.‘Some plot of Pat’s, I think.Sandra is helping out too.’
My eyes narrowed.‘A fucking singles night.’
Liam’s eyes shifted around, which only made me feel worse.Kat padded into the kitchen.
‘Don’t stress, Ren,’ she said, shrugging.‘It’s probably just some name badges and warm Prosecco.’
‘And a room full of single people.’
Liam grimaced.Kat looked sheepish.‘Well, yeah.I suppose so.’
My hands fell into my head.I didn’t want to be an irrational, alpha dickhead but the green monster couldn’t help but take hold – she could be flirting with someone right now, thinking about how much easier it is with them than with me.
‘Ren,’ Liam said, his voice firm.‘If you want her, you should fight for her.’
‘Of course I want to fight for her.But we’ve had so many near misses over the years.So many times we were almost there, only for something to pull us apart.What if this is another one of those times?’ I glanced up.‘I’m not sure I could take it again.’
I ran a hand through my hair, a little breathless, as I confessed, ‘I – I’m in love with her.I love her so much it terrifies me.It actually hurts in my chest.And I want this –us– so badly I can’t afford to fuck it up again.’
My heart raced, and I felt a little lightheaded.But there was something expanding in my chest – something like relief, blended with determination.After keeping it down for so long, keeping this love, this total adoration for Lydia under wraps, it was finally out.
But the room was silent.I glanced up to see Kat, her mouth parted, her eyes shining.
‘Wow!’ Kat said softly.
