Then finally, he said, ‘Thank you, Lyds.’
We stood silently for a moment until my feet got cold and we slowly walked back to our tents.I bent to unzip the tent, but Ren’s hand landed on mine, warm and familiar.I froze, eyes fixed on the veins across his skin, too aware of how close we were.And too scared to look up and see what was written on his face.
‘I just want to say I’m sorry about what happened with Momentum.’ Ren took a deep breath.In and out.As if this was painful to say.‘And thank you for listening about the farm.And not laughing.’
‘I’d never laugh, Ren.’
‘I know.I just wanted to tell you to prove to you I’m not leaving again.I’m here to stay.Whether I get the farm or not.I’m here to stay.’
‘Okay,’ I said, too quickly.
Later, back in my sleeping bag, I felt the words catch up with me.
I’m here to stay.
They echoed in the dark, steady and dangerous, until I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Ten
Ren
The last hike in the peaks took us through Bleaklow and Snake Pass, with 11 miles of walking through heather-clad moorlands and up limestone cliffs.The glow of the first-day hike had worn off, and the ladies were quiet on the journey but bonded enough that the silent offering of snacks and water was met with a small, appreciative smile.Peggy continued to weave around the group, loving her off-lead freedom, her blonde tail wagging.It should make me smile, but I didn’t take my eyes off Lydia’s swinging ponytail as she walked across the desolate moorland.
It had been two nights since our midnight chat, and I swear she was letting me in – just a little.She’d let me refill her water bottle, even accepted the cup of tea I made from the camp stove.After catching up on what we’d missed – like the farm and Lydia losing her job – it felt as if we’d struck a quiet understanding of why we were both out here.
But that made it even harder to watch the slight limp from the blisters I knew were on her left ankle.I grimaced at the rub of her shoulders and imagined the red skin underneath.I gritted my teeth when she gave a bright smile to Mandy, who asked after her ankle.
I finally snapped when Lydia offered to hold Amy’s pack as we ascended Bleaklow Head, passing World War II aircraft wreckage sites Mandy has a Wikipedia-like knowledge of.
‘I’ll take it,’ I said, offering my palm to Amy.The three of us stopped as the rest of the group walked ahead up the hill.Peggy turned around, searching for me, then cantered back to where we stood, and I gave her a little pat.
Lydia’s face was like stone.Gone was the woman who had smiled at the idea of pumpkin patches and Christmas trees last night.We had both shared a moment last night under the star-lit sky, but she avoided my gaze this morning.God, she’d looked so beautiful, the light of the moon hitting the side of her face, giving me just a glimpse of her blue eyes and painting her blonde hair silver.
‘It’s fine, I can handle it,’ Lydia said, her jaw set, her eyes flashing.
Oh, I’m in trouble.Good.
‘Oh, I don’t want to make a fuss.’ Amy’s face turned pink.‘I can do it, just sometimes I get a bit tired up the hills.Silly, I know.It was my fault for packing so much.’ Amy rolled her eyes.‘I never pack light.’
‘You two have that in common.’ I raised an eyebrow at Lydia.
‘Amy, you don’t have to explain.’ Lydia shot me a death glare.‘I can carry it.’
I knew from Lydia that Amy had some lingering fatigue from her cancer treatment as a kid.I overheard Mandy chatting to her, saying she could skip out a day if the fatigue hit.But I knew she never held back from training hard with Lydia too.Lydia’s Instagram posts detailed Amy’s journey, a story of her milestones, despite her challenges with fatigue.I admired her for it.I knew Lydia did too.That’s why Lydia would sacrifice her short-term pain for Amy.She knew Amy was perfectly capable, but needed support now and then.
‘Amy, why don’t I take the heavier stuff from your backpack?’ I smiled, trying to put her at ease.I kept my voice low enough that the other members of the group didn’t look over.I didn’t want to embarrass her.‘That way you can keep your pack on.I know how much you like a challenge.’ I lean in, a little conspiratorial, a little cheeky.‘I’ve seen Lydia’s Instagram.You could probably bench-press me if you fancied.’
Amy went a little pink.‘No – I couldn’t.’
‘Trust me, you could.’
Amy lit up.‘Did you hear that, Lydia?’
‘Yes,’ said Lydia, her voice flat.I turn to see Lydia’s arms crossed, her eyes shifting between Amy and me.‘And I’m not surprised.Ren has never been one tocommitto training.’
‘Maybe I just need to commit to a good trainer.’ I leaned towards Lydia to whisper, ‘Put me in, Coach.’
‘Don’t call me Coach.’
