Ren frowned.‘Why not?You’re more than qualified—’
Because I didn’t put myself forward.
Ren angled his head to the side, and I was relieved when he changed the subject.‘You can’t tell me anyone actually likes working with Craig.’
I chuckled, hollow.‘No, most of the PTs hate him.Ryan was already looking for new jobs before I got canned.’
‘Exactly.It doesn’t make sense.’
I shrugged, trying to play it off.‘One time I messed up my schedule and turned up two hours late.Craig had switched everything to 24-hour time, and I’ve always struggled with that kind of thing.’
Ren’s jaw tensed.‘Did he know?About your dyscalculia?’
‘No.’ I shook my head.‘I’ve never told anyone I work with.’
‘When he got promoted… did he get access to staff files?If you told HR?’
My breath caught.My stomach dropped.Shit.I had disclosed it – back when I had started, during onboarding.It was meant to be confidential.
Ren’s expression darkened.‘That’s what it is.He knew.And he used it against you.’
My mind whirled, things falling into place.
‘He did start focusing on KPIs and spreadsheets.And he used to track when I’d clock in at work.I thought it was just because of the promotion…’
‘That piece of shit,’ Ren muttered, turning to me, his eyes shimmering.‘I’m sorry, Lydia.’
My mind was whirling, trying to wrap itself around this new perspective – Craig might have been sabotaging me.On purpose.Maybe it wasn’t all my fault.
The thick tar of shame that had sat heavy on my chest for months loosened.Just a little.
Craig was an ableist arsehole who had used my disability against me.Cruel, and far more cunning than I ever gave him credit for.And even if he got away with sacking me, it still wasn’t my fault.He’d built a whole system just to shove me out – because he saw me as a threat.I’d almost be flattered, if I hadn’t also wanted to curl into a ball and cry at the fact I still had no job.No career.Nothing.
And then, it all came bursting to the surface.Everything I’d been swallowing down for weeks.All of it.
‘You know what?I don’t even care about Craig.He’s always hated me and I was stupid to think I could convince him otherwise.’ I raised a finger.‘It’s Niall I’m upset about.I thought he respected me, you know?I put my blood, sweat, and tears into that place.And it was fine because they loved me, right?Niall used to meet me to chat about the business.He has thirty gyms all over the UK but wantedmyadvice.He wanted me to train people.He had me run an HIIT workout with the head office at their AGM.He said I was the example of how classes should be run.So surely it was worth it?To be wanted, to be appreciated.But then, poof.’ I clicked my fingers.‘Gone.’
‘He’ll be regretting it now, I know,’ Ren said.‘I bet everyone is leaving.’
I shook my head.‘You think that but the world keeps spinning, even when it stops for you.And I didn’t tell my clients.I wish I could have, but it was too much.Too messy.I’d lost ten years of graft overnight, and suddenly I didn’t know who I was without it.All of those hours spent giving people advice about their knees, or not invoicing people who said they were struggling—’
Ren tutted.
‘—I know, I know.I shouldn’t let people walk all over me.But I just… struggle to say no.’
‘I know you do.’ Ren’s hand twitched, as if he might reach for mine.My breath snagged.But then he dropped it, fingers curling into a fist.‘I interrupted, sorry.Go on.’
‘I didn’t know what to do.I couldn’t get out of bed.I had no reason to.And then things started getting bad – I’d wake up feeling this crippling panic about what to do with my day.Too many options – apply for jobs or change my whole life.Both feel impossible.’
‘I think change sounds good,’ Ren said, crossing his arms.‘For both of us.’
‘Well, I’m not really one for change.’ I shrugged.‘I like routine.I like reliability.’
I hesitated, then added, more softly, ‘But, for the record – I think Liam’s making a big mistake.’
Many people didn’t realise that Ren’s passion and drive for the things he truly cared about were utterly infectious.I knew the farm would thrive because he had this remarkable ability to make others believe in his vision.It was the same way he could talk me into sneaking out at 16 to join a house party or convince me to go skinny-dipping on a midnight walk on Kynance Cove on our family holiday to Cornwall.His enthusiasm was always impossible to resist.
Ren held my gaze, something unspoken flickering behind his eyes.Sadness maybe.Gratitude.A little bit of hope.
