Ren stopped himself, closed his eyes, but it was too late.Anger burned through my chest.
‘That is not the same thing,’ I snapped.
He rubbed a hand across his forehead.‘I’m sorry.It was a stupid comment.You know I don’t think before I speak.’
My eyes burned.God, I hated that I always cried when I argued.
‘Hey, hey!’ Ren stepped closer.‘I’m sorry I was quiet in the car.I just had a lot on my mind.And it wasnothingto do with the farm.’
He said it in this low, knowing voice, like it was supposed to be obvious.
‘Then what does it have to do with, Ren?’
I’m sick of his bullshit.I’m tired of the lack of communication.
Ren stepped forward, his face fierce.‘It’s to do with the fact I was trying to figure out how the fuck I can be your friend –justyour friend – when you did something like that for me.’
My heart raced as he took another step closer, rain dripping from his lashes and his mouth, and I couldn’t help but imagine tracing those raindrops with my mouth.I should be opening my mouth to disagree with him – to tell him we would never be anything but friends, but I couldn’t, especially when Ren said the next words.
‘I was trying to keep myself from kissing you senseless.’ My lips parted at his words, and his eyes followed the movement.‘I was trying to forget that I know the way you taste.The way you moan.I was trying to forget the fact that I remember everysecondof that night, even if you’re busy trying to burn it from your memory.I was trying to convince myself that having you in my life is more important than the fantasy of havingallof you.’ He said those words like a caress.I shivered.‘I was trying to remind myself that having you in my life – as a friend – is better than not having you at all.I was trying to remember that I should be grateful you even talk to me.Grateful you are so kind, so thoughtful, that you’d take me to that farm and show me my dream up close.The whole way home I was trying to remind myself that I had my chance, and I completely, utterly, fucked it.And that Ideserveto feel the twist in my chest every time you say the word “friend”.’
He spat the last word.
‘So no.’ Those dark eyes shifted all over my face.‘I wasn’t overwhelmed.Or suffocated.I’m—’ he dragged in a breath.He gave a huffed laugh that sounded a little hysterical.Like he’d gone mad.‘I want you, Lydia.I want you as more than a friend.And it’s killing me.’
Our breathing was ragged as we faced off.
His words eddied around my brain.While I had been spiralling in the car, Ren had spent the entire journey thinking all of that.Thinking about kissing me.About making me moan.
‘So yes, I guess you could say I was “freaking out”.But it certainly wasn’t about the farm.It was about what I would do if you ever looked at me likethisagain.’ His hand trailed across my jaw.‘Just like this.A little wild.’ His thumb ran across my lips.‘And a little like you’d like me to mess you up.’
Desire bloomed low in my belly, just as Ren’s eyes dropped to my mouth.Mine followed like a reflex.The rain slid down his cheeks, tangled in his lashes.Every muscle in my body tightened.Every instinct in my body screamedyes.Lean in, let go, forget everything other than his words and how they made me feel soft and achey and languid.
And I couldn’t fight this any more.
A beam of light shone across Ren’s face.
‘Lydia?Ren?There you are!’ Mandy’s voice sounded across the campsite.‘I’ve been trying to call you!’
I stepped back, out of Ren’s arms’ way.Mandy strode across the camp, her short, dark hair soaked, her eyes shifting between Ren and me, eyes more than a little curious.
‘Lydia, your tent is flooded, love.I’m sorry.Bloody rain came in sideways in the past hour, and with the rain yesterday too.’ She put her hands on her hips.‘Well, the ground couldn’t soak it all up.’
‘I told you to camp nearer me,’ Ren said under his breath.‘You were on the lowest ground.’
I blinked.‘Sorry, I think I heard you wrong.You said my tent is flooded.’
‘Completely.I couldn’t even recover the pyjamas you’d left.And the book you’d left out –Savaged by the Sea Lord,was it?It’s completely soaked.’
My face turned pink, and I heard Ren’s exhalation of surprise.
‘Desired effect, by the sounds of it,’ Ren said, his voice low and dry.
‘Shut it,’ I elbowed Ren before turning to Mandy, plastering on a smile.‘I’ll share with Amy.’
Mandy’s smile turned to a grimace.‘Amy and Gen are sharing and they’ve headed to sleep already.They tried to stay up, but they were so tired after the walk today.’
My eyes shifted to Amy and Gen’s tent.Their lamp was on.My eyes narrowed.
